peanut44

This is going to be bad.
What is the point of all of this?
That's what I'm thinking this morning.

I'm getting weaker by the day. Mentally and physically. The insomnia is taking its toll. I feel depressed, exhausted, I just feel like crap. This too shall pass, or its only day 19, doesn't help. I'm in this right now.

I'm too old for this. And I have to work. This week I can barely keep up. It sucks to go thru life always feeling like "something" is missing. I'm tired of trying to figure out what it is.

My doctor is out till Monday. I'm in a bad way today. My husband and his boss are still not speaking and I feel like going down to the funeral home and knocking her teeth out. I'm sick of hearing about it.

The insomnia is really bad. If this is how I'm going to feel mentally then what's the point?

This is all random thoughts but it is what's in my head right now.

Coldfusion

Hang in there Peanut!

Alynn

What's up peanut?

Force

I believe insomnia is a big factor in what pushes us to relapse, just hold on until Monday when you can see your doctor and explain that in order for your success you need sleep.. Please dont give up!

Nowsthetime

Hello:

I hear AV all over your post!!!

Be aware of it. Remember why you came here and keep your eye on the prize.

We are with you.

biminiblue

I find one of the reasons I can't sleep is that I let my brain keep running. That can be slowed and stopped with practice.

Meditation is really good for quieting that part of the brain that is on full alert 24/7.

With that said, if you are 19 days sober, it's going to take a little while longer. Don't give up.

Soberween

And remember that your AV would like nothing better than to see you dead. Once the sleep issue is sorted out I think you will feel more balanced and the recovery process will go more smoothly. Early sobriety is tough. I made the mistake years ago of doing the first few months over and over again because it was so uncomfortable that I would give in to the AV and then start over with the recovery process a few days after the relapse. Now that I have a few years of sobriety and a different perspective, I realize I was doing the hardest part early sobriety continuously for about three years total. So glad to be out of that cyclical nightmare.

peanut44

Yeah, I'm in a terrible state of mind right now. If this is my AV, it's strutting its stuff.

I ran out of Ativan, although the dosage I was taking was very low. I ran out early and called in a refill with an explanation of why I ran short. Only to find out that my doctor is out thru Monday.

I feel like giving up. But give up to what? I couldn't get a hold of pills if I wanted to. It's got to get better than this because this is not cutting it.

God, listen to me. I'm being rotten this morning. Pretty much ran my husband off to work early this morning. Who wants to be around a grumpy bitch this early?

Jillian2563

Although I don't experience insomnia, I do have a brain that won't shut off most of the time. At these times, I find relaxation techniques help quite a bit. I like to take a warm bath with dim lights with meditation music followed by sleepy time tea with honey.

I hope this passes for you soon. Congrats on 19 days. I'm at 19 as well.

biminiblue

Why did you run out early (the Ativan?) Are you taking more than the prescribed dose?

peanut44

Yeah, I did some extra the first several days completely off suboxone as the anxiety was thru the roof. My doctor and I did talk about that a little before hand. So for the last couple weeks, I've been doing really good with it but ran short because of the withdrawal.

biminiblue

Oh, that's right - I forgot about the subs.

Are you getting any exercise? Why not go out for a 30 minute brisk walk? That always settles me.

peanut44

No exercise to be honest. I work all day and I'm exhausted by the time I get home. Then I don't sleep and I'm even more tired the next day. It's a vicious cycle.

biminiblue

Well, I know for me it's all about shutting off the brain.

There are lots of tips online for things you can do...I think early sobriety is just uncomfortable and sleep is elusive. You'll make it through. Hang on.

jryan19982

Man... I was addicted to Ativan for a few years. I was on it way too long- it was horrible when I didnt have the pills. That is hard- I can feel your pain. But it is best to get off the ativan. Withdawal from that is hell when you are addicted.

jryan19982

It could be the lack of exercise that is making you tired. I know it sounds counter intuitive but it is the truth. Even if you are exhausted go outside for a 20 minute walk. Get your body outside into the fresh air and turn your brain off and just walk. Enjoy the outside, enjoy the surroundings, enjoy hearing the kids play, etc... just enjoy your time outside.

SoberLeigh

^^^^ This.

I feel for you, peanut. Lack of sleep can affect our total well-being.

How about taking a leisurely walk, followed by a long, warm aromatherapy bath (lavender can be quite soothing).

The combination of mild exercise, fresh air, and a warm bath may help you to relax.

(19 days is fantastic but it is still 'early days' when it comes to sobriety. Your body is undergoing a much needed adjustment.)

trachemys

I'd be shoveling down ice cream and chugging chamomile tea. Can you get chamomile ice cream?

PurpleKnight

Hang in there!!

For me it took time to adjust from drinking, I know it's a different substance but the body needs a chance to do it's thing.

AnvilheadII

i have insomnia...or a type of it anyways....i can GET to sleep just fine, it's that bit about staying asleep that eludes me. lots of factors....here's what i know...you do what you gotta do....try sleeping in another room. get a really nice pillow. go for some type of white noise in the background. my head gets really loud and REALLY BUSY if it's TOO quiet....for me, the ID channel is my friend, and HLN when Forensic Files are on. audiobooks with a really good narrator work too!

i know that goes against everything the experts say, but THEY aren't the ones that couldn't get more than 4 hrs of sleep a night and never consecutive!!!

anyway, i hear ya....try not to dwell on the NOT sleeping too much cuz that just messes things up worse. sleep when you can. i have had a few days, not too many lately as my sleep IS getting better, where i've come home from work and literally gone straight to bed. and so what! i'm a grown up and i can nap if i WANT TO!