Tansy

My ex got my kids and the house as has been mentioned on other posts. Then he decided to drink all day and all night. His brother moved in and was doing drugs and drinking all the time too. My daughter phoned me on Friday and told me things had to stop. It is really bad round there. My boys are suffering. She told me many things. Awful things. My ex wants shooting only it would be a waste of bullet. His neglect of the boys has been beyond the pale. Her and my 5 other older children have been trying to make things better but it was growing too difficult. I am still not allowed in.

I found a house for us to rent today and am viewing it on Wednesday. It's fabulous, in a great location and near my Sunday bloke who has turned into a week night one too . My boys are coming home. I have them back. Ex can rot in the house. I don't think he will live much longer, but my boys have their lives to start living. I am ecstatic.

amy55

Hi Tansy,

I missed you. So happy that things are turning around for you.

Are you in a place now where you can get help with your boys. I do remember that situation was kind of hard for you.

Thank you so much for your update.

((((((((hugs))))))))
amy

Tansy

Thank you Amy Yes it will be much better now. There is an al anon too when they are ready.

firebolt

Glad to hear, Tansy. And a good reminder that the facade can't last forever. Thanks for the update!

amy55

Tansy,

Are there services there available to help them with their special needs? I remember before that there wasn't, and for you to even get out of the house, it was a major to do about it.

I am just so happy to hear from you, and that things are better.

You and your sons are always in my prayers.

amy

redatlanta

So happy to hear!!!

Tansy

I have a good support network here Amy and there is a respite care agency if I need it.

amy55

I am so happy to hear that. I really am happy for you. Tansy, I say this sincerely, I will always be here for you. This forum may be about alcoholism, but it is also about moving on. You taught me a lot, thank you for that. You will always remain in my heart.

Tansy

Thank you Amy I have already found a place to live. It 3 bedroomed and has a large living room and kitchen diner. It belongs to friend who is willing to rent it to me indefinitely. I am so pleased. This time last year I was in the depths of despair and you have helped me so much too.

I'm looking forward to having my boys home and us rebuilding our lives into some semblance of a normal family. It's going to be great.

hopeful4

Yay Tansy!!!!!!!

Refiner

Tandy this is awesome! Congratulations!

Tansy

The friends place fell through but I now have the keys to a better place and my boys will be moving in with me on the 25rd of July. I am moving in next week to give me time to have curtains up and my stuff unpacked before they arrive with all their things.

My children are warriors. They have shielded my boys from the worst of it and I can see why 3 are not speaking to me cos exah basically went from functioning to being too ill to have detox in the space of 8 months of me leaving. Cos of exah manipulation I couldn't even get back in the house to help. I am hoping counselling and time to reflect may help them see things how it is instead of exah's tainted view of it.

I've tried to be gracious. I've tried to be supportive but it all comes down to exah is a selfish waste of space who ruins everyone's lives he comes in contact with. He refused to even transfer the boys disability money until I claim it. I had to get a grant to tide us over. If I hadn't we would have struggled. Exah doesn't care. His only consideration is how much money he has for drink. My poor boys hate him now for what they have witnessed and what they have woken up to. He has done it all himself.

So onwards and upwards. My boys have agreed to go to AL-anon and my son, touchingly said on the phone today. It's great to talk to you, mum, cos you are sober. It's great to know when we are with you we can sleep in peace and there will be no one shouting and banging around and drinking all night. That we won't get up to mess everywhere and be alone all day with nothing to eat in the house. : ( So they are coming to me. Life can only get better.

firebolt

::bighighfivetansy::: So glad everything is coming together.

amy55

Hi Tansy,

So happy things are working out for you. It's really great about this better place.

Also wanted to tell you that my children didn't talk to me for a long time after the divorce. I am just finding out about the lies he told them. I'm really happy that things are working out for you . How old are your sons now. Is it 17? The place where you are do they have any services for autism?

Just wanted to say I am really happy for you.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

Tansy

They are 16 Amy. They are so looking forward to coming to live with me the day has been moved to a day earlier. The fact one hardly leaves the house shows the level of how awful it has been with ex that he is prepared to move miles to be with me. He hates change but is coming anyway. I cannot wait to have them safe again. I have a good support network here of many friends and won't be isolated with them

amy55

Tansy, I am so happy for you. I remember how you felt so isolated. I remember when you couldn't even leave the house. I am just wishing the best for you.

For your son that is agoraphobic, do you think you might have some support on the outside for this?

I really think that things happen for a reason. I think in your case it got you out of that house, your found a new place, you are getting your sons back, and your other children are realizing what you were going through. Just keep being strong, like I know you can be. I think you are terrific.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

amy

Tansy

Thank you Amy xx I think his agoraphobia is caused by the atmosphere in the house. It grew in direct correlation to exah drinking. At the time I put it down to us moving house but it was when we moved house exah used the move as an excuse to really go for it drink wise. Exah decided he hated the move, didn't like were we were living despite being asked no less than 50 times prior to it if he was happy to move. Exah did this with most things in life. He would agree to something, seem happy about it, then say after the event he had never said he wanted to do it and use it as an excuse to hit the bottle. I think once my son is in a drink free house and is happy again he may want to go out. He always used too.