moonkat

You know, I came to these boards because I needed a good kick in the behind. I have been dealing with all these issues for so many years. Do any of you find yourself falling into the pattern of everything is going good and your feeling better, just to find it was like the eye of the storm?

Why is it so hard for my A to figure out what would make me feel better, I only tell him over and over what I need that would ease tension. Sometimes I wonder if it's the alcoholic or just the fact that he is a man (sorry guys). I am trapped 24/7 with two small children, one of whom is going through terrible twos and listens as well as the wall. I think I need to re read the "expectations" post again. That is what I am dealing with.

So, here I am I need to vent....I cook, I clean, do his laundry, take care of our kids and lose hours of sleep to meet his physical needs, yet he can't put me in the top ten of his priorities???? I mean if I could actually have an hour of alone time, take a bath, you know what I mean. And to make matters even worse, EVERY time his grandparents call, he runs. They seem to always have emergencies. They can't seem to understand that he has a family and obligations here to take care of. The time their glove box wouldn't close is the classic. Wouldn't want to let that go for too long.....

I am trying so hard not to be passive/agressive which is a personality flaw I have, seems like I feel better when I can get in those little stabs. But I know that it's a form of enabling by doing that. I don't know, I guess I have just been lurking too long and not working my steps. Some days I just want to scream IT ISN'T FAIR, WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE WITH HIM!!!! No comment on that please, I know the drill.....I don't, I could choose to leave if I wanted. I swear, some days the anger clouds over the love I have for this man. Some days I think I have no feelings at all except anger.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. It's been about a month, so I was about due.

best

Sorry no butt kick from me. I think you have had enough of them.

Is it the alcohol or because he is a man or both? hmmmm?
The alcohol for sure. the man? Well as a dry drunk I say it was still the man but caused by issues not taken care of yet.
I don't do 50/50 but I do put out the efforts needed "as I see a need."
When my sons were in the 2s...it was pointed out (told to my face *LOL*)
"I need a break" can you watch them for a bit? A tired, asking voice and with that I was able to see what is needed.
Is it that just being a man, we don't look ahead and see the need before it is needed? I don't really know. Can't separate the actions or lack of but to say...alcohol didn't help matters.
Being asked so I would see the need...Communication so I would understand the need ... helped me improve a little in such areas.
With alcohol inside, there was no changes or minimal changes at best.
With alcohol removed, comunication started to open my eyes.

" I wish he would just see my needs before I need to ask him for help" seems to be a cry of so many women. Well being a guy and seeing how I work in my own head *LOL* Some times we just don't see things as a woman would and need to be told (asked).

As far as the eye of the storm or as some put it...feeling like we are on top of the mountain... Those are the times to rest and fully enjoy life, because a new storm or a new mountain may come along another day.

cwohio

(((((moonkat))))) - sorry you don't seem to have any "me" time. i cannot imagine dealing with little ones and an a. like best says, alcohol or not, i just think the minds don't see things the same (the way we're brought up, society, etc.) you may need to take his suggestion and tell him outright that you need some "me" time (if even for a long soak in the tub).

cwohio

redrose0729

I get my alone time after the kids are in bed I tell my bf I am going into my room for a little while and I do not want to be disturbed. I have an idea about the grandparent thing if you have caller id and he runs and you don't feel like handling their emergancies don't pick up the phone. When he comes back tell him they called and let him deal with it. Say " I was busy and couldn't come to the phone but I did tell him you called " . Just an idea . LOL .