Liveitwell

11 years ago this holiday weekend I met my ex. And I knew. Knew he was the one for me. He was honest, loyal, dependable, apologized when he messed up and tried his best every day to show me his love. He was a country boy and rough around the edges-that's what I liked about him. He brought out a spirit in me that I didn't know existed and boy did I love him. Truly, deeply, madly. Still do love that man-so much it hurts. Sometimes I wish we could go back to those days of young love before everything got so messy. But reality is we cannot. I know that true lasting love requires much more than just wishing things were different-one must MAKE them different. So today, exactly 11 years later all his stuff got moved out if the house and his precious old truck towed to his new house. Seeing his tools, etc go got me choked up-that's the man I fell in love with....he liked to build things and was damn good at it, he liked to hunt and fish, he wanted to fix up an old truck...these things were not what I liked but I loved him for him. I didn't marry him to be a runner like me....just wanted him to take care of himself. I looked forward to sharing this house with him and someday soon buying a piece of land where we could take our girls for the weekend and just be...I looked forward to chickens, goats, etcetera bc that was him. As I watched everything get loaded up, my heart broke a little more. Pieces of our life together leaving-bc there is no us and there hasn't been for years. Angry, sad, but accept it all.

Liveitwell

Reality: he just sent me a message saying "congrats-you won". That's reality.

dandylion

forourgirls......yes. Yes, this is exactly what the grieving process is like....
Sifting through the thoughts,memories,experiences.....remembering....p ouring over all of it.....reliving old emotions..... Waves of angst......so bittersweet. Emotions all jumbled together, sometimes.
It seems that we have to "revisit" it all, eventually---usually triggered by something.....

All I can say to you is that this is a very normal (and necessary) process.
It will go on for a while.... Don't fight it...just cry when you need to.

It won't always feel like this..... I promise.
This, too, shall pass...

dandylion

biminiblue

So sorry, Forourgirls. I hope you can relax into what's left of your weekend. There is just no understanding it.

It gets better. Just know that.

dandylion

LOL!....LOL!........I posted my message before I read about his message.


See.....I told you it won't always stay like this.......!!

dandylion

ladyscribbler

Sending hugs.

daydreamer0217

what a powerful day full of lots of emotions. all my best to you .... I know it is heartbreaking

LexieCat

Hugs, For,

I'm glad his stuff is out. And yes, his message shows just how clueless he is--like this is something you cooked up just to "win." Don't let that get under your skin. Use it as reinforcement that this was your ONLY good option at this point.

Give yourself and the kiddos a chance to regroup. It will get better--maybe not immediately, but having him and his stuff out will give you all at least SOME relief.

ladyscribbler

Yep. My ex left a voicemail saying almost the exact same thing after our child support hearing. Totally ridiculous.

Liveitwell

Thank you all. Very much. Needed to hear these things. Who knows what the future holds. ^^ this-exactly Lexie-he is absolutely clueless.

Liveitwell

Lady-shows how sick their head is. Like this is some sort of sick game for them? I don't get it and never will.

honeypig

Forourgirls, I send you my wishes for peace and strength. I've always taken anniversaries hard, too. There's something about that "mile marker" stuck into the passage of time that makes things just that much more real.

Tomorrow is my 19th wedding anniversary (we're legally separated but still technically married, I guess). I've been having all kinds of thoughts and memories about that day, the wedding itself (courthouse wedding, no big affair), the dinner, the friends that were with us. I remember my husband choking up w/emotion while saying his vows. I remember the hopes and dreams I had. My god, I had no idea then of all that would happen in the years to come....

Hang in, Forourgirls, just hang on. As you and others have said, you're moving in the right direction. You're doing the right thing. You're going to come out of this so much better off and so much happier.

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NYCDoglvr

Oh yes, it is certainly sad. Letting go is a process and this is the grieving part. A very big hug.

PHIZ007

I could have written your post myself...

Except he hasn't moved out...yet.

But I know that that is where we are heading...it's all so sad. Another family broken because of the disease of alcoholism.

My heart goes out to you. We will help carry you along this new path.

I have heard it's really peaceful at the other side....once we get there.
Take care of yourself.....

My husband often rages and it often ends with ' congratulations...YOU won'.....

It breaks my heart.
All the very best Phiz

Liveitwell

I think the hardest part is that I did and could deal with all the other issues-him-because I loved him. And he did the same for me. We both have issues-who doesn't! I wanted him...minus the alcoholism. I know-not reality. How incredibly sad.

redatlanta

Your post really touched me - I felt how you felt watching everything moved and the loss of what should have been. Then I read his rendition......

"congrats-you won".


That about sums it up it snapped me right out of the girl-movie moment. My heart has been pieced back together, and reality is he is a sh*t head. I hope you still get that piece of land with the goats et al.

Liveitwell

Yes!! Reality is just that. Maybe someday he will get it-maybe not. That's his deal and his salvation to wrestle with.

dandylion

Well, redatlanta.......you got me to thinking bout Forourgirls.......
About the land and the chickens and goats, etc.

.....I got to thinking about Michigan....beautiful Michigan......
I thought of all the males in Michigan who can fix a truck and like to build things...and, who like the outdoors and the animals out back.....who like to fish or go hiking.....some of them can play the guitar, also. Lots of them can read a book and can really, really, listen when you talk......

Girl....there must be hundreds of this kind of man in Michigan....who don't happen to be addicted and can appreciate a solid woman such as Forourgirls.
With the miracle of the world wide web---it is totally conceivable to connect with groups of people who can introduce a woman to men of this ilk.

I think it is something to think about......

dandylion

Liveitwell

Oh Dandy-that may be true but I'm actually in Texas...Detroit as my cover in hopes my ex and his crazy sister wouldn't track me down, again-I've had four screen names over the past two years bc of them. But I'm not doing anything wrong by posting the truth so I'll change my profile to accurately reflect me

dandylion

Fourourgirls......I AM SO SORRY! I sure did get that all twisted up!!
I don't even know where I got the idea of Michigan! (it is a beautiful state, though).

My whole point was that you can have new dreams--that can come true.

You have so much of life in front of you.....

dandylion