Great article on enabling and getting out of it
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
Great article on enabling and getting out of it
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
happycampers....a good article, I think....describing the fundamentals of enabling.
It sounds so simple when viewed, objectively, from the outside.
To me, it does not feel so simple when one is sitting in the middle of the "toxic situation" in real life!...lol!
I think that the difficulty comes because we, as individuals, have our ego and our ego needs entangled with our loved ones. In other words, we have our "emotional insides" out on the chopping block.
Even worse, over time, the pain incurred causes even more problems to arise in the form of dysfunctional coping mechanisms and behaviors of our own.
After a time, we find ourselves up to our nostrils in the duck soup.
We are in pain and fear and literally can't seem to find a way out in one piece.
We become the barely walking wounded.
I guess that this is just a long-winded way of me saying--it looks so simple, and logical and understandable on paper--but it just ain't!!! (duh)
Thanks for posting this, happycampers. It does help to have a crow's eye-view of the terrain.
It does provoke thinking and, maybe, useful exchanges o n the matter.....
dandylion
It sounds so simple when viewed, objectively, from the outside.
To me, it does not feel so simple when one is sitting in the middle of the "toxic situation" in real life!...lol!
I think that the difficulty comes because we, as individuals, have our ego and our ego needs entangled with our loved ones. In other words, we have our "emotional insides" out on the chopping block.
Even worse, over time, the pain incurred causes even more problems to arise in the form of dysfunctional coping mechanisms and behaviors of our own.
After a time, we find ourselves up to our nostrils in the duck soup.
We are in pain and fear and literally can't seem to find a way out in one piece.
We become the barely walking wounded.
I guess that this is just a long-winded way of me saying--it looks so simple, and logical and understandable on paper--but it just ain't!!! (duh)
Thanks for posting this, happycampers. It does help to have a crow's eye-view of the terrain.
It does provoke thinking and, maybe, useful exchanges o n the matter.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
While it may not be clear or easy while "sitting in the middle of this toxic situation" there comes a time, where, if we want to survive , we must push/ pull/ drag/ force ourselves to think outside that toxic box, and simply ask the question, what if?
What if it is truly possible to live free of this never ending, never changing crazy train of abuse/neglect/ manipulation/ lies/ denial/control ?
Until you reach your bottom/ threshhold/ limit, whatever you choose to call it, the cycle will continue, and it will continue to increase in frequency, as the disease progresses.
Fear of the unknown paralyzes, keeps us stuck, when in fact we should be more fearful of living aboard the crazy train with an active addict, talk about a life of uncertainty, and zero security.
What if ?
What if it is truly possible to live free of this never ending, never changing crazy train of abuse/neglect/ manipulation/ lies/ denial/control ?
Until you reach your bottom/ threshhold/ limit, whatever you choose to call it, the cycle will continue, and it will continue to increase in frequency, as the disease progresses.
Fear of the unknown paralyzes, keeps us stuck, when in fact we should be more fearful of living aboard the crazy train with an active addict, talk about a life of uncertainty, and zero security.
What if ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
If some of the addicts can pull themselves out of the gutter, so can some of the enablers -it's up to US alone to decide if we've reached that point. Another good article from the addict side : My Addiction Shaped the Woman I Am Today | Keeley Milne
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