periwinkle123

"It's not really letting go of the past that is the problem. It is coming to terms with letting go of a possible future that will never be. That is the struggle. The mind wants to keep its fantasies. Even when they are wrong, unhealthy, dangerous or even cruel. To let go of the past you must let go of the future and live in the present."

On another note, I told my sister tonight.. She texted me saying I seem sad and worn out lately and if I'm okay, and I just broke down. AH has never wanted me to get family involved, & to an extent I agree with him about my parents. They wouldn't be helpful in either of our recoveries from this current state of life.. But it was nice to not have to keep it inside anymore and to have someone there by my side to support ME! Because the only other people that know are his sister & her husband (who are on and off users, so not much help to me), & some of his old friends that he used with.. I am day by day taking steps to take care of myself, give him space to make his choices & relinquish control as hard as it is.. Mourning the time that has been lost, but trying to live in the present and control what I can of my own life and actions and future.

Kelslol

Isn't it amazing how much better U feel when u talk to someone? I hid it my my friends and family for awhile and it killed me. I decided to open up to three of my closest girlfriends and the support I got was amazing. Sometimes I wish I opened up sooner. I'm proud of u for telling someone, it takes a lot of courage. It's crazy how our husbands addiction causes us to feel shame and embarrassment

periwinkle123

Yea definitely... I spent 1.5 years of his addiction hiding it.. Only talked to his sister here and there. But I don't even trust any of them because they used and exchanged stuff behind my back, so now I don't even trust people that are supposed to be family & any time they text (which is every day) I always wonder what they're talking about and if they're just enabling each other. They think they're "supporting" each other because they "understand" how hard it is.. & he at least has been pretty honest lately and tells me or shows me what they're talking about. But I hate not being able to trust him. When I dated/married him one of the things I loved was that he was so honest & I could never doubt I'm. Even if he would be our late somewhere or with friends, I always trusted him. Now... It's hard not to want to go through his phone and look through everything.. I used to do that every time I had a gut feeling he was hiding something, & I was always right... So sick of this addiction environment. Addiction runs in his family with all his aunts and uncles and some of his cousins.. They would actually get pills from his aunt sometimes.
Sorry for the long reply haha.. Just on a vent now. Currently taking measures to keep myself busy and away from being around them. But if it doesn't get better (which it has been, slowly) then I have my 6 month old to think about.. Never thought I would get a divorce after 2-3 years of marriage..

Ann

It is hard to let go of dreams you built, it's sad and disappointing and leaves you feeling empty because right now you have nothing to replace those dreams with.

Take care of yourself, keep moving forward and doing what is best for you and your child, and yes, wrap yourself in the support of your family and those you trust, and one day soon you will find your balance and the clarity to make some hard and good decisions.

Life (and dreams) are ever changing, what doesn't change is our ability to keep going even when the rug comes out from under out feet.

Hugs

hopeful4

Isolation is a form of self abuse, don't do it! I am glad you opened up, you deserve a support system!!!! XXX

Jorgenss

I am glad you opened up. Isolating yourself is so harmful. I have been there and I understand. Take care of you. Hugs!

JOIE12

never thought about this ... thank you
tho sometimes (for me) I need the solitude to listen to my own thoughts. To know what I want to do.

I guess there's a difference between solitude and isolation. Perhaps a fine line. Thank God for SR.