That Uncomfortable, Sinking Feeling
SD 7/3/15 SRJD 7/14/15
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 316
That Uncomfortable, Sinking Feeling
I've only been a member here for a week as of today, and only on day 18 of alcohol abstinence and am really enjoying the time I've spent here, even though the subjects are intense and the consequences dire at times.
I get that uncomfortable, sinking feeling when someone gets desperate enough in their life to sign up here and make that first post, we respond as best we can, and then the original poster just seems to vanish.
I understand we are all just virtual friends here for the most part, and there is only so much our SR community can do, and most of us try like hell.
Still, I can't lose that sinking feeling when I review my own posts to a desperate first time poster and they have never come back with any reply. I'm sure there could be many reasons for this, but I just automatically think relapse.
Not sure why I posted this, and I'm sure SR moderators and forum leaders see this one hundred times more than I do, I just don't like that feeling.
I wonder how many members go one topic/post and vanish?
I get that uncomfortable, sinking feeling when someone gets desperate enough in their life to sign up here and make that first post, we respond as best we can, and then the original poster just seems to vanish.
I understand we are all just virtual friends here for the most part, and there is only so much our SR community can do, and most of us try like hell.
Still, I can't lose that sinking feeling when I review my own posts to a desperate first time poster and they have never come back with any reply. I'm sure there could be many reasons for this, but I just automatically think relapse.
Not sure why I posted this, and I'm sure SR moderators and forum leaders see this one hundred times more than I do, I just don't like that feeling.
I wonder how many members go one topic/post and vanish?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Yes, Toadie, it happens. Some may get sober through other means, some come back. It's tough work for many to stay away from our DOC. It helps me to focus on the victories and the amount of misery avoided by me and those folks who succeed. My heart goes out to the people that don't make it. However, keeping myself sober and on track has to be my first priority. It helps me to feel I am supporting others but I can't do that if it results in negative consequences for me. Harsh? Perhaps, but I can't be any help to anyone else if I don't take care of myself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
When it comes down to it, the only one who gets you sober, is you, Toadie. Thankfully, there are many, many tools out there for those of us who seek sobriety, SR being one of them. It is the individual that has to utilize the tools, though. You have done your part by being a resource. After that you have to let go and trust that the Universe has everyone's best interests at heart and is working with each individual in time to bring health and life back to their hearts. Just work fervently on your own life, with the help and guidance of your HP and the world will already be a better place. 
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by toadie54 
I wonder how many members go one topic/post and vanish?
I got discouraged too. I was spending a lot of time responding to first-time posters and they were not coming back. I decided that my time was better spent responding to those who were using SR on a more regular basis.
But those folks leave too. I've gone back to replying to first-time posters. You never know what sticks. I've seen folks post a second time years after their first post, ready to make the commitment to get sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
I know what you mean, I get that too. Actually I did that very thing a few years ago, posted then vanished and drank and spiralled, but I did come back! I think people see how much help and support there is here and when they're ready they'll come back. That's what I hope.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
I loved the encouragement and help from seasoned SR people to first time posters or others who may have vanished (I also have done that). When you post, you don't know how many you help when others read your posts, whether they're SR members or guest lurkers.
What you say may stay with someone for some time, whether or not they post again, and may be the cause of their sobriety right away or later.
The same is true for controversial threads. Nothing like one of those to create pages of responses. So many of those responses are gold for others who are serious about their sobriety, even if it doesn't resonate with the OP.
What you say may stay with someone for some time, whether or not they post again, and may be the cause of their sobriety right away or later.
The same is true for controversial threads. Nothing like one of those to create pages of responses. So many of those responses are gold for others who are serious about their sobriety, even if it doesn't resonate with the OP.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
So true Kale. The words are there and someone somewhere may well connect with them even if it's not the OP.
When support is offered it shows to everyone reading that the help is there for someone who is ready to take it. Not everyone is entirely ready to do that the first time they post.
When support is offered it shows to everyone reading that the help is there for someone who is ready to take it. Not everyone is entirely ready to do that the first time they post.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I think lots of people wonder to themselves if they might have a problem with alcohol, google, and find SR. They might sign up and ask questions but haven't really made up their minds as to whether or not they need to do something about it. For as long as I have been a member here the Newcomers section constantly has new faces coming and going, but even if they don't stay they know there is a place for them to get support if they need it in the future.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Central PA
Posts: 17
Hi there. I am only on day 8, after a relapse. I joined because I need the support from a group like SR and really don't like AA meetings. I am a private person, always have been. Perhaps that is why I drink--am working on that end with addictions counselor. Anyway, I haven't posted much beause of my issues. It doesn't mean I am not reading. I understand your frustration though. I guess we all have to try and maintain sobriety in the way that works best for us. Just want to say Thanks for all your posts cuz like I said I am reading. Namaste.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I registered here in November of 2012. I got sober in June of 2013.
I remember feeling really uncomfortable when I first landed here that fall. I identified but didn't want to. I didn't want to have a problem, couldn't foresee a life without alcohol. I remember just wanting to close the laptop and get on with my life.
I went to inpatient six months later and I remember the relief I felt when I came back to SR. I never felt alone. I relished the fact that this community was here 24/7. I remember that first winter with the snow swirling outside and me sitting with my laptop on the couch feeling connected and inspired.
The seed had been planted. And what felt like hot coals six month earlier suddenly felt like a warm bath because I was ready.
SR has been invaluable to me. I have learned more about addiction/recovery/relationships than I learned during a decade of therapy. I feel grateful that I was able to read friends and family posts, as an adult child there were a lot of issues I had never realized stemmed from that upbringing.
I learned about myself from what and where I posted, what I didn't post and why certain threads rankled me. To me there is something very luxurious in being able to have a reaction in private and sit with it without having to react because someone else expects something. I came to admire many members here, some for their unfailing generosity in encouraging newcomers, some for their measured, sage advice. I realized how stilted and dry my form of communication had become after years in a corporate environment and envied those who are so adept at witty colloquial writing.
When I was ready SR was there to open doors, and not just on addiction and alcoholism. It is a gentle haven which is rare in the cyber world. And I know that for every poster here there are likely 10 lurking. And that's ok, lurking's good. It is like being behind a one way mirror and when we are ready we can step out.
Twenty five years ago a site like SR didn't exist. All the heartache and misery as well as the joy and inspiration most often happened behind closed doors. It still astounds me that someone with a decade of sobriety from Australia can connect with someone from the US who is working on 24 hours. While the part of the population that still struggles with addiction in any form are still way too high, I know that because of SR a much wider net is cast. I have seen lives change since I have been here, my own and other wonderful members.
Simply by taking the action to register and post someone has done something deliberate in regards to recovery. As we all know, that first step is the hardest. There is something magnificent about sharing people's day to day struggles and triumphs as they set about changing their lives.
I think that every time someone registers and makes that first post it is like a little bell goes off in the universe like it did when Clarence got his wings. It means a little more hope has been sprinkled in the Universe.
I remember feeling really uncomfortable when I first landed here that fall. I identified but didn't want to. I didn't want to have a problem, couldn't foresee a life without alcohol. I remember just wanting to close the laptop and get on with my life.
I went to inpatient six months later and I remember the relief I felt when I came back to SR. I never felt alone. I relished the fact that this community was here 24/7. I remember that first winter with the snow swirling outside and me sitting with my laptop on the couch feeling connected and inspired.
The seed had been planted. And what felt like hot coals six month earlier suddenly felt like a warm bath because I was ready.
SR has been invaluable to me. I have learned more about addiction/recovery/relationships than I learned during a decade of therapy. I feel grateful that I was able to read friends and family posts, as an adult child there were a lot of issues I had never realized stemmed from that upbringing.
I learned about myself from what and where I posted, what I didn't post and why certain threads rankled me. To me there is something very luxurious in being able to have a reaction in private and sit with it without having to react because someone else expects something. I came to admire many members here, some for their unfailing generosity in encouraging newcomers, some for their measured, sage advice. I realized how stilted and dry my form of communication had become after years in a corporate environment and envied those who are so adept at witty colloquial writing.
When I was ready SR was there to open doors, and not just on addiction and alcoholism. It is a gentle haven which is rare in the cyber world. And I know that for every poster here there are likely 10 lurking. And that's ok, lurking's good. It is like being behind a one way mirror and when we are ready we can step out.
Twenty five years ago a site like SR didn't exist. All the heartache and misery as well as the joy and inspiration most often happened behind closed doors. It still astounds me that someone with a decade of sobriety from Australia can connect with someone from the US who is working on 24 hours. While the part of the population that still struggles with addiction in any form are still way too high, I know that because of SR a much wider net is cast. I have seen lives change since I have been here, my own and other wonderful members.
Simply by taking the action to register and post someone has done something deliberate in regards to recovery. As we all know, that first step is the hardest. There is something magnificent about sharing people's day to day struggles and triumphs as they set about changing their lives.
I think that every time someone registers and makes that first post it is like a little bell goes off in the universe like it did when Clarence got his wings. It means a little more hope has been sprinkled in the Universe.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
That's really a lovely post, Jaynie. Funny, I was thinking about "It's a Wonderful Life" in this thread too, but didn't mention it. More about how George was awfully discouraged but was shown how much of an impact he had on others without really realizing it. One of my favorite movies.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 16
Here is another point of view. I discovered this site a couple weeks ago, and signed up and posted about a week ago. I came back and admitted faltering. I feel like since I'm not having success at the moment its probably best to kind of keep quiet and read and learn. I don't have the answers so it's probably best for me to shut up and listen.
So my point is that many of those first time posters may still be hanging around and reading but just not posting. I don't think those of you who are enjoying success in sobriety are too interested in hearing what I drank last night! But again, I am getting a lot out of reading here and fully expect this to be a substantial part of my sobriety when that time comes (hopefully sooner than later).
So my point is that many of those first time posters may still be hanging around and reading but just not posting. I don't think those of you who are enjoying success in sobriety are too interested in hearing what I drank last night! But again, I am getting a lot out of reading here and fully expect this to be a substantial part of my sobriety when that time comes (hopefully sooner than later).
SD 7/3/15 SRJD 7/14/15
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 316
Thanks for all the perspectives...my hopes for first time/one time posters has been renewed!
Jaynie, I appreciate all the thought you infused into your particular response.
Jaynie, I appreciate all the thought you infused into your particular response.
SD 7/3/15 SRJD 7/14/15
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 316
RunningAway, welcome to our class of July 2015! Thanks for posting.
I really don't expect first time posters to be responding all over the forums, rather just letting everyone who has offered their words of encouragement know that they are still out there on their first post...even just clicking the thanks button shows us that they are there, sober or not.
I really don't expect first time posters to be responding all over the forums, rather just letting everyone who has offered their words of encouragement know that they are still out there on their first post...even just clicking the thanks button shows us that they are there, sober or not.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 94
Jaynie, really excellent post! Those first time/one time posters sometimes do come back - I know as I am one of them. Was here for a while a few years ago & like so many other idiots thought I could handle a bit of social drinking after being sober for 7 years. If I can quit for that long, it means I am able to handle it in moderation, right... Wrong. But anyway I came back here and trying again and when I see people popping up and disappearing, I hope the same happens to them.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
First off, toadie, don't say you've "only" been sober 18 days. 18 days is huge. Heck, 1 day is huge for someone who drank like I drank. Don't downgrade your own accomplishments. You are doing great!
As I've grown close to others here, I've had to learn to not let their bad decisions, slides, and/or relapses affect my own recovery. All I can do is keep offering my experience, strength, and hope to others here on a daily basis. I have no control over others in any way at all. Sometimes that's easier said than done as I want everyone here to experience the same miraculous changes in their life that I am here on day 75 of continuous sobriety.
Keep putting yourself out there--whether others stay sober or not, your actions in trying to help them is keeping YOU sober today. There is an amazing amount of power in the simple act of one addict helping another. And you never know, you might just say that one thing here that keeps someone from taking that first drink today.
As I've grown close to others here, I've had to learn to not let their bad decisions, slides, and/or relapses affect my own recovery. All I can do is keep offering my experience, strength, and hope to others here on a daily basis. I have no control over others in any way at all. Sometimes that's easier said than done as I want everyone here to experience the same miraculous changes in their life that I am here on day 75 of continuous sobriety.
Keep putting yourself out there--whether others stay sober or not, your actions in trying to help them is keeping YOU sober today. There is an amazing amount of power in the simple act of one addict helping another. And you never know, you might just say that one thing here that keeps someone from taking that first drink today.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Originally Posted by RunningAway
Here is another point of view. I discovered this site a couple weeks ago, and signed up and posted about a week ago. I came back and admitted faltering. I feel like since I'm not having success at the moment its probably best to kind of keep quiet and read and learn. I don't have the answers so it's probably best for me to shut up and listen.
So my point is that many of those first time posters may still be hanging around and reading but just not posting. I don't think those of you who are enjoying success in sobriety are too interested in hearing what I drank last night! But again, I am getting a lot out of reading here and fully expect this to be a substantial part of my sobriety when that time comes (hopefully sooner than later).
So my point is that many of those first time posters may still be hanging around and reading but just not posting. I don't think those of you who are enjoying success in sobriety are too interested in hearing what I drank last night! But again, I am getting a lot out of reading here and fully expect this to be a substantial part of my sobriety when that time comes (hopefully sooner than later).
SD 7/3/15 SRJD 7/14/15
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 316
Casey. thanks for your support as always! 
I do have great optimism and willpower, and SR seems to be a good fit for me...and I know you can only post your encouragement and move forward yourself...it's just that momentary feeling I get after reading a heart wrenching first topic creation/post and then nothing after that.
I try, but don't always post to first timers...I do make the effort though.
I do have great optimism and willpower, and SR seems to be a good fit for me...and I know you can only post your encouragement and move forward yourself...it's just that momentary feeling I get after reading a heart wrenching first topic creation/post and then nothing after that.
I try, but don't always post to first timers...I do make the effort though.
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