strong for the weekend
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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strong for the weekend
Hi all, I posted my story a few days ago. Short of it is I am trying to quit drinking because I am a binge drinker and can never stop at one or two drinks, so I am trying to quit for good.
This weekend I have plans to be at the movie theater, which is one of those nice theaters where you have a server for food and drinks during the show. This is a place that is perfect for my old habits to return, as they have my favorite beer on tap in large glasses. I know that my wife will be having a drink or two during the show as always, and I usually get in a minimum of 4 or 5 tall beers during the show, followed by many more later at the bar. I have been fine for more than a week being at home and staying away from the liquor store on my way home from work, etc. My big worry is this weekend when I'm back in a place where I love to have a few beers (but I can't kid myself, because a few turns into many very quickly and I know I have little to no control over that). My wife does not know that I am stopping all of my drinking. I'm sure she thinks it's strange that I haven't been drinking for over a week, but she has been a bit sick with a cold and hasn't had her normal drink or two once every few days, so she likely hasn't noticed or thinks I don't want to drink alone.
When that server comes around, and i order a pop or water, she is gonna look at me like I'm crazy! The reason I haven't told her my intentions is that for some reason I think she will be disappointed that I think I have a "problem" even though it is her spoken concern about how many empty beer cans were on the counter following my binge nights. She likely thinks that I should "slow down" and just have a beer or two to unwind....unfortunately I am unable to do that. Once I start drinking, I don't stop til I feel good and takes many more than 2. Anyways, I'm just posting because I'm concerned what her reaction will be and I'm not looking forward to the conversation. My addiction is more mental than physical, but I know the mental struggle will be very difficult. I hope that I don't cave and try to have one or two, because I know it will not end there. I want to quit completely. Not looking forward to the movie like I usually do. Thanks for reading
This weekend I have plans to be at the movie theater, which is one of those nice theaters where you have a server for food and drinks during the show. This is a place that is perfect for my old habits to return, as they have my favorite beer on tap in large glasses. I know that my wife will be having a drink or two during the show as always, and I usually get in a minimum of 4 or 5 tall beers during the show, followed by many more later at the bar. I have been fine for more than a week being at home and staying away from the liquor store on my way home from work, etc. My big worry is this weekend when I'm back in a place where I love to have a few beers (but I can't kid myself, because a few turns into many very quickly and I know I have little to no control over that). My wife does not know that I am stopping all of my drinking. I'm sure she thinks it's strange that I haven't been drinking for over a week, but she has been a bit sick with a cold and hasn't had her normal drink or two once every few days, so she likely hasn't noticed or thinks I don't want to drink alone.
When that server comes around, and i order a pop or water, she is gonna look at me like I'm crazy! The reason I haven't told her my intentions is that for some reason I think she will be disappointed that I think I have a "problem" even though it is her spoken concern about how many empty beer cans were on the counter following my binge nights. She likely thinks that I should "slow down" and just have a beer or two to unwind....unfortunately I am unable to do that. Once I start drinking, I don't stop til I feel good and takes many more than 2. Anyways, I'm just posting because I'm concerned what her reaction will be and I'm not looking forward to the conversation. My addiction is more mental than physical, but I know the mental struggle will be very difficult. I hope that I don't cave and try to have one or two, because I know it will not end there. I want to quit completely. Not looking forward to the movie like I usually do. Thanks for reading
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by smallbowl 
Hi all, I posted my story a few days ago. Short of it is I am trying to quit drinking because I am a binge drinker and can never stop at one or two drinks, so I am trying to quit for good. This weekend I have plans to be at the movie theater, which is one of those nice theaters where you have a server for food and drinks during the show. This is a place that is perfect for my old habits to return, as they have my favorite beer on tap in large glasses. I know that my wife will be having a drink or two during the show as always, and I usually get in a minimum of 4 or 5 tall beers during the show, followed by many more later at the bar. I have been fine for more than a week being at home and staying away from the liquor store on my way home from work, etc. My big worry is this weekend when I'm back in a place where I love to have a few beers (but I can't kid myself, because a few turns into many very quickly and I know I have little to no control over that). My wife does not know that I am stopping all of my drinking. I'm sure she thinks it's strange that I haven't been drinking for over a week, but she has been a bit sick with a cold and hasn't had her normal drink or two once every few days, so she likely hasn't noticed or thinks I don't want to drink alone. When that server comes around, and i order a pop or water, she is gonna look at me like I'm crazy! The reason I haven't told her my intentions is that for some reason I think she will be disappointed that I think I have a "problem" even though it is her spoken concern about how many empty beer cans were on the counter following my binge nights. She likely thinks that I should "slow down" and just have a beer or two to unwind....unfortunately I am unable to do that. Once I start drinking, I don't stop til I feel good and takes many more than 2. Anyways, I'm just posting because I'm concerned what her reaction will be and I'm not looking forward to the conversation. My addiction is more mental than physical, but I know the mental struggle will be very difficult. I hope that I don't cave and try to have one or two, because I know it will not end there. I want to quit completely. Not looking forward to the movie like I usually do. Thanks for reading
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
I don't think it is a wise idea to be going to this place this early in your sobriety.
Between not telling your wife, being in a familiar environment where you used to drink, and the place having your favorite beer, it just sounds like a recipe for disaster.
What happens if your wife orders you your favorite beer?
Between not telling your wife, being in a familiar environment where you used to drink, and the place having your favorite beer, it just sounds like a recipe for disaster.
What happens if your wife orders you your favorite beer?
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 6
Hi smallbowl! I will follow your story with interest! I just joined this website today. I totally understand where you are coming from. I am a wine drinker and love sitting there relaxing with that "pretty" glass beside me. It's like having a friend with me! I really feel that my addiction is more mental that physical. My husband also doesn't know I want to stop drinking. I don't want to tell him because I am afraid I will fail! Good luck at the movie theatre! I will be waiting to hear about your success!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
That sounds like a difficult spot. Is it possible that your wife could be your biggest ally and supporter and you both are missing out on that chance by not talking to her? I wonder what will be the most stressful in the long run, keeping your abstinence a secret or having the conversation? It doesn't sound like the way it's going now is going to be sustainable. These things are tough, and I wish you the best.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 11
It will not be sustainable. I consider myself lucky after reading other stories. I have had minimal cravings, but I think that's because I have not been in one of my normal drinking situations for a short time...well, I do like to binge at home, but knowing there is no beer in the fridge keeps me from craving it. I appreciate everyone's input and thoughts. They are a huge inspiration and help. She will fond out one way or another, I fear that when she orders that first drink and I opt not to, she will regret being the only one drinking and that alone will make her feel bad which is what I don't want to do. Other people drinking around me is not much of a pressure. But I know that if I don't drink out at our normal spots, she will feel like she's "drinking alone" even though it's in a very social setting. At home it will be a non-issue because there are many nights that she pours herself a cocktail while I have nothing (either I'm still hungover from a binge or out of beer), and she doesn't at all feel bad about it. She is not an alcoholic by any means. I can't remember the last time I saw her drunk...had to be a wedding or similar occasion a few years ago, but I'm not sure. She drinks once in a while, but never more than two drinks...more commonly just one.
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I second strategy's suggestion...Don't go to a movie house that serves beer. One week of sobriety is too early to be putting yourself in harms way. If you want to enjoy a movie, there are plenty of theaters that don't serve beer.
As for telling your wife, there are plenty of reasons to quit drinking that don't equate to you being a "disappointment" because you have a problem. Not drinking is more healthy, for one. Is it a disappointment to want to remove the misery of binge drinking from your life? No.
I think you are going to have to have that talk, sooner rather than later. She might even join you in sobriety...what a wonderful support that would be.
As for telling your wife, there are plenty of reasons to quit drinking that don't equate to you being a "disappointment" because you have a problem. Not drinking is more healthy, for one. Is it a disappointment to want to remove the misery of binge drinking from your life? No.
I think you are going to have to have that talk, sooner rather than later. She might even join you in sobriety...what a wonderful support that would be.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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I personally feel the issue with not telling your wife is much larger than the movie theater question. Perhaps instead of hitting the beer theater, you could spend that time having an honest conversation with her about your intentions and issues with alcohol. And then you could go to a movie at a regular theater or perhaps dinner instead?
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 31
One thing you need to avoid (I know because I live it as well) is owning other people's feelings about you NOT drinking. By discussing with your wife, you are simply creating a boundary for YOURSELF, not imposing it on her. She will most likely be your best ally and be proud of you for making the decision.
Treat your sobriety like a newborn baby and protect it at all costs. Every little bit of help you can get along the way to nourish it should be more than welcome. Good luck!
Treat your sobriety like a newborn baby and protect it at all costs. Every little bit of help you can get along the way to nourish it should be more than welcome. Good luck!
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
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Originally Posted by HoosierFarmer
One thing you need to avoid (I know because I live it as well) is owning other people's feelings about you NOT drinking. By discussing with your wife, you are simply creating a boundary for YOURSELF, not imposing it on her.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Originally Posted by JaneLane
This is brilliant advice, thank you!
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I wanted to say that telling your wife is important (and your husband, oldgal).
It's a level of accountability to the decision to get and stay sober. To not tell is an avoidance mechanism in my mind. I projected the disappointed looks people would give me or the things they would say if I drank after saying I was quitting. I'd recommend putting together a solid plan to quit, enlist support, and go from there.
I agree with everything Strategery said about going to the movie theater. I wouldn't have made it without drinking. Maybe take a rain check.
It's a level of accountability to the decision to get and stay sober. To not tell is an avoidance mechanism in my mind. I projected the disappointed looks people would give me or the things they would say if I drank after saying I was quitting. I'd recommend putting together a solid plan to quit, enlist support, and go from there.
I agree with everything Strategery said about going to the movie theater. I wouldn't have made it without drinking. Maybe take a rain check.
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Join Date: May 2014
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Originally Posted by Ruby2
I wanted to say that telling your wife is important (and your husband, oldgal). It's a level of accountability to the decision to get and stay sober. To not tell is an avoidance mechanism in my mind. I projected the disappointed looks people would give me or the things they would say if I drank after saying I was quitting. I'd recommend putting together a solid plan to quit, enlist support, and go from there. I agree with everything Strategery said about going to the movie theater. I wouldn't have made it without drinking. Maybe take a rain check.
It's fear though, and that fear has contributed to my relapses. If something isn't working, it has to change, so I told my partner and then it was done.
It can make it easier when you're both out too. We bumped into friends yesterday and since my fiancé is tee total anyway, he immediately suggested getting coffee instead of my usual suggestion of "let's go to the bar!"
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Thanks everyone for your advice and support!
*I finished typing my response, tried to post it, and it didn't post....so frustrating...so I'm trying again*
I took today to organize my thoughts with the intention of telling my wife about my decision to quit drinking. I was dreading her response, would she be upset or worried? Mad? Would she try to explain to me that my drinking is not a problem? Would she tell me the best idea is to stop the binging, but just "take control" and drink less? Well, I wish I could, but one or two beers is never enough. I don't have the popower to stop once I start. So I just can't start anymore!
I organized my thoughts on the computer. For some reason, probably out of fear that I would have done all this work and talk myself into delaying telling her another day, I copied and pasted what I wrote to an email and sent it to her! I did not want to bring up or discuss this over email, I felt horrible! To my surprise, she qquickly responded and let me know that she supports my decision and will be there to help in any way. Not only that, she told me the things she struggles with and how she manages to help herself! Wow, she's amazing. I can now enjoy the movie this Saturday, where I am used to binge drinking, and I feel no pressure at all. I can do this! I am up to the challenge and I will succeed! Thanks again, all the advice and support here have helped me more than you know.
*I finished typing my response, tried to post it, and it didn't post....so frustrating...so I'm trying again*
I took today to organize my thoughts with the intention of telling my wife about my decision to quit drinking. I was dreading her response, would she be upset or worried? Mad? Would she try to explain to me that my drinking is not a problem? Would she tell me the best idea is to stop the binging, but just "take control" and drink less? Well, I wish I could, but one or two beers is never enough. I don't have the popower to stop once I start. So I just can't start anymore!
I organized my thoughts on the computer. For some reason, probably out of fear that I would have done all this work and talk myself into delaying telling her another day, I copied and pasted what I wrote to an email and sent it to her! I did not want to bring up or discuss this over email, I felt horrible! To my surprise, she qquickly responded and let me know that she supports my decision and will be there to help in any way. Not only that, she told me the things she struggles with and how she manages to help herself! Wow, she's amazing. I can now enjoy the movie this Saturday, where I am used to binge drinking, and I feel no pressure at all. I can do this! I am up to the challenge and I will succeed! Thanks again, all the advice and support here have helped me more than you know.
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
I personally feel the issue with not telling your wife is much larger than the movie theater question. Perhaps instead of hitting the beer theater, you could spend that time having an honest conversation with her about your intentions and issues with alcohol. And then you could go to a movie at a regular theater or perhaps dinner instead?
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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So I'm back from the movie. Went to the theater as planned, where I have been comfortable drinking. My first real challenge....and I passed!
I can't say it was easy, I thought it would be. Reading over a lot of people's posts avout the struggles with cravings...I never had "cravings" until tonight. I got into that comfortable place, knowing they had what I wanted. But I ordered a coke. I ate food. But no beer. The craving was very intense for sure, I am sure the anticipation of the night was a contributing factor. Funny thing is, I didn't crave the "taste" of that beer, I craved the feeling I would have after having a bunch of them. I just need to stay away from the first one, and i did it. A small hurdle, but I cleared it. I have mixed feelings. I thought after a passed test like this I'd feel great, but for some reason I feel depressed, but I know it's my addiction telling me that I should be drunk right now. It's after midnight on a Saturday night and I haven't had a drop. I want to have that feeling that I'm so used to, but I know my health will suffer and I continue to steer clear. All week leading up to tonight reading and posting here, enjoying all the comments and advice, I was feeling good and strong. Now that the challenge is over and passed, I hate this feeling of depression and the cravings I experienced. I have to say that if I were home instead of at the show, I still think my addiction would've let me know that I should be drunk. This is harder than I expected. Hope everyone else's weekend is going well. Thanks again for reading
I can't say it was easy, I thought it would be. Reading over a lot of people's posts avout the struggles with cravings...I never had "cravings" until tonight. I got into that comfortable place, knowing they had what I wanted. But I ordered a coke. I ate food. But no beer. The craving was very intense for sure, I am sure the anticipation of the night was a contributing factor. Funny thing is, I didn't crave the "taste" of that beer, I craved the feeling I would have after having a bunch of them. I just need to stay away from the first one, and i did it. A small hurdle, but I cleared it. I have mixed feelings. I thought after a passed test like this I'd feel great, but for some reason I feel depressed, but I know it's my addiction telling me that I should be drunk right now. It's after midnight on a Saturday night and I haven't had a drop. I want to have that feeling that I'm so used to, but I know my health will suffer and I continue to steer clear. All week leading up to tonight reading and posting here, enjoying all the comments and advice, I was feeling good and strong. Now that the challenge is over and passed, I hate this feeling of depression and the cravings I experienced. I have to say that if I were home instead of at the show, I still think my addiction would've let me know that I should be drunk. This is harder than I expected. Hope everyone else's weekend is going well. Thanks again for reading
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