Need Help with the "Denial Demon" Warning: long
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 50
Need Help with the "Denial Demon" Warning: long
The intelligent, rational part of me is telling me that this is just my addicted mind talking.
I am hearing the old stuff, the old thought processes in my brain. They say things like:
"You only drink on weekends, what's wrong with that?" Reality: Drinking a bottle and a half of white wine both Friday and Saturday nights and finishing off whatever's left on Sunday qualifies as "Binge Drinking" - am I right? Would a moderate drinker plan to drink that much on weekends, making sure there is enough wine to get through? Making sure a stop to the liquor store is somewhere in the errand run, just to make sure I have enough? This smacks of addiction, doesn't it? Especially if it is the regular weekend routine?
"You work hard, you've had a bad day, I know it Thursday, but its OK" Realty: Weekend bingeing is expanding to include Thursday now.
"You've never had a DUI, never missed work because of a hangover, never did anything that hurt anyone else because of your drinking - so what's your problem?" I realized a long time ago that I can not drive with even 1 drink in my system so my husband drives instead - with 2 glasses of wine, a couple of beers in his system... he says its OK he's fine, there's been enough time - but has there really? Is this really any better? If we go out for dinner and he drinks 1/2 bottle of wine with dinner and has a beer is this not over the limit? Even without the beer. How much is too much for him? I don't know, but sometimes I don't think he's sober enough to drive and he drives anyways. I think we've just been lucky with the DUI thing. As for work, maybe I haven't called in sick, but OMG I might as well have not been there, the productivity really suffered. As for not hurting anyone, don't I qualify? And that is not altogether true. I think there has been a few alcohol fueled arguments with my husband that were mostly me. In fact, the last time I quit (before this time, Oh God that sounds so bad) was after an argument like that and I was so embarrassed.
I know I am answering my own questions but I have to go through this exercise because part of my brain is still in denial. It must be. Where are all those thoughts coming from?
What is an alcoholic anyways? Any thoughts would be appreciated as it will help me battle this denial demon down... Thanks, Rosalia
I am hearing the old stuff, the old thought processes in my brain. They say things like:
"You only drink on weekends, what's wrong with that?" Reality: Drinking a bottle and a half of white wine both Friday and Saturday nights and finishing off whatever's left on Sunday qualifies as "Binge Drinking" - am I right? Would a moderate drinker plan to drink that much on weekends, making sure there is enough wine to get through? Making sure a stop to the liquor store is somewhere in the errand run, just to make sure I have enough? This smacks of addiction, doesn't it? Especially if it is the regular weekend routine?
"You work hard, you've had a bad day, I know it Thursday, but its OK" Realty: Weekend bingeing is expanding to include Thursday now.
"You've never had a DUI, never missed work because of a hangover, never did anything that hurt anyone else because of your drinking - so what's your problem?" I realized a long time ago that I can not drive with even 1 drink in my system so my husband drives instead - with 2 glasses of wine, a couple of beers in his system... he says its OK he's fine, there's been enough time - but has there really? Is this really any better? If we go out for dinner and he drinks 1/2 bottle of wine with dinner and has a beer is this not over the limit? Even without the beer. How much is too much for him? I don't know, but sometimes I don't think he's sober enough to drive and he drives anyways. I think we've just been lucky with the DUI thing. As for work, maybe I haven't called in sick, but OMG I might as well have not been there, the productivity really suffered. As for not hurting anyone, don't I qualify? And that is not altogether true. I think there has been a few alcohol fueled arguments with my husband that were mostly me. In fact, the last time I quit (before this time, Oh God that sounds so bad) was after an argument like that and I was so embarrassed.
I know I am answering my own questions but I have to go through this exercise because part of my brain is still in denial. It must be. Where are all those thoughts coming from?
What is an alcoholic anyways? Any thoughts would be appreciated as it will help me battle this denial demon down... Thanks, Rosalia
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
Rosalia,
There is no one definition for being an alcoholic. It sounds like you are not comfortable with the amount of drinking you are doing. That's reason enough to leave it alone. Stick around these parts & post some more. :-)
There is no one definition for being an alcoholic. It sounds like you are not comfortable with the amount of drinking you are doing. That's reason enough to leave it alone. Stick around these parts & post some more. :-)
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
The word alcoholic is just a label, that's all.
Is alcohol causing problems in your life? If so, then stopping drinking is the answer. Denial is a huge part of alcoholism and acceptance is hard, but essential for recovery. Stay focused and keep posting.
Is alcohol causing problems in your life? If so, then stopping drinking is the answer. Denial is a huge part of alcoholism and acceptance is hard, but essential for recovery. Stay focused and keep posting.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I consider myself an alcholic because I could not control my drinking. I drank more than I planned to, more often than I planned to and it caused many problems in my life. I tried to moderate or cut back many, many times but inevitably I always ended up back in the daily drinking routine.
You will need to decide for yourself, but you list many, many red flags in your post. Try reading it as if someone else had wrote it and ask yourself what you would tell them.
You will need to decide for yourself, but you list many, many red flags in your post. Try reading it as if someone else had wrote it and ask yourself what you would tell them.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by rosalia 
What is an alcoholic anyways?
If you can find enough supporting evidence that you aren't alcoholic, which is easy to do if you are in denial about the extent of your problem, your thoughts will turn to drinking.
The actual answer can be complicated. But I doubt that many non-alcoholics have running discussions in their head about if they are alcoholics or not.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 50
As for my husband, I have tried to get him to quit with me many times. He is usually the reason I start again. This time I got the courage to attend my first AA meeting last week. I go again tomorrow night. I know I am alcoholic, its just a that a part of me doesn't want to believe it. I am so afraid of what it means... for so many reasons.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
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"You've never had a DUI, never missed work because of a hangover, never did anything that hurt anyone else because of your drinking - so what's your problem?"
add the word YET: Your, Eligible, Too.
"What is an alcoholic anyways?
A short ID for me is a person who cannot drink alcohol in safety.
BE WELL
add the word YET: Your, Eligible, Too.
"What is an alcoholic anyways?
A short ID for me is a person who cannot drink alcohol in safety.
BE WELL
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Anna
The word alcoholic is just a label, that's all.
Is alcohol causing problems in your life? If so, then stopping drinking is the answer. Denial is a huge part of alcoholism and acceptance is hard, but essential for recovery. Stay focused and keep posting.
Is alcohol causing problems in your life? If so, then stopping drinking is the answer. Denial is a huge part of alcoholism and acceptance is hard, but essential for recovery. Stay focused and keep posting.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by rosalia
I know I am alcoholic, its just a that a part of me doesn't want to believe it. I am so afraid of what it means... for so many reasons.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Excuse advice from someone newly sober but your post struck a chord.
I wouldn't get too hung up on the word 'alcoholic'. I know when I first started going to AA years ago now (I no longer go) I wondered if I was making too much of my 'problem' compared to some of the people at those meetings who reported drinking liters of spirits a day, crashing cars, wrecking marriages, losing jobs and the rest. In comparison my problem seems pretty minor and revolved mainly about how awful I felt most of the time drinking in the way I did.
That actually held me back for a long tome I think. I was, as they say 'terminally unique' and thought I had a ways to go (and never would) get into that kind of trouble. I didn't either but I did finally realise that what matters is the impact of one's drinking as we experience it internally.
It has made me miserable and half crazy at times and only I could decide to do something about that.
The same applies to you I would suggest. If you feel awful do something about it. Go with your intincts.
I wouldn't get too hung up on the word 'alcoholic'. I know when I first started going to AA years ago now (I no longer go) I wondered if I was making too much of my 'problem' compared to some of the people at those meetings who reported drinking liters of spirits a day, crashing cars, wrecking marriages, losing jobs and the rest. In comparison my problem seems pretty minor and revolved mainly about how awful I felt most of the time drinking in the way I did.
That actually held me back for a long tome I think. I was, as they say 'terminally unique' and thought I had a ways to go (and never would) get into that kind of trouble. I didn't either but I did finally realise that what matters is the impact of one's drinking as we experience it internally.
It has made me miserable and half crazy at times and only I could decide to do something about that.
The same applies to you I would suggest. If you feel awful do something about it. Go with your intincts.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 50
Everyone Thanks and Thanks Again
DoggoneEarl - you make a point about fear. I am starting to think about how much I hid behind my alcohol. I am afraid of failure and non-acceptance by.... whoever. These are ridiculous fears that have been internalized from youth. The other thing I am afraid of is probably really silly, but I am afraid that my husband will think I am boring - it makes me cringe to type that out so it must be a fear, even if it is not valid. Some part of me must believe it.
These are early days for me and lots of stuff that I buried is starting to come up. Maybe part of me doesn't want to face it. This fear seems so silly from a rational standpoint but it exists somewhere in me. It feels like I am going to be opening up Pandora's Box
DoggoneEarl - you make a point about fear. I am starting to think about how much I hid behind my alcohol. I am afraid of failure and non-acceptance by.... whoever. These are ridiculous fears that have been internalized from youth. The other thing I am afraid of is probably really silly, but I am afraid that my husband will think I am boring - it makes me cringe to type that out so it must be a fear, even if it is not valid. Some part of me must believe it.
These are early days for me and lots of stuff that I buried is starting to come up. Maybe part of me doesn't want to face it. This fear seems so silly from a rational standpoint but it exists somewhere in me. It feels like I am going to be opening up Pandora's Box
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Everything that tells you a drink is a good thing to do is a lie 
whatever the voice in your head says you don't need to follow through.
It is scary changing our lives - but I've never regretted it Rosoalia - and I have a life better than I could dream of now, rosalia - keep the faith and continue moving forward
D
whatever the voice in your head says you don't need to follow through.
It is scary changing our lives - but I've never regretted it Rosoalia - and I have a life better than I could dream of now, rosalia - keep the faith and continue moving forward
D
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