Mentium

I started counselling sessions two weeks ago. A good friend of mine in AA said that in her opinion I would not stop my cycle of relapse and sobriety, which has gone on for decades literally, until I explored the reasons behind my addiction, particularly my depression/anxiety issues. It has taken me a while but I'm now 24 hours into sobriety and plan on long term permanent abstention.

This is despite a conversation at my last counselling session. Bear with me a second..

At the session she asked me if I really wanted to stop drinking and what my ideal scenario would be. I gave it some serious thought and said that if I could drink three or four nights a week (and thus feel fine physically and mentally not drinking the other nights) I would go for that. She responded that I might wish to think about that as a goal if I wanted to. I was quite pleased at the time as I have always taken the view that as a habitual drinker and alcoholic (however relatively high functioning) it was all or nothing for me and the likes of me. And when I have stopped in the past it has always been with the intention to 'quit for good'. I have never except on rare occasions just managed to have a 'few days off' to dry out.

I left the session wondering if it just might be a realistic goal to aim for. I must admit I also wondered how much real experience the counsellor (a relatively young person) had of addiction and alcoholism.

I pondered the idea for a few days anyway and wondered if I abstained for a couple of months and then tried drinking every other day...

..you know the rest. It is a fantasy. And really why would I want to? Alcohol has almost ruined my life. It's hold is such that all of the above was just a game in my head to try to justify continuing to drink.

My next session with the counsellor is on Tuesday. I will tell her that the only goal for me is to abstain long term and take it from there. I will also do a bit of probing about her outlook on this issue. Seems a bit odd to me.

biminiblue

She probed you into making the decision for yourself. That is outstanding.

All the best therapists really just help us ask ourselves the right questions. I'd say she's a keeper.

Anna

You're making the right decision.

SoberLeigh

^^^^ And the BEST decision.

Rooting for you, Mentium.

We've missed you in these parts.

EndGameNYC

I don't know anything at all about your counselor's background or training, nor have you indicated that she's primarily an addiction counselor or someone who's trained to help you work through your other issues, but it seems that she was joining you where you're at with your drinking (unless I'm completely wrong).

Telling you that your plan is unrealistic and that you'd have to abstain for life would only have strengthened your resistance (which your history suggests is formidable) to get the help you need, and wouldn't have changed a thing in terms of your drinking in the future. If she knows your history, then she also knows (or should know) that there is nothing she can say that will provide you with the commitment you need to get sober.

Kaneda8888

Well one Mentium. My psych told me the same thing when I was still trying to quit. It took a few months of therapy before I was able to stay completely abstinent but it worked.

Soberwolf

Good job Mentium

Lance40

With my own experiences with counselling I don't find this odd. If she's a good counsellor and you probe her about her thoughts on this, then I would hope her response would be to start a conversation about why what she thinks is important to you. A good counsellor is just a facilitator to guide you on a journey of self-discovery, not tell you what to do. If you honestly think that your ideal situation would be to drink in moderation 3 or 4 nights a week, then that's where you are and the conversation can then go into what that would look like and if that's realistic for you. If you are an alcoholic, then I bet that conversation is going to bring a lot of stuff to light. Sometimes you have to go around the world a few times to get to the root of what's really going on. Good on you for going to counselling! It's hard work but if you give yourself it really can do some good things for you.

Mentium

Thanks for the responses. Moderation is not a serious proposition for me. I have drunk too much all my adult life and I think I would soon (very soon) go back to getting drunk every night. However as has been said in this thread, the fact that the counsellor has got me thinking about this is helpful.

MIRecovery

If a counselor had asked me this my response would have been, " I want to be an alcoholic without the consequences." I chased that goal for 20 years and never found it. Finally I gave up the chase and admitted I was was beat.

MIRecovery

If a counselor had asked me this my response would have been, " I want to be an alcoholic without the consequences." I chased that goal for 20 years and never found it. Finally I gave up the chase and admitted I was was beat.

Dee74

Sounds to me, based on the evidence, that the counsellor could be a good one - they did the right thing - they let you follow your idea through, without suggesting anything.

Now you can see rationally that moderation simply won't work for you, the next stage is *really* accepting that - no matter what...and then...there's a whole vista of opportunities open to you Mentium - best wishes