eleanor123

hi there...just came across this forum.

a few days ago my love of 2 years made the dicision to get help to control his drinking. he has had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for several years, and is now wanting to see a therapist and deal with the other social and psychological issues that he currently uses alcohol to hide from.

his drinking has not reached the point where it effects his work, or his financial stability, or the majority of his relationships. but he does drink almost every night, and many nights to access. it does affect his perception and behavior, and he could not easily abstain. in fact i am not certain he could abstain at all without help.

so, he is looking for a therapist, and journaling a lot, and trying to slowly cut back. at this point, he does not want to stop drinking altogether, but rather to develop a healthy relationship with alcohol. i honestly don't know if this is possible, and i don't know if i should encourage him or not. i don't feel like he is beyond being able to handle alcohol responsibly, but i also don't know if i am fooling myself. he has said he is aware that if he can't cut back, he may have to quit altogether, but i know he is not ready to make that step.

i really have no idea how to best support him. i am so proud of him for even recognizing that he has a problem, and for seeking help. i want to help him in every way i can, but i don't know how to begin. at this point i have told him that i love him unconditionally, and that i will be beside him always, which is how i feel. and i am asking my therapist if she can recommend anyone for couseling for him.

i am kind of babbling here, and i am not sure where i am going with this message. i guess i am realizing that i am not very well schooled at all in how to deal with a loved one with a drinking problem. i am hoping this forum will help.

Magichappens

Hi Eleanor,
Welcome to SR. It is hard to deal with alcoholism, but we don't have to do it alone. There is a lot of experience, strength and hope here. Feel free to browse, post, or reply. We are all learning to deal with the effects of alcoholism on ourself, and even get serenity and healing. Glad you found us. Hugs, Magic

sweeks

Hi elanore! Welcome! I think you'll find all the love and support you could possibly want on this forum. Here's a link to a topic about moderation that I found on the Alcoholism forum: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=34150

There are some great links near the middle.

eleanor123

thank you! that was an incredibly helpful thread. thank you!

Marcinor

Hi Eleanor!

Addictions are really difficult to live with. I don't know if you've been to an al-anon meeting yet? I've only been in the program a short time and I don't live with my addict anymore so at first I wondered if I should even be there, not to mention that I really didn't want to be there in the first place. I just wanted everything to be ok in my world of denial.

What I found in al-anon at first were these great little sayings, you'll hear them a lot around here. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you can't control it, "Live and let live" .. and there are tons more that I can't think of right now but you'll see them in the postings and each day it makes they make a little bit more sense. Al-anon helps keep me in the real world, living in today and being the best person I can be. It helps me keep in perspective that my addicts issues are his issues and not mine - mine are certainly big enough to keep me busy for a lifetime!

I can love him, but I can't cure him.

I wish you the best and hope you find all that you are looking for!

Marci

redrose0729

Hi Elenor
Welcome to SR. You will find alot of great understanding and caring people here. It is very good that your husband has realized that he has a problem and is reaching out for help. The one thing you have to know is that it is up to him to help himself . I know that is hard but it is true , if we could heal our loved ones then there would be no such thing as an alcoholic or a drug addict. I think it is good that your husband is not afraid to go and get help reaching out for help is I think the biggest step a person can do. The only thing you can do is not to loose focus on you . Because we are affected by their problems whether we like it or not. My bf is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He admits and knows he has problems but he is to afraid to reach out for help. He turned to the alcohol to get off the drugs and poof now he has 2 addictions and not just one. The one thing I have had to realize is that I cannot not keep bailing him out when he messes up. He has sold things that did not belong to him in order to get drugs and then I have bought them back to cover his butt . I have had to deposit money in his checking account to cover checks written when he has went on a spree. Now I have tore up all his checks and I told him I will not buy back anything he sells if he sells it it is gone and he will have to deal with that and the consequences that come along with it. I am glad your husband has realized he needed help before it really started affecting your lives like it has so many people. Good luck to both of you and keep posting and let us know how it is going . I am rooting for both of you.

eleanor123

thank you very much. we talked about it more last night, and he is going to start looking for a therapist. he told me again last night how serious he is about getting help, which is encouraging.

eleanor123

thank you for these thoughts marci! i met with my therapist last night, and she said much the same thing. we talked about how i could support him without enabling him and without losing myself. we also talked about how i would handle it if he goes back to drinking so much. it was a good session, and the first step of what i expect to be a very long, perhaps lifelong, process. thanks for you support!