kdg3

I went to a concert Saturday night and couldn't not drink .. I wanted to only have a few beers (my first mistake) then went to the hard stuff and before I knew it I was completely blacked out! Then I proceeded to start a huge fight with my boyfriend even going as far as attacking him in public for completely no reason because I get completely negative when in this state of mind.. I feel so down and hurt because he doesn't deserve that and I'm damaging a relationship that means the absolute most to me in this world. Bruised body and ego tons of wasted money just drama I created for myself to get drunk and not enjoy my concert I had been waiting to go to for months.. When will I get that this isn't what I want .. I deserve a sober life but I'm scared I may never achieve that. I want to be happy and stop living recklessly .. Any tips or advice on quitting for good is much appreciated

NestWasEmpty

kdg , I found that I always have to keep a plan in place on any type of gatherings . You should think of things to help you not to *pick up * that first drink
No matter where I go - I bring at least 2 different beverages . Even on a short trip . To me it's like it short fusses my thoughts . If my water isn't cutting it I , change to ice tea . I also carry mints , actually I do what ever I need to do .. Walk away from alcohol , Say No thanks - I don't drink !
Of course you must read over others ideas . You should find one that will help .

Anna

I'm sorry that happened. It's probably a good idea to stay away from concerts and other places where alcohol is involved. It took me many months before I felt comfortable enough for those situations. And, you can achieve a sober life if you want. Do you have the motivation to make it work? I hope so.

Ruby2

I had to completely shake the idea that I could ever have just a few beers. It was never just a few. To quit, I think you'll find you have to shed the notion you can drink. Saying that you went to a concert and couldn't not drink is an excuse. Of course you can go to a concert and not drink. Many people do.

I had to give up the notion that I could have any drinks. Just one always leads to a bad place. Keep coming here for support. Reach out here, and in real life. You don't have to live with drinking. I never thought I could stop. But I did. You can too.

least

In order to stay sober, I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink.

Soberwolf

Hanging bk in early sobriety gives you a chance to work your sobriety and build your sober muscles

I think its way to risky going to places that are centred around alcohol in early sobriety

A fighter doesnt go into the fight of his life with 2 days training

Rio97

Anyway, glad you're back. Dust yourself off and try to figure out what happened.

Nowsthetime

I relate. I was a drunk that picked fights with hubby and didn't even remember them. I'm honestly surprised he didn't leave me. I had a lot of episodes like yours before I finally had it and decided to stop. I realized that I just couldn't drink at all. Your time will come. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later. I was a binge/black out drunk and it wasn't pretty. It was affecting my relationship and my life, my looks... Now I feel liberated and so happy with the way my life is. It took me years to finally get it and now I feel it has been the best decision I ever made. Reading here and educating myself has really helped.

Have you made a plan yet?

2WheelsGood

What everyone else is saying. When starting out it's a good idea to avoid situations that could trigger the desire to drink. And whatever you do try to avoid the first drink - it let's your inhibition down and you'll most likely end up wasted again, with all the crap it entails.

It gets easier, but you need to stack the deck in your favor when you're starting out.

2ndhandrose

You are absolutely correct to state that you deserve a sober life!! And there is every reason to believe that you can and you will achieve this.

Wrap your mind around the fact that even 1 drink is not an option, ever. The first drink just leads to the kind of evening you described.

I went to Las Vegas, for a much anticipated holiday, when I was still drinking. I had an epic drunken, public meltdown that I can only remember bits and pieces of. The next day I was so physically and emotionally sick, it ruined the whole trip for me. Alcohol does that to people who can't drink.

Remember to play the tape through to the bitter end. Because you really do deserve to have a happy, sober life! (((kdg3)))

kdg3

Thank you all so much for the love and support it means the world to me.. I'm really going to avoid places with alcohol for awhile until I can get a significant amount of sobriety under my belt! I've never wanted something more than I want to be sober ... I've ordered so books on recovery and how to prevent relapses and I've really been thinking about attending some AA meetings but I'm so nervous to go and almost ashamed but I know that is what is keeping me sick I have to give this everything I have and I'm going to because I want to be happy and I don't want to be a drunk who hates herself .. Thanks again for the love I will keep reaching out and posting and working my very hardest to stay clean

Dee74

Sounds like you have the makings of a good plan kdg

there are more ideas, tips and help on plans here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

thomas11

Hi kdg3, Sounds like you've got a plan started and are determined to right the ship. As others have mentioned, remove yourself from situations that involve drinking, its temptation and you may perceive it as boredom at first. Keep the incident in your original OP fresh in your mind, that should provide a good deterrent correct? It does take commitment and effort and you will be rewarded for your efforts. Good luck to you.

kdg3

Here I am again 3 days no drugs or alcohol.. Is it weird I feel terrified of when that AV is going to kick in and start trying to convince me I can have a beer here and there and be just fine (it has already started but not as convincing this time around).. I've been reading a recovery book and it says that the voice that tries to convince you of anything other than abstinence from drugs and alcohol is the sick part of your brain and will try and use everything it can to make you continue on with your additive behaviors and if it knows everything about you and exactly how to play you almost like an evil clone of yourself how can I defeat it... I'm trying to get an attitude that says I know I can beat this and stay clean but apart of me is almost saying to myself just wait until the next time you give in... Is the sick part of me stronger than the real me I'm trying to be ...? Sorry if this is confusing I'm really confused myself as to why I feel so weak and unstable.. I know I'm powerless over my addictions and that it's important to come to terms with that but I almost feel like that's why I stay sick.. I know I'm going to lose many friends by quitting and I shouldn't feel sad about that because that means they are really not my friends but I still can't help but feel a little sad and bitter .. Like why can't I drink normally and just have a good time and not black out and act like a complete psycho! I'm tired of embarrassing myself and I'm ready to see what sobriety has to offer but it's just hard because I feel like anywhere I want to go there is alcohol and I know that has to be avoided I just pray for strength to stay strong and really give myself a chance to strengthen my sober muscles enough to say no I don't drink anymore and mean it regardless of what people say or think .. It's not about them or for them it's for me!

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 3 kdg we'l be here if you get cravings log in and say it there is lots
Of ways to combat cravings the important thing is how well your doing and how well you will be because of it

Dee74

It's not weird at all.

The good thing is - you can make plans to counter that AV if it comes back.

There's some great plan ideas here:
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

You've got the upper hand here kdg

D

PurpleKnight

Great job on Day 3!! Keep pushing through!!