Fear of life
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 93
Fear of life
I'm starting to think that a lot of my addiction fears boil down to a basic fear of life.
I don't even know how to explain it, but I know I am definitely afraid of "real life," and I'm plagued by these delusions that as long as I'm not really living, then my time here on earth will never be up.
The John Lennon quote comes to mind: "Life is what happens while we're busy making other plans."
It's like I'm trying to stall because I'm afraid of reality. So, instead, I seek to create my own delusional haze where I don't have to face anything or acknowledge anything. You know, because if I don't acknowledge it then it isn't true.
I think I'm afraid of being an "adult." I'm afraid of seeking a career (again). I'm afraid of marriage and family. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of success. I'm afraid of time passing. I am afraid of dying before I have the chance to really get started living, which is perhaps what this all boils down to.
I think I am looking for some way to not actively "live," a way to hit the pause button on reality.
I don't even know how to explain it, but I know I am definitely afraid of "real life," and I'm plagued by these delusions that as long as I'm not really living, then my time here on earth will never be up.
The John Lennon quote comes to mind: "Life is what happens while we're busy making other plans."
It's like I'm trying to stall because I'm afraid of reality. So, instead, I seek to create my own delusional haze where I don't have to face anything or acknowledge anything. You know, because if I don't acknowledge it then it isn't true.
I think I'm afraid of being an "adult." I'm afraid of seeking a career (again). I'm afraid of marriage and family. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of success. I'm afraid of time passing. I am afraid of dying before I have the chance to really get started living, which is perhaps what this all boils down to.
I think I am looking for some way to not actively "live," a way to hit the pause button on reality.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Every good thing that has happened to me happened after I recognized that fear was keeping me from pursuing what it was I wanted, but was too afraid to go after. I wasn't going to let fear hold me back.
I changed jobs, careers, got a degree, got another degree, bought a house, got married, got clean and sober. All things that scared me.
I changed jobs, careers, got a degree, got another degree, bought a house, got married, got clean and sober. All things that scared me.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by mecanix 
Nelson Mandela
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
"It's like I'm trying to stall because I'm afraid of reality. So, instead, I seek to create my own delusional haze where I don't have to face anything or acknowledge anything. You know, because if I don't acknowledge it then it isn't true.
I think I'm afraid of being an "adult." I'm afraid of seeking a career (again). I'm afraid of marriage and family. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of success. I'm afraid of time passing. I am afraid of dying before I have the chance to really get started living, which is perhaps what this all boils down to."
You know, I'm fifty. I still have these fears but now that I'm maintaining sobriety, I can acknowledge them and they aren't as scary as they used to be. They are still scary, but not the giant monsters that crippled me and sent me to the bottle, over and over again.
What you are going through is not unique in alcoholics. I know a guy who didn't go to his mailbox for months because if he didn't go and didn't see the bills piling up, well?! They just weren't there. I still fall for that game. Pretending that if I close my eyes, it isn't real. But it is all real. I learned the hard way. And I catered to those fears rather than step up to the plate and live my life.
I love Mecanix' quote from Nelson Mandela. That is awesome. In the true meaning of Awesome. Awe inspiring. We are all meant to shine. We all hide our light under the bushel. Time to take it off.
I think I'm afraid of being an "adult." I'm afraid of seeking a career (again). I'm afraid of marriage and family. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of success. I'm afraid of time passing. I am afraid of dying before I have the chance to really get started living, which is perhaps what this all boils down to."
You know, I'm fifty. I still have these fears but now that I'm maintaining sobriety, I can acknowledge them and they aren't as scary as they used to be. They are still scary, but not the giant monsters that crippled me and sent me to the bottle, over and over again.
What you are going through is not unique in alcoholics. I know a guy who didn't go to his mailbox for months because if he didn't go and didn't see the bills piling up, well?! They just weren't there. I still fall for that game. Pretending that if I close my eyes, it isn't real. But it is all real. I learned the hard way. And I catered to those fears rather than step up to the plate and live my life.
I love Mecanix' quote from Nelson Mandela. That is awesome. In the true meaning of Awesome. Awe inspiring. We are all meant to shine. We all hide our light under the bushel. Time to take it off.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi NightNDay, I do not want to offer any advice as your fears may or may not be entirely alcohol related, possibly? But I can share my experience. Alcohol did create fear in my life and when I just quit being stupid about it, roughly 10 years ago I came out of my shell. I got married, bought a house, bought a boat, got a dog, went fishing all over Minnesota. Lost my job, no problem, started a business. Its been 11 years now. I found it exciting and exhilarating. Still do. I still have some struggles, but that's what happened to me when I got rid of the fear of life as you put it.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
The only thing that holding on to my fears did for me was to make my nightmares come true. Without exception.
The dynamic is similar to that in procrastination. As long as I don't complete a task, don't make a decision, don't act on my own behalf...as long as I stay perfectly still, I cannot fail. What a horrible price to pay for an illusory sense of security.
A good therapist can make all the difference.
The dynamic is similar to that in procrastination. As long as I don't complete a task, don't make a decision, don't act on my own behalf...as long as I stay perfectly still, I cannot fail. What a horrible price to pay for an illusory sense of security.
A good therapist can make all the difference.
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