healthyagain

Today is 10th. If all goes as planned, this might be my last weekend in this apartment. And I am happy. The credit card came on Friday. And I felt so good about it. But guess what? I felt the urge to share the news with . . . Guess who? Yep, with my AH. Of course I did not say a word. But isn't it crazy? It was almost automatic. Honey, look what I got! Now I can build my credit history! Even now, after all the insults, this is how I circle around him.

Anyway, my lips are sealed about the move. I learnt my lesson 2 weeks ago. Zip it, you cannot trust him, do your thing. Strange that he doesn't mention anything, only once he said "all these college kids are leaving." And I said "yep."

LexieCat

I don't know that that is addiction to him so much as it is force of habit. You're used to sharing important "news" with him. It will take a little time to adjust your mindset, but I don't think it's anything to especially worry about. It isn't like you are throwing away your plans because the thought of leaving is unbearable.

healthyagain

With leaving comes uncertainty, but with staying, I know exactly how it gonna be.

He is my bad habit. Love how you put it.

FeelingGreat

I know what you mean ha; it's like a reflex. Congratulations on getting your card, and having your plans together. I hope you get through the emotional part without too much pain.

auroraxborealis

I'm still like that, too. I have a red Ford, and got a bottle of polish that Ford and OPI teamed up with in the same shade as my car that I bought to fix the paint chips/dents. I was so excited when I opened the mail, because I had forgotten about it. My first thought was, "Oh good! Now X can help me paint my car!"

My second thought was, "Oh. Right. I don't get to do that anymore."

My brother just got a new car. Blue. The color I wanted (they only had red when I bought mine), and it's my X's favorite color. I'm jealous both because it's the color I wanted, and because X would like it better (he doesn't like red).

I'm coming up on a year of not being a couple, and I STILL think of him as the go-to for sharing my news/excitement/thoughts. I STILL think of him throughout the day. Today my family did some yard work for my mom as our Mother's Day thing. Last year, X did some work on our deck. I kept thinking, I wish X was here to help out this year. My mom talked about building a trellace for her plants. I kept thinking, X could build that for her.

When does it go away!?

healthyagain

It is sad in a way, but I really used to see this guy as my soul mate. And I did not mind sharing. Then one day, he took those intimate details and used them against me (there was nothing dirty, just normal stuff, like stuff about one previous relationship). He denied everything I ever was. It was like a hot iron rod right through my stomach. But there is still the urge to share.

What I started doing is reconnecting with someone more reliable, my sister. There probably will be many moments when I am going to think of him and want to share the good news. But it is strange how bad things tend to be forgotten, sleepless nights, tears, name calling. How can I forget stuff like that when I sleep on the sofa every night? And there is a reason for that.

Then there is probably some of the frog-in-the-boiling-water syndrome. I think that's it. Today is 11th, four days to go.

lightandsea

I'm preparing for the choice to leave my marriage.

One of the ways I'm trying to help myself is take on more and more on my own. I do ask others, like my mom, for help. But the daily things, the stuff like aurorax wrote about car paint: I'm trying hard to reset my patterns and habits, and celebrate small victories with myself, or a friend.

Some days it's ok, and some days it's quite sad. Detaching while being with him isn't always comfortable, but I do it so that leaving later has less of a rip.

dandylion

HealthyAgain.......may I give you a tip from Heloise..?
At the actual time of the move.....Put your head in charge---(and give your heart some "time off").
Use only your thinking, logical side.
Right now....your heart is too vulnerable and cannot be completely trusted.

A good trick is to write the main reasons that this move is in your best interest. Write the very worst things that happened in the relationship.
Just a little list on a 3 x 5 card---and, stick it in your pocket. Reach for the list if you feel yourself getting a bit wobbly......

dandylion

healthyagain

I just do not like this time in-between. Like, there was an explosion, and I am just waiting for another one. I do not think my heart is even beating these days, of course it is, but there is this emptiness inside, like I really do not care about anything anymore.

But, there are only a few days left. Just got myself some crayola markers. A few weeks ago, someone posted the topic about coloring books for grown ups. There are some really nice mandala patterns online, so these should help me kill time. And if you are wondering, I'm pretty much packed and ready to go.

hopeful4

It's a hard habit to break. When you have been sharing news, good and bad, with someone for years, it's a habit. I completely get it. It took me a while too.

Hugs to you. Glad you got it and that you are working towards your goals!

auroraxborealis

I totally just got my coloring books in the mail last Wednesday!

healthyagain

Awesome!

amy55

I am so happy for you and for this change in life. I think you are a terrific, awesome person. You really do inspire me.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))
amy

NYCDoglvr

The obsession codependents feel about addicts/alcoholics is very similar to what active drunks go through. I recommend Alanon, which saved my sanity by helping me see I had to change many character defects if I have any hope to get the kind of life I want.