Just feeling blah.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Just feeling blah.
Hi everyone 
Just thought I'd check in.
Been trying to stay off of the computer lately and get things done.
Been trying not to think so much about my situation.
Seems like all I do is think and think and think, then think some more.
It gets overwhelming. I tend to do that though, hyperfocus on things.
So, I've been trying to take a break and do other things and keep my mind busy.
Just feeling blah, depressed I guess.
AH hasn't been coming home a lot this past week, guess he's staying at his new girlfriends? Or his son's house in the city. I don't know.
I'm beyond lonely and bored. Just very blah, sad today.
I was thinking today that although we technically still live together, I am mourning the break up of my marriage and future divorce now. I was thinking when I finally am on my own, I'll have most of that past me and maybe it will be easier to move on. Or so I think.
He was here this evening to take a shower and change into clean clothes before telling me he was going out to see a band and wouldn't be back here until tomorrow late afternoon/evening.
Makes me feel badly to be "left behind" all alone. Again. My daughter is gone again for the weekend. I barely have any human interaction at all, when I do it's with AH, and very minimal.
He left without making sure I had any food, which I don't really. Hopefully my daughter can bring me some peanut butter and a loaf of bread in the morning.
Just makes me feel like I'm not even worth enough/don't matter enough as a human being to even make sure I have the necessities for living.
And I know nothing changes until something changes, just feeling down and wanting to vent.
Hope everyone has a great weekend I'm going to ask my daughter if she can get me some cheap knitting needles and yarn and learn how to knit! Something I always wanted to learn.
Just thought I'd check in.
Been trying to stay off of the computer lately and get things done.
Been trying not to think so much about my situation.
Seems like all I do is think and think and think, then think some more.
It gets overwhelming. I tend to do that though, hyperfocus on things.
So, I've been trying to take a break and do other things and keep my mind busy.
Just feeling blah, depressed I guess.
AH hasn't been coming home a lot this past week, guess he's staying at his new girlfriends? Or his son's house in the city. I don't know.
I'm beyond lonely and bored. Just very blah, sad today.
I was thinking today that although we technically still live together, I am mourning the break up of my marriage and future divorce now. I was thinking when I finally am on my own, I'll have most of that past me and maybe it will be easier to move on. Or so I think.
He was here this evening to take a shower and change into clean clothes before telling me he was going out to see a band and wouldn't be back here until tomorrow late afternoon/evening.
Makes me feel badly to be "left behind" all alone. Again. My daughter is gone again for the weekend. I barely have any human interaction at all, when I do it's with AH, and very minimal.
He left without making sure I had any food, which I don't really. Hopefully my daughter can bring me some peanut butter and a loaf of bread in the morning.
Just makes me feel like I'm not even worth enough/don't matter enough as a human being to even make sure I have the necessities for living.
And I know nothing changes until something changes, just feeling down and wanting to vent.
Hope everyone has a great weekend
I'm going to ask my daughter if she can get me some cheap knitting needles and yarn and learn how to knit! Something I always wanted to learn.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
pink....Oh. Gee...I think anyone in your circumstances would be feeling pretty down in the dumps. With the isolation and the mistreatment. And, yes...I think it goes without saying that you are mourning the loss of a relationship that you have invested a l ot of yourself into. You h ave experienced sooo much loss lately.
I see you fighting so hard not to let it "destroy" you, though. I think your efforts to stay structure and busy to keep from obsessing is a good idea. You are so right, also--that when you get out on your own and are not isolated...the world will look different to you and you will feel like an almost different person, compared to now!
Just keep dreaming girl...picturing where you want to be and what you want your future to be. Your dreams will carry you...
Just because he is not treating you with respect does not for one second diminish your value. Your value is inherent. It was given to you by God..you are one of god's creatures. No mortal man can determine another's value.
Who are you going to believe...him or God.....seriously!!
I think the knitting is a good idea! I wish she could get you some coloring books, also. Use every trick in the book to make yourself feel better.
pink, I know you feel "lousy"...but, I am encouraged to see that your state of mind seems improved. At least, it sure seem that way to me.
I feel so proud of you...
dandylion
I see you fighting so hard not to let it "destroy" you, though. I think your efforts to stay structure and busy to keep from obsessing is a good idea. You are so right, also--that when you get out on your own and are not isolated...the world will look different to you and you will feel like an almost different person, compared to now!
Just keep dreaming girl...picturing where you want to be and what you want your future to be. Your dreams will carry you...
Just because he is not treating you with respect does not for one second diminish your value. Your value is inherent. It was given to you by God..you are one of god's creatures. No mortal man can determine another's value.
Who are you going to believe...him or God.....seriously!!
I think the knitting is a good idea! I wish she could get you some coloring books, also. Use every trick in the book to make yourself feel better.
pink, I know you feel "lousy"...but, I am encouraged to see that your state of mind seems improved. At least, it sure seem that way to me.
I feel so proud of you...
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
I hear you. Life situations can feel just plain crappy at times. Hopefully, once you decide what actions are best for you to take , they will start to change the energy both around you and within. It's really all just waiting for you when you're ready. In the meantime, knitting sounds like a great idea ! Do you have a pet ? I have two cats and they bring me so much love and companionship - I live alone. I hope you feel better tomorrow.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 588
((((Hugs)))
I remember when my xabf would have his snits and go off to a movie or restaurant with his "friends" ie. Other addicts, alcholoics and skanks. I'd be so lonely and losing my mind. I'd go out with my friends but the whole time be wondering if he was getting wasted. No food? They are the most self centered people in the world! Positively sub human!
One of my favorite quotes is " being lonely is recognizing the absence of others, to be alone in to recognize the fullness of your own presence. You seem like such a nice girl whose been dealt a crap hand. Don't put yourself down. It's not bad to be a person who thinks and thinks. You just have to direct what the thoughts are. Given that your ex is so thoughtless it kinda evens out ��. Music usually lifts my moods. Stay strong sis!
I remember when my xabf would have his snits and go off to a movie or restaurant with his "friends" ie. Other addicts, alcholoics and skanks. I'd be so lonely and losing my mind. I'd go out with my friends but the whole time be wondering if he was getting wasted. No food? They are the most self centered people in the world! Positively sub human!
One of my favorite quotes is " being lonely is recognizing the absence of others, to be alone in to recognize the fullness of your own presence. You seem like such a nice girl whose been dealt a crap hand. Don't put yourself down. It's not bad to be a person who thinks and thinks. You just have to direct what the thoughts are. Given that your ex is so thoughtless it kinda evens out ��. Music usually lifts my moods. Stay strong sis!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Just like stopping drinking is the first step in recovery for an alchie....... Getting away from the alchie is but the first step in recovery for the spouse of.
There is a saying that might be useful here.
"you can't think your way into right living, but you can live your way into right thinking"
In other words, take action to recover and eventually your head catches up.
What's on your list of recovery actions for today?
There is a saying that might be useful here.
"you can't think your way into right living, but you can live your way into right thinking"
In other words, take action to recover and eventually your head catches up.
What's on your list of recovery actions for today?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You know, pink, one of the good things is that he's just doing his thing(s) right now.
The knitting is a great idea, but you can also use this time to be doing your planning for what comes next. Have you created a new resume? Spend some time doing that. You've acquired a LOT of skills over the years. Check out some career-building sites and look at resume advice for career-changers. I know you plan to get your nursing license back, but you need a good job in the meantime. Doing the footwork now will pay off when you get out the door.
And again, I wouldn't discuss with him ANY of your plans. It's none of his business, and when you're ready to go, it's best to just GO.
The knitting is a great idea, but you can also use this time to be doing your planning for what comes next. Have you created a new resume? Spend some time doing that. You've acquired a LOT of skills over the years. Check out some career-building sites and look at resume advice for career-changers. I know you plan to get your nursing license back, but you need a good job in the meantime. Doing the footwork now will pay off when you get out the door.
And again, I wouldn't discuss with him ANY of your plans. It's none of his business, and when you're ready to go, it's best to just GO.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Do you have a telephone Pink?
Do you feel like calling a lawyer?
Do you feel like calling a lawyer?
Originally Posted by pinkpeony 
Hi everyone
Just thought I'd check in.
Been trying to stay off of the computer lately and get things done.
Been trying not to think so much about my situation.
Seems like all I do is think and think and think, then think some more.
It gets overwhelming. I tend to do that though, hyperfocus on things.
So, I've been trying to take a break and do other things and keep my mind busy.
Just feeling blah, depressed I guess.
AH hasn't been coming home a lot this past week, guess he's staying at his new girlfriends? Or his son's house in the city. I don't know.
I'm beyond lonely and bored. Just very blah, sad today.
I was thinking today that although we technically still live together, I am mourning the break up of my marriage and future divorce now. I was thinking when I finally am on my own, I'll have most of that past me and maybe it will be easier to move on. Or so I think.
He was here this evening to take a shower and change into clean clothes before telling me he was going out to see a band and wouldn't be back here until tomorrow late afternoon/evening.
Makes me feel badly to be "left behind" all alone. Again. My daughter is gone again for the weekend. I barely have any human interaction at all, when I do it's with AH, and very minimal.
He left without making sure I had any food, which I don't really. Hopefully my daughter can bring me some peanut butter and a loaf of bread in the morning.
Just makes me feel like I'm not even worth enough/don't matter enough as a human being to even make sure I have the necessities for living.
And I know nothing changes until something changes, just feeling down and wanting to vent.
Hope everyone has a great weekend I'm going to ask my daughter if she can get me some cheap knitting needles and yarn and learn how to knit! Something I always wanted to learn.
Just thought I'd check in.
Been trying to stay off of the computer lately and get things done.
Been trying not to think so much about my situation.
Seems like all I do is think and think and think, then think some more.
It gets overwhelming. I tend to do that though, hyperfocus on things.
So, I've been trying to take a break and do other things and keep my mind busy.
Just feeling blah, depressed I guess.
AH hasn't been coming home a lot this past week, guess he's staying at his new girlfriends? Or his son's house in the city. I don't know.
I'm beyond lonely and bored. Just very blah, sad today.
I was thinking today that although we technically still live together, I am mourning the break up of my marriage and future divorce now. I was thinking when I finally am on my own, I'll have most of that past me and maybe it will be easier to move on. Or so I think.
He was here this evening to take a shower and change into clean clothes before telling me he was going out to see a band and wouldn't be back here until tomorrow late afternoon/evening.
Makes me feel badly to be "left behind" all alone. Again. My daughter is gone again for the weekend. I barely have any human interaction at all, when I do it's with AH, and very minimal.
He left without making sure I had any food, which I don't really. Hopefully my daughter can bring me some peanut butter and a loaf of bread in the morning.
Just makes me feel like I'm not even worth enough/don't matter enough as a human being to even make sure I have the necessities for living.
And I know nothing changes until something changes, just feeling down and wanting to vent.
Hope everyone has a great weekend
I'm going to ask my daughter if she can get me some cheap knitting needles and yarn and learn how to knit! Something I always wanted to learn.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Pink, I am sorry you rare feeling down. How is it that your husband buys exactly enough food to last you and your daughter Monday through Friday with nothing extra? Does your daughter do without as well? What about your dog's. Do they have food?
Eventually your husband is going to just stop coming home. What happens then?
Maybe it's time to call the police and let them know you have been abandoned
Eventually your husband is going to just stop coming home. What happens then?
Maybe it's time to call the police and let them know you have been abandoned
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
I was thinking the same thing Pink. I think it's time to call the authorities. It's like you are being held hostage. You are hoping your daughter will bring you some PB and bread?? Find a temp home for the dogs and get to the shelter. It sounds like your daughter is gone a lot and you need to get out of there. I know I am pushing you to get out and you want to do this on your own time, in my opinion that time has come.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh Pink, I am sorry. One thing I will tell you that was correct for me is that by the time I split up with my X which was one year ago yesterday, I had already went through the worst of it. The grief and mourning of my marriage. It did make it much much easier after the fact.
Tight hugs my friend. XXX
Tight hugs my friend. XXX
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 50
I just donated all my knitting stuff to the Good Will! Cr-p!!!! I could have sent it to you. One time I was stuck alone with no money and nothing to do, so I got into Origami. It kind of saved me--It was totally distracting. (Just an idea.) Keep strong, Pink!
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