need to vent
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 18
need to vent
hey guys.. im coming up on 6 months clean next week.. this is the longest ive ever been clean but I feel myself getting side tracked. everything was going good for a while then my girlfriend relapsed & not only did she relapse but actually had a pretty big habit and was using for a while. she says shes been tapering herself off with methadone. I still hang out with her and I feel like **** about it because I dont feel right being around someone whos using anything but im having a hard time cutting her off.
then I asked someone to sponsor me last week & I havent called them since I asked them. I feel bad about not calling & now im scared to run into him. I didnt go to my homegroup because I knew id see him there. I just dont like feeling like I have to call someone everyday. I have a really hard time reaching out to people and letting people get to know me. I also sometimes feel like I dont need a sponser cause I made it 6 months without one..
on top of that I cant stand my job. all this is really stressing me out & its effecting my spirit big time.
then I asked someone to sponsor me last week & I havent called them since I asked them. I feel bad about not calling & now im scared to run into him. I didnt go to my homegroup because I knew id see him there. I just dont like feeling like I have to call someone everyday. I have a really hard time reaching out to people and letting people get to know me. I also sometimes feel like I dont need a sponser cause I made it 6 months without one..
on top of that I cant stand my job. all this is really stressing me out & its effecting my spirit big time.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
You're coming up on 6 months clean, yet you stay with a girlfriend who has relapsed big time. You don't feel right about it, but you're having a hard time cutting her off.
You asked someone to sponsor you, but you haven't called them, so you don 't go to your home group because you don't want to run into him.
You hate your job and it's stressing you out.
All of the above are excuses. You say you want to stay clean, yet you don't do the work. You hang with a using girlfriend, you don't call you sponsor and thus avoid meetings. The fact that you don't like your job is just a bonus. These are all bad situations for you to be in IF you truly want to stay clean.
Not sure what you are asking for here, but you have to decide whether or not sobriety/being clean is what you truly want. If it is, then you need to change the things that are getting you off track.
Your join date is December 2011. It is now March 2015. This is your second post in all that time. What is it you truly want?
You asked someone to sponsor you, but you haven't called them, so you don 't go to your home group because you don't want to run into him.
You hate your job and it's stressing you out.
All of the above are excuses. You say you want to stay clean, yet you don't do the work. You hang with a using girlfriend, you don't call you sponsor and thus avoid meetings. The fact that you don't like your job is just a bonus. These are all bad situations for you to be in IF you truly want to stay clean.
Not sure what you are asking for here, but you have to decide whether or not sobriety/being clean is what you truly want. If it is, then you need to change the things that are getting you off track.
Your join date is December 2011. It is now March 2015. This is your second post in all that time. What is it you truly want?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 18
well if I didnt truly want to be clean then I just wouldnt be clean, its as simple as that. I stuck a needle in my arm everyday for years so me coming up on 6 months is huge for someone like me.
you said everything I talked about was an "excuse"? an excuse for what exactly?
im just venting like I said.. also looking for some advice with the girlfriend thing and the sponsor thing..
has anyone been through this? howd you get though it? what am I supposed to do? what am I not supposed to do?
you said everything I talked about was an "excuse"? an excuse for what exactly?
im just venting like I said.. also looking for some advice with the girlfriend thing and the sponsor thing..
has anyone been through this? howd you get though it? what am I supposed to do? what am I not supposed to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 18
well all this is going on in a new city.. I moved out here from rehab to get clean and ive been clean since.. its the only time ive ever stayed clean so I plan on staying for a little while.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
I wasn't attacking you, regardless of what you think. I was giving you some feedback on what you posted, from someone who has been there.
No, it's not as simple as that. That would be lovely, if it were true. If it were true, then no outside situations would get you side tracked. If that were true, then there would be a whole lot less addicts in this world. Wanting to be clean and being willing to do the work are two different things.
The girlfriend has her own battle to fight. You have yours. If she truly wants to be clean, then she would be clean...right? Isn't that what you said about yourself? You can try to help, but if it affects your own sobriety, then you have a decision to make.
The sponsor thing is easy...just call him. Reconnect with him and resume your meetings. Work the steps. The AA program is the steps, not the meetings. The meetings are to keep you connected to others who have been through what you are experiencing.
I'm really not trying to sound harsh, but your own sobriety should be the most important thing in your life. You have a good start with six months, but you have to keep putting it first and foremost in your life. You can do it, and if you'll hang around here for support, I promise you it will help.
well if I didnt truly want to be clean then I just wouldnt be clean, its as simple as that.
The girlfriend has her own battle to fight. You have yours. If she truly wants to be clean, then she would be clean...right? Isn't that what you said about yourself? You can try to help, but if it affects your own sobriety, then you have a decision to make.
The sponsor thing is easy...just call him. Reconnect with him and resume your meetings. Work the steps. The AA program is the steps, not the meetings. The meetings are to keep you connected to others who have been through what you are experiencing.
I'm really not trying to sound harsh, but your own sobriety should be the most important thing in your life. You have a good start with six months, but you have to keep putting it first and foremost in your life. You can do it, and if you'll hang around here for support, I promise you it will help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Call the guy you wanted to be your sponsor again. Thats a good start.
I'm sure many guys have taken a while to make that call, man
A little sober time, and guidance, will really help you work out what to do about the other stuff
Learn to reach out - it's really in your best interests. It's for your benefit.... y'know?
D
I'm sure many guys have taken a while to make that call, man
A little sober time, and guidance, will really help you work out what to do about the other stuff
Learn to reach out - it's really in your best interests. It's for your benefit.... y'know?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 18
I know you werent attacking me I just felt you were implying I didnt really want to be clean because of my post.. which offended me because I did alot of work and made alot of huge changes in order to get sober and it hasnt been easy. I understand though & thank u for the feedback. really.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
SR is a great place for support. Maybe you could check in here daily or at least make it part of your recovery? There really is a great amount of support here. We all need support and if you get back with your sponsor and use SR, it will really go a long way in helping you keep sobriety a main focus in your life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
“I asked someone to sponsor me last week & I havent called them since I asked them. I feel bad about not calling & now im scared to run into him. I didnt go to my homegroup because I knew id see him there. I just dont like feeling like I have to call someone everyday. I have a really hard time reaching out to people and letting people get to know me. I also sometimes feel like I dont need a sponser cause I made it 6 months without one.”
Hi.
How well I know the feelings. Now the big BUT. I/we need to work on changing our reactions to things we don’t like. I was very undisciplined, like a young child and needed to work on many changes to stay sober. I was told to do things I didn’t at first want to because I’d feel better afterward and that was mostly true.
Try to think of a sponsor not as a boyfriend but as a guide for easy and difficult times. It sounded weird when I came around to think of men as someone I could LOVE, but as time goes by there is a special, non sexual, relationship that can develop.
Many alcoholics isolate which can be deadly for us so I had to share at meetings my feelings and fears.
Even after a lot of sober years I still have some that pop up occasionally.
Unfortunately I found there is no soft easy way for recovery. It takes work and change ant that takes a 4 letter word, TIME.
BE WELL
Hi.
How well I know the feelings. Now the big BUT. I/we need to work on changing our reactions to things we don’t like. I was very undisciplined, like a young child and needed to work on many changes to stay sober. I was told to do things I didn’t at first want to because I’d feel better afterward and that was mostly true.
Try to think of a sponsor not as a boyfriend but as a guide for easy and difficult times. It sounded weird when I came around to think of men as someone I could LOVE, but as time goes by there is a special, non sexual, relationship that can develop.
Many alcoholics isolate which can be deadly for us so I had to share at meetings my feelings and fears.
Even after a lot of sober years I still have some that pop up occasionally.
Unfortunately I found there is no soft easy way for recovery. It takes work and change ant that takes a 4 letter word, TIME.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
6 months is impressive.
It sounds like you've procrastinated for a week, just call the sponsor and talk with them. They will likely understand that you've been hesitant. If they don't, then at least you'll know and can go back to your meetings and get that behind you.
It sounds like you've procrastinated for a week, just call the sponsor and talk with them. They will likely understand that you've been hesitant. If they don't, then at least you'll know and can go back to your meetings and get that behind you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi, vent away. I vent all the time. It's pretty frustrating at first. Six months is great and you can build on that. What Suki said is great. I had all the stuff going on in my life at 10.5 months sober that you have going on now. Husband had relapsed, job was bad, hated calling my sponsor, stopped going to meetings. I told myself that I wanted to stay sober. I relapsed.
Call the guy you asked to sponsor you and talk. Maybe you don't have to call him every day. Maybe you do. But when you posted I thought of myself, setting up for a relapse. I had done inpatient treatment, did ninety in ninety but started slipping and got lazy and drank at the ten and a half months. I thought I was doing great but had niggling things always bugging me. Working with a sponsor can help work through that.
Call the guy you asked to sponsor you and talk. Maybe you don't have to call him every day. Maybe you do. But when you posted I thought of myself, setting up for a relapse. I had done inpatient treatment, did ninety in ninety but started slipping and got lazy and drank at the ten and a half months. I thought I was doing great but had niggling things always bugging me. Working with a sponsor can help work through that.
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