Advice needed please...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Advice needed please...
Hi everybody,
I need some advice/tips/tools. As you all know, early sobriety sucks! I am hanging in there so far but always have a fear of relapse. (I guess that's good...a "healthy" fear). I feel my disease hides and waits for me. It waits for a weak moment to jump and try to pierce it's claws into me.
Anyway, what are some of the tools you use or things you do at the moment that your AV tells you it's ok to drink? I have a REALLY good "forgetter"! I have lost count of how many times I was hungover and SWORE I would NEVER drink again (and really meant it) and then drank again 2 or 3 days later!
How do you NOT forget how bad it is out there? How do you keep the memory of how much pain alcohol causes in your life at the front of your mind? I go to AA & check in here but can't be on SR or live in AA 24/7 unfortunately.
Just wanted some tips. I have something pretty stressful coming up at 4:30 today and I am trying to prepare myself! Putting my ARMOR on!
Thx so much!!!
I need some advice/tips/tools. As you all know, early sobriety sucks! I am hanging in there so far but always have a fear of relapse. (I guess that's good...a "healthy" fear). I feel my disease hides and waits for me. It waits for a weak moment to jump and try to pierce it's claws into me.
Anyway, what are some of the tools you use or things you do at the moment that your AV tells you it's ok to drink? I have a REALLY good "forgetter"! I have lost count of how many times I was hungover and SWORE I would NEVER drink again (and really meant it) and then drank again 2 or 3 days later!
How do you NOT forget how bad it is out there? How do you keep the memory of how much pain alcohol causes in your life at the front of your mind? I go to AA & check in here but can't be on SR or live in AA 24/7 unfortunately.
Just wanted some tips. I have something pretty stressful coming up at 4:30 today and I am trying to prepare myself! Putting my ARMOR on!
Thx so much!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
For me the banners at meetings helped a lot, not just reading them, acting on them.
Joining and becoming in a group or 2 sure helps also.
Many years later I remember the feeling of being sick and tires of being sick and tired compared to todays feelings of being comfortable in my own skin most of the time.
I needed and recommend newcomers to get involved in recovery by way of the steps which has helped millions over the years.
Above all ”KEEP COMING.”
BE WELL
For me the banners at meetings helped a lot, not just reading them, acting on them.
Joining and becoming in a group or 2 sure helps also.
Many years later I remember the feeling of being sick and tires of being sick and tired compared to todays feelings of being comfortable in my own skin most of the time.
I needed and recommend newcomers to get involved in recovery by way of the steps which has helped millions over the years.
Above all ”KEEP COMING.”
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Thanks IOAA. What do you say to yourself when your AV tells you it's ok to drink? How do you make yourself remember how bad you felt and how bad it was out there? Anything specific in a weak moment?
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
Serenidad,
My AV still messes with me from time to time. Whenever it tells me I should have a drink, I literally tell it to STFU. I also think about the fact that 20lbs dropped off of me with very little effort when I stopped drinking, I still have some more weight to lose but I don't want to be at square one. So that is another motivator for me. I let my vanity shut my AV down...LOL!
My AV still messes with me from time to time. Whenever it tells me I should have a drink, I literally tell it to STFU. I also think about the fact that 20lbs dropped off of me with very little effort when I stopped drinking, I still have some more weight to lose but I don't want to be at square one. So that is another motivator for me. I let my vanity shut my AV down...LOL!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by JT0626 
Serenidad, My AV still messes with me from time to time. Whenever it tells me I should have a drink, I literally tell it to STFU. I also think about the fact that 20lbs dropped off of me with very little effort when I stopped drinking, I still have some more weight to lose but I don't want to be at square one. So that is another motivator for me. I let my vanity shut my AV down...LOL!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Serenidad, early on I went through the two to three days, "I'm feeling great, the pain wasn't so bad, I think I'll drink just to prove I can" phase. It's tricky. What started working was to make connections with people at AA and here on SR and started feeling accountable. I woke up telling myself that today, I won't drink. I repeated that throughout the day. I distracted myself.
And, even if I couldn't always call people or post here, I COULD hold my phone in my hand as a reminder that support was only a call or a click away. I had an electronic lifeline in my hand.
So, keep it in your hand as a reminder. Some other device may work for you but I felt like I had figurative little angel friends on my shoulder instead of little devils telling me to drink. You can do it. Even if you tie a string around your finger.
And, even if I couldn't always call people or post here, I COULD hold my phone in my hand as a reminder that support was only a call or a click away. I had an electronic lifeline in my hand.
So, keep it in your hand as a reminder. Some other device may work for you but I felt like I had figurative little angel friends on my shoulder instead of little devils telling me to drink. You can do it. Even if you tie a string around your finger.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
Serenidad - it's normal to start forgetting all the bad things about drinking. I think that's normal and healthy. One thing I find is helpful when I have cravings to help me remember is to "play the tape forward".
When we have cravings what we generally focus on is the first couple of drinks and the first hour or two when we feel good. To play the tape forward, skip over that part and really focus on the parts where it starts to go off the rails for you. Think about it slowly and carefully, create a mental image and let yourself feel what it's going to be like.
I don't know what that is for you, but for me it's where the good buzz starts to fade and I start to sneak into the kitchen or bathroom pretending to do something else while I try to quietly open the bottle and drink more vodka. It's that part of trying to pretend like I'm sober so my partner doesn't know what's going on. It's when that first twinge of feeling a bit sick starts to come on, or when the room starts to spin a bit. It's laying in bed and waking up to a huge wave of nausea that sends me sprinting to the bathroom. It's lying in the shower with the head spins, being so sleepy and nodding off which sends me into another session of heaving down the drain. It's the sweaty, restless sleep watching the clock tick, wanting to cry because I know I'm going to feel like hell at work. It's slowly lurching toward the shower in the morning with a churning stomach, and then the slow walk to work. It's the crushing fatigue at work, the pounding headache, the unsettled stomach. It's leaving work and stopping by the liquor store to buy another bottle of vodka to start it all over again.
That made me feel queasy just writing that out, but that's the reality of alcohol for me. And that's the part that I am learning to just slowly sit and play through my mind when I get cravings. It doesn't always make the craving go away, but it helps me make the right choice which is that I'm not going to drink.
Hope that helps.
When we have cravings what we generally focus on is the first couple of drinks and the first hour or two when we feel good. To play the tape forward, skip over that part and really focus on the parts where it starts to go off the rails for you. Think about it slowly and carefully, create a mental image and let yourself feel what it's going to be like.
I don't know what that is for you, but for me it's where the good buzz starts to fade and I start to sneak into the kitchen or bathroom pretending to do something else while I try to quietly open the bottle and drink more vodka. It's that part of trying to pretend like I'm sober so my partner doesn't know what's going on. It's when that first twinge of feeling a bit sick starts to come on, or when the room starts to spin a bit. It's laying in bed and waking up to a huge wave of nausea that sends me sprinting to the bathroom. It's lying in the shower with the head spins, being so sleepy and nodding off which sends me into another session of heaving down the drain. It's the sweaty, restless sleep watching the clock tick, wanting to cry because I know I'm going to feel like hell at work. It's slowly lurching toward the shower in the morning with a churning stomach, and then the slow walk to work. It's the crushing fatigue at work, the pounding headache, the unsettled stomach. It's leaving work and stopping by the liquor store to buy another bottle of vodka to start it all over again.
That made me feel queasy just writing that out, but that's the reality of alcohol for me. And that's the part that I am learning to just slowly sit and play through my mind when I get cravings. It doesn't always make the craving go away, but it helps me make the right choice which is that I'm not going to drink.
Hope that helps.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
In my mind, I decided that alcohol was no longer an option, ever. I pictured a door closing firmly and staying shut. I pictured myself on the other side of the door looking around for other ways to deal with life's ups and downs. My thinking shifted, it had to. For specific things to do when your voice is speaking, it depends what works for you. For me, it was easy, simple things. Walking, picking up a good book, music - those were the things that got me through.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
When I go to AA, and this is my own recovery,
very similar to many who are also in AA and
living a recovery life thru the 12 steps provided
to us to follow each and everyday I remain
sober.
I sometimes walk to the front when I get
there early and ask to read How It Works.
Or read whatever they hand out that needs
reading. There is something inside me that
happens when I proceed to read How It works.
When I take some little part in a meeting I
feel a part of or I belong to something awesome.
The fellowship of AA. If im not reading aloud
and have my Big Book with me or my 12 and12
book, or even the small 24 hour book, I read quietly
along with the reader.
I follow along each and everytime I attend a
meeting. Then I open my ears and listen intentively
to folks that share. Especially those with long
term sobriety because I want what they have.
Much of what they share is soooo similar to my
own life before, during and after alcohol. Before,
during and after my drinking career. Then I
listen and I watch folks. Im a people person
watcher, not necessarily to take someones
inventory, but to see how recovery looks
on them.
Those that go back out and return, I listen
intentively to why they went out. I listen
to their reason. Many of those reason can
be avoided before picking up a drink and
repeating old behaviors.
I don't want to be one that goes out by all
means. Going back out to drink doesn't make
life better. It doesn't solve problems. I listen
to those that go out and I listen to those inbetween
and those with yrs sobriety because there is
always something to learn in there.
I have all those plaques hanging in my own
home on the wall behing my tv to see and
as a reminder why I use them in my everyday
life for the past 24 yrs. I use anything and everything
I can put my hands on and see on a daily bases
as reminders of my own recovery and sobriety.
I wear a pretty AA pendant around my neck
for me as a reminder of the AA way of life I
chose to live by all these yrs and has kept me
sober, healthy and happy.
Recovery is also a spiritual journey and
firmly believe in my Higher Power for guidance,
unconditional love, care and Faith. He is my
guiding force that keeps me grounded.
The steps in the AA program is a guideline
for me to live by. When I work the first 3
each morning, remembering to repeat them
in my mind, heart and soul, it becomes part
of my recovery armour I wear each day.
Those 12 steps are written one by one in
order to work and follow in ur life. Going to
those 12 and 12 step study meetings help
all those who want to learn how to work them
and clear the clutter from their lives, help
weed out those issues from the past, deal
with them and move forward to becoming
healthy, happy and honest in all their affairs
for yrs to come.
I went to many of those meetings. I learned,
I absorbed, I opened my ears to suggestions
and I followed them as my life depended on
them so that I wouldn't drink again or kill myself.
Acton is extremely important in recovery. It's
not just not drinking. There are many reasons
why we want to drink or drives us to drink.
Once we recognize the culprit or cause then
we can put the plug in the jug and not pick
up a drink or drug for many one days at a
time for yrs to come.
I had to stop whining, buck up and get to
work in learning how to remain sober.
You can too.
very similar to many who are also in AA and
living a recovery life thru the 12 steps provided
to us to follow each and everyday I remain
sober.
I sometimes walk to the front when I get
there early and ask to read How It Works.
Or read whatever they hand out that needs
reading. There is something inside me that
happens when I proceed to read How It works.
When I take some little part in a meeting I
feel a part of or I belong to something awesome.
The fellowship of AA. If im not reading aloud
and have my Big Book with me or my 12 and12
book, or even the small 24 hour book, I read quietly
along with the reader.
I follow along each and everytime I attend a
meeting. Then I open my ears and listen intentively
to folks that share. Especially those with long
term sobriety because I want what they have.
Much of what they share is soooo similar to my
own life before, during and after alcohol. Before,
during and after my drinking career. Then I
listen and I watch folks. Im a people person
watcher, not necessarily to take someones
inventory, but to see how recovery looks
on them.
Those that go back out and return, I listen
intentively to why they went out. I listen
to their reason. Many of those reason can
be avoided before picking up a drink and
repeating old behaviors.
I don't want to be one that goes out by all
means. Going back out to drink doesn't make
life better. It doesn't solve problems. I listen
to those that go out and I listen to those inbetween
and those with yrs sobriety because there is
always something to learn in there.
I have all those plaques hanging in my own
home on the wall behing my tv to see and
as a reminder why I use them in my everyday
life for the past 24 yrs. I use anything and everything
I can put my hands on and see on a daily bases
as reminders of my own recovery and sobriety.
I wear a pretty AA pendant around my neck
for me as a reminder of the AA way of life I
chose to live by all these yrs and has kept me
sober, healthy and happy.
Recovery is also a spiritual journey and
firmly believe in my Higher Power for guidance,
unconditional love, care and Faith. He is my
guiding force that keeps me grounded.
The steps in the AA program is a guideline
for me to live by. When I work the first 3
each morning, remembering to repeat them
in my mind, heart and soul, it becomes part
of my recovery armour I wear each day.
Those 12 steps are written one by one in
order to work and follow in ur life. Going to
those 12 and 12 step study meetings help
all those who want to learn how to work them
and clear the clutter from their lives, help
weed out those issues from the past, deal
with them and move forward to becoming
healthy, happy and honest in all their affairs
for yrs to come.
I went to many of those meetings. I learned,
I absorbed, I opened my ears to suggestions
and I followed them as my life depended on
them so that I wouldn't drink again or kill myself.
Acton is extremely important in recovery. It's
not just not drinking. There are many reasons
why we want to drink or drives us to drink.
Once we recognize the culprit or cause then
we can put the plug in the jug and not pick
up a drink or drug for many one days at a
time for yrs to come.
I had to stop whining, buck up and get to
work in learning how to remain sober.
You can too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I'm not sure a few had hangovers have ever caused anyone to stop drinking entirely because when the hangovers gone, everything is good right? I believe that there are a few more layers to the issue, and those need to be exposed and confronted to eliminate alcohol from one's life.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Serenidad
How do you keep the memory of how much pain alcohol causes in your life at the front of your mind?
I also wrote my goal, Never drinking again, on a 3 X 5 card and referred to it many times a day so I couldn't conveniently tell myself it's okay to drink. It might be okay, but I don't drink. Believe me, there were a couple times I looked at the card and thought, "I wrote this? Why?" But I remembered my promise, and believed the rewards of being sober.
I don't know if avoidance-like therapy will work for you. Maybe remember the horrors of drinking works for you. But you've been here a while, through some pretty miserable drinking spells, and it seems you have a pretty clear recognition of all the bad. And it's not keeping you from returning to drinking. Whether that's because of your approach, I don't know.
Sorry I couldn't hand you the key to sobriety, but it's out there, in some form or another.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Originally Posted by Serenidad
Hi everybody,
I need some advice/tips/tools. As you all know, early sobriety sucks! I am hanging in there so far but always have a fear of relapse. (I guess that's good...a "healthy" fear). I feel my disease hides and waits for me. It waits for a weak moment to jump and try to pierce it's claws into me.
I need some advice/tips/tools. As you all know, early sobriety sucks! I am hanging in there so far but always have a fear of relapse. (I guess that's good...a "healthy" fear). I feel my disease hides and waits for me. It waits for a weak moment to jump and try to pierce it's claws into me.
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