thequest

Enabling vent/rant.

Do the friends/peer group of the alkie/addict tend to abuse or enable themselves or are they abused by the alkie/addict?

Reason I asked I've noticed a big turnover in the friends and peer groups of the alkie/addict. Longtime friends with careers & responsibilities have apparently "abandoned" him as he says. I think they saw through his crap especially the better part of a decade unemployed yet still able to find money for various things.

I was hoping his successful or fully employed & friends with family would have the dominant influence. Now his new batch of hangout friend are much similar to his interests and experiences. Unfortunately I think their experiences of alcohol abuse including duis and rehab simply validate his current behavior.

Sometimes I'm leary of his newer friends and sometimes I fear for them because I think they really don't know what they're in for. I guess this was an enabling post

irisgardens

have read numerous times that the people we surround ourselves have and impact on our own behaviors...going through this with my H who, when we returned to Chile to regroup and try to start over...just went back to his high school and young adult 'friends' and the drinking and acting stupid started again as if it had never stopped for 38 years (more or less).

it has been eye opening...i have no wish to be back in high school or the young adult i was when fell in love with him...and well...have stated it clearly and he doesn't like what I am saying...have to watch for my anger though..really comes up right now...and have to go back to that beautiful concept of duct tape to keep things from escalating as I am the one who feels the pain and needs several days to get back in the saddle.

periwinkle123

I have found this to be the case with my AH... When he felt judged or not accepted by our peers he sought out his old friends that have experienced and understood what he feels. At the highs, they helped support each other through recovery and staying busy and active etc. So there was good. But on the other end, as both recovering users, neither was as stable, so it was easy for them to fall back into old habits when one or the other relapsed..

Lily1918

Birds of a feather flock together.

hopeful4

Well, the addict is normally not very pleasant to be around, so many times yes, they are left to deal with their own BS b/c people get sick of it. And they can normally see how it's going to turn out, so they steer clear.

I have also found that most addicts will hang out with anyone who will condone their using.

As Lily said...birds of a feather flock together. Very well said!

ladyscribbler

This. And water seeks its own level. Normal social drinkers aren't going to be comfortable hanging around a sloppy, out of control alcoholic, and an alcoholic or addict will feel "judged" by anyone who doesn't condone their behavior, like Hopeful said.
My ex used to drink at every bar in town, then slowly got banned from all but the skeeviest dives, the kinds of places where drug deals go down every night and someone gets shot or stabbed at least once a month, so you can probably imagine the types of "drinking buddies" he had. Many of them were straight-up hobos, and I had to throw a few of them out after he'd invited them to crash at our home.
Now he can't even get out to a bar. He drinks in his trailer with the outhouse in the yard and his auntwife by his side.
This was a man who had a Purple Heart pinned to his chest by then Pres. GWB. The progression of his alcoholism is measurable by his surroundings and the company he keeps.

JOIE12

an old saying: you are the company that you keep