doggonecarl

Like you, I quit when my drinking poisoned me or I did something horrendous, but it never stuck. When I quit the last time and joined SR I learned the difference between quitting and recovery. Quitting uses non effective tools, like trying to remember the bad times, to avoid alcohol. Recovery (or at least my recovery) tools, such as remembering the blessings of sobriety, worked better for me. I didn't want to avoid alcohol as much as I wanted to embrace sobriety.

I also wrote my goal, Never drinking again, on a 3 X 5 card and referred to it many times a day so I couldn't conveniently tell myself it's okay to drink. It might be okay, but I don't drink. Believe me, there were a couple times I looked at the card and thought, "I wrote this? Why?" But I remembered my promise, and believed the rewards of being sober.

I don't know if avoidance-like therapy will work for you. Maybe remember the horrors of drinking works for you. But you've been here a while, through some pretty miserable drinking spells, and it seems you have a pretty clear recognition of all the bad. And it's not keeping you from returning to drinking. Whether that's because of your approach, I don't know.

Sorry I couldn't hand you the key to sobriety, but it's out there, in some form or another.