What's an real alcoholic?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Down Under
Posts: 400
What's an real alcoholic?
I had a professional physician and a psychologist tell me, the first time I quit, that a 'real' alcoholic couldn't have done what I did. That is, quit from day 1 of seeing them for a month.
But I relapsed.
I found this site, joined Jan 2015, quit for nearly 2 months then ...
I relapsed.
I'd be the first to agree that it's stress and depression, though I don't feel all that depressed. It may be boredom.
Looking back more into the past posts on this site, I find that there seems to be a pattern that lots of people are like me. Have an enormous wish to give up alcohol but are on this mouse-wheel. Most can go stone cold from the first day to before the month's out but falter.
The trick seems to be 'get up and get back on the bike'.
I'd like it to be easier but ...
Anyway get back on your bike and I'll see you on the road.
Any suggestions,
Regards, James
But I relapsed.
I found this site, joined Jan 2015, quit for nearly 2 months then ...
I relapsed.
I'd be the first to agree that it's stress and depression, though I don't feel all that depressed. It may be boredom.
Looking back more into the past posts on this site, I find that there seems to be a pattern that lots of people are like me. Have an enormous wish to give up alcohol but are on this mouse-wheel. Most can go stone cold from the first day to before the month's out but falter.
The trick seems to be 'get up and get back on the bike'.
I'd like it to be easier but ...
Anyway get back on your bike and I'll see you on the road.
Any suggestions,
Regards, James
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,051
I relate to what you're saying. Boredom definitely plays into my addictive tendencies. I've found that having hobbies and hanging around only with sober people greatly help in changing old habits. Also, I work a lot. I figure if I'm going to obsess over something I might as well be compensated for it.
Good luck.
Good luck.
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
James... You post hits on so many common experiences you will get a wonderfully wide range of confirmations.
Here's mine.... Yes... Get back up every time.
But you don't have to get off the bike. That's a journey. You can get off the wheel. That's just hell.
Sobriety "sticks" for me as I continue to learn how to live a sober life. Living and doing become the objective and not drinking. Simple but not easy. Depression and stress are factors.
I am a depressive person. Get help. Go see someone. Get meds. Eliminate all the variables you can.
You sound like you have a great honest attitude. That's a valuable key.
Keep going strong! You can stay sober.
Here's mine.... Yes... Get back up every time.
But you don't have to get off the bike. That's a journey. You can get off the wheel. That's just hell.
Sobriety "sticks" for me as I continue to learn how to live a sober life. Living and doing become the objective and not drinking. Simple but not easy. Depression and stress are factors.
I am a depressive person. Get help. Go see someone. Get meds. Eliminate all the variables you can.
You sound like you have a great honest attitude. That's a valuable key.
Keep going strong! You can stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
It took me a long time to become an alcoholic, even though I was one from my first drink, and it took me a long time to get sober.
It wasn't easy. If it were, there'd be no point for a forum like this.
I was addicted to alcohol. No one need to tell me I was an alcoholic, I knew it.
And, I would drink alcoholicly for twenty years.
I tried so many times to quit. But despite my best intensions along with solemn vows and pouring it out, I could not quit.
I'll wear the badge of being a 'real' alcoholic, if it matters. I haven't drank in over four years, but I still consider myself to be an alcoholic. And always will. A real alcoholic.
Real is just a label, it could mean anything.
I just focus on not drinking.
It wasn't easy. If it were, there'd be no point for a forum like this.
I was addicted to alcohol. No one need to tell me I was an alcoholic, I knew it.
And, I would drink alcoholicly for twenty years.
I tried so many times to quit. But despite my best intensions along with solemn vows and pouring it out, I could not quit.
I'll wear the badge of being a 'real' alcoholic, if it matters. I haven't drank in over four years, but I still consider myself to be an alcoholic. And always will. A real alcoholic.
Real is just a label, it could mean anything.
I just focus on not drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Changing ones life is a huge task. Many of us underestimate that task., I know I did.
I went back to drinking many times.
I had a persistent dream of finding a mythical point where I'd have my fill but not be incapacitated or suffer ill consequences.
The difference with the last time is I fully and utterly accepted I was an alcoholic and that drinking again would only make things worse....always and forever amen.
D
I went back to drinking many times.
I had a persistent dream of finding a mythical point where I'd have my fill but not be incapacitated or suffer ill consequences.
The difference with the last time is I fully and utterly accepted I was an alcoholic and that drinking again would only make things worse....always and forever amen.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
One of the major applications of SR for me is watching for patterns too. Patterns of what works and what doesn't. Certainly you keep getting back up....I don't know exactly why this last effort has stuck, but I'm going with it. I will say that my approach to sobriety and life in general is now more proactive rather than reactive. I've learned that from SR.
I have bad days like everyone else, but now when things come along that bring anxiety I'm better about actively steering my mind away from the stressor and not rolling it over and over in my mind until I find myself begging for 'relief' in the form of a drink. That approach has helped me and I'm slowly getting better at it.
Boredom can be a problem at times too. Being at a state of loose ends is a trigger for me...but I've observed that having even a simple plan for the day helps keep me focused. I've observed that approach from many here on SR..
Feeling melancholy is often the norm for me. I do what I can think of to help in that area. Working out is key for me, but i do plan to talk to a doctor about this if it persists.
I'm so glad you decided to get back on the bike James!
I have bad days like everyone else, but now when things come along that bring anxiety I'm better about actively steering my mind away from the stressor and not rolling it over and over in my mind until I find myself begging for 'relief' in the form of a drink. That approach has helped me and I'm slowly getting better at it.
Boredom can be a problem at times too. Being at a state of loose ends is a trigger for me...but I've observed that having even a simple plan for the day helps keep me focused. I've observed that approach from many here on SR..
Feeling melancholy is often the norm for me. I do what I can think of to help in that area. Working out is key for me, but i do plan to talk to a doctor about this if it persists.
I'm so glad you decided to get back on the bike James!
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
I would say simple boredom has a lot to do with my relapses. I just stop taking it so seriously once I feel safe in my sobriety. It never turns out well, of course. It's very frustrating trying to remember why I can't do that anymore!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Aberdeen SD
Posts: 180
I fear some people use the AA program as a way of controlling their excessive drinking bouts. They fall off, get back on, fall off, get back on, etc...etc. It becomes routine. I don't think you should have this attitude and go to AA. I personally turn them off when they speak at the meetings about their adventures of failing to permanently quit. Why should I listen to failure?
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Hi James, glad you're here
For me I had to reach the point beyond wishing and take real, truthful action. I swore off drinking many times over the years, but it was not until I reached the point of acceptance and willingness in my life that change and sobriety became possible.
Keep coming back!
For me I had to reach the point beyond wishing and take real, truthful action. I swore off drinking many times over the years, but it was not until I reached the point of acceptance and willingness in my life that change and sobriety became possible.
Keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Sussex NJ
Posts: 33
I'm 27 days sober today. My addict voice sometimes starts to act up and tell me that I'm not a "real" alcoholic". I also gave up alcohol quite easy once I realized that I had to. This past month has been quite easy for me. I go to AA everyday and hear the stories of people who got mutliple DUI's and have been in and out of Detox and Rehab for several years, people who drank in the morning because of their physical shakes, people who lost their homes and their families...My addict voice starts telling me...well you only drank at night after the kids went to bed...you never got a DUI...no shakes for you...you must not be a "real alcoholic" and you can control yourself. The problem with this thinking is that I know that I cannot have 1 drink. I know that I do not drink like normal people who can have a glass of wine and not want more. I am an alcoholic, regardless of how severe or not. Do I really need to continue drinking and let my life eventually spiral out of control to prove it to myself? No thank you. I'm exiting on this floor and am grateful that I didn't have to lose it all before I sought help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 290
I found early recovery very difficult. It just dominated so many of my thoughts. There just doesn't seem to be any magical short cut through this stage apart from using every type of support thats available. Then things started to calm down. Getting this sober time seems so important. So stay focused and stick to your guns.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
My understanding of the real alcoholic is described in detail in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, summed up by the statement "we have lost the power of choice in drink"
Today there are many who claim to be real alcoholics and also claim they have the power of choice in drink, so perhaps it might have bent better to describe the real alcoholic as the hopeless alcoholic.
In any case, it is not the stories that make us hopeless alcoholics. Duis, broken marriages and crime sprees are not the measure of the hopeless alcoholic. In many ways the individual stories are what separate us.
The important things are how we drank and how we felt. If it took one drink, I could not guarantee my behaviour. Though I wanted to, I was unable to not take that first drink. I was without defence against the first drink. I betrayed my values, I ended up frightened and alone, full of guilt and remorse, in a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I didn't relate well to people, had trouble holding down a job, and was hopeless with personal relationships. Nothing I tried to do ever seemed to work out, and even when I was given good advice, I seemed unable to follow it. Even when I was able to stop for a spell, life soon became unbearable.
Nothing dramatic about that story, just the key elements of alcoholism,as experienced by this hopeless alcoholic, the phenomenon of craving, the obsession of the mind, and the spritual malady.
Today there are many who claim to be real alcoholics and also claim they have the power of choice in drink, so perhaps it might have bent better to describe the real alcoholic as the hopeless alcoholic.
In any case, it is not the stories that make us hopeless alcoholics. Duis, broken marriages and crime sprees are not the measure of the hopeless alcoholic. In many ways the individual stories are what separate us.
The important things are how we drank and how we felt. If it took one drink, I could not guarantee my behaviour. Though I wanted to, I was unable to not take that first drink. I was without defence against the first drink. I betrayed my values, I ended up frightened and alone, full of guilt and remorse, in a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I didn't relate well to people, had trouble holding down a job, and was hopeless with personal relationships. Nothing I tried to do ever seemed to work out, and even when I was given good advice, I seemed unable to follow it. Even when I was able to stop for a spell, life soon became unbearable.
Nothing dramatic about that story, just the key elements of alcoholism,as experienced by this hopeless alcoholic, the phenomenon of craving, the obsession of the mind, and the spritual malady.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Down Under
Posts: 400
Hi All
There are so many things in your replies that touch home, non so much as FLYNBUY.
"Willingness and acceptance" ... Acceptance is easily said but not so easily achieved as AV keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Willingness is probably the great problem to me ... To get rid of a friend who was there in my darkest moment. The last few years though this 'friend', has taken control of my life and is slowly but surely weaving a life path of destruction.
I've tried AA, doctors, physiocologists, meditation, seditatives ... All offered temporary relieve.
SR ... Seems to be different. Ever time I visit here it adds to my resolve.
I'm back on the bike.
Have a good day everyone.
There are so many things in your replies that touch home, non so much as FLYNBUY.
"Willingness and acceptance" ... Acceptance is easily said but not so easily achieved as AV keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Willingness is probably the great problem to me ... To get rid of a friend who was there in my darkest moment. The last few years though this 'friend', has taken control of my life and is slowly but surely weaving a life path of destruction.
I've tried AA, doctors, physiocologists, meditation, seditatives ... All offered temporary relieve.
SR ... Seems to be different. Ever time I visit here it adds to my resolve.
I'm back on the bike.
Have a good day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
James,
I visited SR every day and I just past 20 months.
So yes, there is strength and resolve that can be tapped into here.
Definitely a BIG hammer in the tool box.
Keep that bike wheeling along.
Take care.
I visited SR every day and I just past 20 months.
So yes, there is strength and resolve that can be tapped into here.
Definitely a BIG hammer in the tool box.
Keep that bike wheeling along.
Take care.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,205
Hi James,
First off, your physician and psychologist are I'm sure intelligent and qualified people but they are probably not alcoholics themselves and so when they talk about being a "real" alcoholic they probably mean someone who ticks more of the boxes on their "diagnose an alcoholic" training sheet.
If I think back to the time before I was an alcoholic, and I am definitely a "real" one now, then I think I would have found it hard or more likely impossible to understand. My attitude would have been that unless you are drunk every waking hour then you are not an alcoholic.
But of course in real life it's not that straight forward
Your an alcoholic, alcohol dependant, whatever - it's not important what title you ascribe to yourself but your the total opposite of a hopeless alcoholic James. Your kind your insightful and you've helped me and others I suspect.
It's hard but I KNOW you will beat this
First off, your physician and psychologist are I'm sure intelligent and qualified people but they are probably not alcoholics themselves and so when they talk about being a "real" alcoholic they probably mean someone who ticks more of the boxes on their "diagnose an alcoholic" training sheet.
If I think back to the time before I was an alcoholic, and I am definitely a "real" one now, then I think I would have found it hard or more likely impossible to understand. My attitude would have been that unless you are drunk every waking hour then you are not an alcoholic.
But of course in real life it's not that straight forward
Your an alcoholic, alcohol dependant, whatever - it's not important what title you ascribe to yourself but your the total opposite of a hopeless alcoholic James. Your kind your insightful and you've helped me and others I suspect.
It's hard but I KNOW you will beat this
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