Long time lurker, first time poster
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: SC
Posts: 19
Long time lurker, first time poster
Hello folks,
I've been following this forum for a couple of years, as I have been battling an addiction to alcohol. I am what many would call a "functioning" alcoholic, as I have a full time job, a wife, and an 8 month old daughter. We have a good life by many standards. The term "functioning" is really a misnomer, as I realize that I'm not functioning near my potential.
I've realized that I'm drinking due to impulse and an irrational drive to drink. Each night is a bit different, but daily consumption is around a pint or so of liquor every night. If it's not liquor, it's wine, or it's high gravity beer. On the weekends, I can down a fifth of liquor in a day. This has been going on for about 6 years.
My health is deteriorating, and I know that this road will end in disaster. What started as self-medication has become a crutch and an obstacle to true healing. I absolutely have to quit drinking. For my wife. For my daughter. For my family and friends. And I have to quit for me. I don't want to be a statistic.
Earlier tonight I had 3 glasses of wine, but I will not have anymore. This is where it begins. I am not going to go across the street to buy more.
So I want to open up and expose myself and my problem. I think you all have a great community here that can help anyone. I hope I can benefit from your wisdom and help others in the future. Thanks for listening.
I've been following this forum for a couple of years, as I have been battling an addiction to alcohol. I am what many would call a "functioning" alcoholic, as I have a full time job, a wife, and an 8 month old daughter. We have a good life by many standards. The term "functioning" is really a misnomer, as I realize that I'm not functioning near my potential.
I've realized that I'm drinking due to impulse and an irrational drive to drink. Each night is a bit different, but daily consumption is around a pint or so of liquor every night. If it's not liquor, it's wine, or it's high gravity beer. On the weekends, I can down a fifth of liquor in a day. This has been going on for about 6 years.
My health is deteriorating, and I know that this road will end in disaster. What started as self-medication has become a crutch and an obstacle to true healing. I absolutely have to quit drinking. For my wife. For my daughter. For my family and friends. And I have to quit for me. I don't want to be a statistic.
Earlier tonight I had 3 glasses of wine, but I will not have anymore. This is where it begins. I am not going to go across the street to buy more.
So I want to open up and expose myself and my problem. I think you all have a great community here that can help anyone. I hope I can benefit from your wisdom and help others in the future. Thanks for listening.
You'll find lots of support here to help you stay sober. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 65
hey caad, do I detect a bike reference in your username? I could have written your post. and have the fault of being more of a lurker than poster, which means just what the old-timers will suspect: that in spite of my join date of a year ago I've only had a few weeks of sobriety here and there. We should both resolve to post more often and be accountable. the old saying just rings so true: if nothing changes, nothing changes. welcome
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome.
your description haunts me with images of my own history. Things got worse from there for me - though many would still have considered my descent within the "functional" level.
I realize more and more every day how far from 'functional' that really was.
It wasn't always easy - but it has been well worth it. And life gets better and better all the time; 14 months and counting.
You'll find great support and community here. You've made a great choice and set an intention for a more joyous, rich and full life than you've ever imagined.
NOW.....
Comes the action.
We're here to help if we can.
your description haunts me with images of my own history. Things got worse from there for me - though many would still have considered my descent within the "functional" level.
I realize more and more every day how far from 'functional' that really was.
It wasn't always easy - but it has been well worth it. And life gets better and better all the time; 14 months and counting.
You'll find great support and community here. You've made a great choice and set an intention for a more joyous, rich and full life than you've ever imagined.
NOW.....
Comes the action.
We're here to help if we can.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: SC
Posts: 19
Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. It really helps to know that I'm not alone in my experience and struggle with addiction, and that many of you can relate. Today has been a good day. I don't feel great, and I think it's a mix of the alcohol taking its toll on my digestive system and gaining so much weight over the last year.
GetSmart - It is a bike reference! I have a 2012 Cannondale CAAD10 road bike with a 105 groupo and my prized Mavic Ksyrium wheels on it. In 2013, I had over 100 days of sobriety, got back into cycling, lost 45 lbs, and was averaging about 150 miles a week on the bike. I even had a cat 5 racing license and raced in a criterium race, which is probably the most physically demanding and frightening thing I've done. My join date was back in the fall of 2013, which was a month or two after I had slipped back into drinking regularly. At that point, my drinking was back to the "norm."
The reason I've decided to jump into this forum is because I've realized that in the past, my motivation to quit drinking has been for fitness, bragging rights, and to prove that I'm really not an addict, but I need something more than that. I wanted to prove that I didn't have a problem. Now, I've realized that I do have a real problem, and I hope that I've caught it early enough to address it. Now, I want my motivation to be the conquering of this addiction's hold on my mind and body. It's been ruling over me as my God for too long.
As much as this is a wake up call for me, I'm still fighting cravings even as I type this. This is quite the beast; I KNOW that the desire to be drunk is foolish, unhealthy, and damaging for me in every way. But I still want it. I've talked to some close friends about it, and they don't get it. I'm here to listen and learn from those of you who are fighting the same things. I guess I'm determined to not "want" it anymore and to fight that basic temptation and kick it in the face. The scary thing for me is the possibility that I will never NOT "want" alcohol. How do I deal with that?
Thanks very much for listening.
Originally Posted by GetSmart 
hey caad, do I detect a bike reference in your username? I could have written your post. and have the fault of being more of a lurker than poster, which means just what the old-timers will suspect: that in spite of my join date of a year ago I've only had a few weeks of sobriety here and there. We should both resolve to post more often and be accountable. the old saying just rings so true: if nothing changes, nothing changes. welcome
The reason I've decided to jump into this forum is because I've realized that in the past, my motivation to quit drinking has been for fitness, bragging rights, and to prove that I'm really not an addict, but I need something more than that. I wanted to prove that I didn't have a problem. Now, I've realized that I do have a real problem, and I hope that I've caught it early enough to address it. Now, I want my motivation to be the conquering of this addiction's hold on my mind and body. It's been ruling over me as my God for too long.
As much as this is a wake up call for me, I'm still fighting cravings even as I type this. This is quite the beast; I KNOW that the desire to be drunk is foolish, unhealthy, and damaging for me in every way. But I still want it. I've talked to some close friends about it, and they don't get it. I'm here to listen and learn from those of you who are fighting the same things. I guess I'm determined to not "want" it anymore and to fight that basic temptation and kick it in the face. The scary thing for me is the possibility that I will never NOT "want" alcohol. How do I deal with that?
Thanks very much for listening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: SC
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Crasfd
How are you getting on?
Thank you for checking up.
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