Littlebear

I am an alcoholic. I have an addiction. I want to submerge myself so badly in it...the wine...and have done a little tonight, 2 large glasses tonight, one last night and the night before. I've been so deeply unhappy and there's no-one to go to, share it with. I've been working hard, excersising, meditating, being as mindful as I can manage. Working long hours. Seeing a therapist. Eating better. Trying so much to get over my recent split with my boyfriend. But it's too hard. Being sober only woke me up to how deeply alone I am and how adrift I feel.

I am going to sleep now to make work in the morning. Will try to check in some time soon but don't know when. I am disappointed in me. I just cannot do this - be sober. too hard. I feel so sorry about that

Verte

So sorry to read that you are struggling, Littlebear. It does not sound like alcohol is something in your life that makes you feel good or fills a void. You can do sobriety. It is a journey, quite a journey, one that you are on. Have a good sleep.

silentrun

I'm sorry you are feeling alone. That was a pretty good list of things you are doing. Thinking that you can't is part of that addict loop. You absolutely can. Is there anything else you can think of to add?

mecanix

Staying actively drinking was more difficult than being sober .

Being sober at the beginning caused me quite a lot of pain , more than blasting myself into the void with drink .. I had to sit with uncomfortable feelings . It's simple but not easy .

I had faith in those who told me it would get better if i stuck with it . It came right day by day , week by week , month by month .

The wine only made me miserable over time (not surprising drinking a depressant to deal with sadness, isolation and loneliness) , sobriety made me happier over time with some effort and time invested in trying to work at life and myself .

Take care , m

least

I felt hopeless too for a long time. I thought I was an utter failure. But when I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, I was able to stay sober, and it's almost five and a half years now.

Stick with it, a day, an hour, a minute at a time. If you can stay sober long enough, you will reap the rewards of a sober life. I am at peace with myself, which I never was when I was drinking.

Give sobriety a good shot. It's worth the effort.

biminiblue

I am single and have been for many years. All of my family has died. I'm not working right now and I have only what I would call acquaintances, not friends.

I am even a little older than you.

I can tell you that the alcohol makes everything seem more sad, more lonely, more depressing, more hopeless - by 1000%.

I could easily feel the same. Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. I had to get out of my self-pity to stay sober. It is a killer. If I start going down that path (and, believe me I know the way) I have to get up and do something. It is a decision to dwell on negative thoughts and it is the worst thing to do.

I focus on gratitude every day - even for the smallest things. It saves me.

Soberpotamus

I found this to be true for me.

Littlebear, it's hard at first. But we all had to slog through the initial pains and discomforts. You can do it. Find little things each day to motivate you until one day, you realize they are big things. And that they've completely taken the place of your dependence on alcohol. That's how it happened for me.

A little bit of faith at first

Hevyn

Littlebear - please never give up on your desire to have a better life. I drank for 30 yrs. & it was rough in the beginning - I had used it to cope for so long. Except that it wasn't really helping me the way I imagined it was. As the others said, it only makes things more sad and awful. It sends our anxiety through the roof. I hope you check in soon LB - you are loved and cared about.

strategery

It seems like you have a lot on your plate Littlebear.

I hope you check back in here soon. Know you have it in you to get sober.

fini

Littlebear,
for sure it's true that removing the anaesthetic brings the pain more to the foreground. whatever the pain may be.
and the lack of coping skills other than drinking.

one of the things that got me through was to know that i WANTED the real reality, even though i didn't know how it would be when i set out on the sober journey.

yes, being sober woke me up to plenty of other stuff.

have you considered joining a recovery meeting? it might really help with the loneliness and give you people to share with as well as seeing how others do it.

FreeOwl

YES!!!!

Exactly.

And without being 'awake' to that feeling, we can never heal it...

Littlebear - it's scary, I know.

But the answer is not diving back into the bottle.... the answer is diving into that feeling.

Please don't let the fear of it scare you back into a horrible life of trying to run. That won't work.

But facing those scary feelings, allowing yourself to feel them, being a friend to yourself.... allowing that little scared, alone, adrift Littlebear out in the light - THAT is the way to find relief.

And on the other side of relief....

Joy.