JerryFish

My last post in my previous thread has shown me to be a total maniac who can't reasonably be taken seriously ever again. It is my absurd insanity that I expressed to the fullest.

Some would say that it is the Hulk version of the AV. Which I guess it is. But coming back after this... I can't imagine such a reality.

Thanks for your help, goodbye, and if your well-meant replies include that it's ok, I'm assuming you haven't seen what I posted.

Dee74

Noone was ever harder on me than I was on myself.

Drink some water and get some rest Jerry - maybe some food when you wake up....we'll be here tomorrow

D

ckoures

Jerry, I, too - like Dee - am harder on myself than anyone. Take a nap. Quiet your mind. And come back. Life is not meant to be this hellacious.

damascus1986

We all have done some things were not proud of. the best thing we can do ist start over and do our best to learn grow and make right what we can. hope you come back and give SR another try

JerryFish

Couldn't sleep.

It keeps bugging me. Maybe it's the beer.

But be honest, please. What I posted was actually what was going on with me. With every beer I take, I feel like I'm lifting another set of weights. Like it's good for me. Like it trains my body to handle things.

So in all honesty, is that insane?

ckoures

Yes.

mary2788

Have you ever though of Rehab maybe or some sort of recovery program?

Rio97

Jerry, I always thought alcohol was "helping" me somehow. Helping me solve my problems, helping me relax, helping me have fun. That is, until the next morning when I realized, over and over, that it wasn't. That's the insanity. You're not that unique, many of us relate.

I'm sure we've all thought crazy things at one time or another. I know I have. That's what alcohol does to me.

thomas11

Hi JF, its not insane. Keep in mind that alcohol is truly a "drug" so to speak and it affects the brain. There is science behind this stuff. You are not insane, but when you are influenced by alcohol, you may not be at your best. I believe you are a normal person. One reason I believe that is because you are questioning your own sanity. Crazy people don't do that. They think they are 100% "cool". I can't give any advice, but I've seen many lucid and "warm" posts from you. I believe you are in a rut, and need to pull out of it. And you can.

Dee74

There's no sense in trying to make sense of things that don't make sense Jerry....you're drinking...it's not a great time for psychological insights.

Like Scott said, there's nothing you haven't thought, said or done that I or someone else here hasn't said thought done or posted.

Cut yourself some slack - you're no different in any substantial way to anyone else here.

I hope you decide to stop drinking and get some rest.

D

sugarbear1

Alcoholic delusion. The alcohol isn't good for the body or brain.

You can stay stopped, if you want to badly enough.

I was once just like you. I do understand.

Sending you love and hugs

JerryFish

Thank you. It is my reason for not wanting to come back. Because my AV has gotten into the realm of insanity.

Dee74

With a due respect, drinking insanity is not real insanity.
We sober up, it wears off.

stop looking for reasons not to come back here Jerry,

D

sugarbear1

It's just alcoholic insanity. Fueled by the alcohol you are drinking.

Sanity can return.

Sending more Love and Hugs to you

JerryFish

Thanks. I'm still not sure if I can come back eventually. My thinking that I explained here is quite nuts. It's easy to say that it's the AV and it may be, but it is in me and I feel I've burned the bridge and am just shouting from the other side. But eventually it would mean not coming back anymore.

JerryFish

I would love to come back here. The insanity doesn't stop when the alcohol wears off though. When I'm perfectly sober, something tells me to down some more, to get stronger. That is the insanity.

I want to come back, but in exposing my complete driving force behind my drinking, I feel I've established I'm crazy. Which I really am not, just in this area.

This is not to discourage anyone to lay bare their motivations for drinking. I am certain none can come as close to mine and probably will be understandable. Mine are just nuts.

Dee74

I felt the drive to drink more when I was sober too Jerry - I called that addiction not insanity.
I drank so much for so long, being drunk was my normal.

I craved my normal. Again I call that maladjustment, not insanity in the true sense of the word.

but - even if there are other issues involved here with you, there's a lot of folks here who deal with mental illness as well Jerry.

There's a lot of help and support, here and in the real world, for whatever is ailing you

I categorically guarantee that things will be better if you get sober and stay that way tho

D

JerryFish

Thanks Dee. You've convinced me. I will be back. Tomorrow, to family. Building up antidepressants. Getting therapy. Not sure when I will be back, but I will be.

Thanks.

Hevyn

Never give up on yourself, Jerry. We won't.

jt1234

We will welcome you back Jerry