Ilovemysonjj

Hello family. JJ reached out and asked for a ride to detox. He wants to go to
Salvation Army but they wouldn't take him til he was clean. He looked horrible
And was in full withdrawals. Let's see what happens at the end of his stay
In detox. He has nowhere to go and no possessions. Asking for prayers.
I miss my son.

Lovenjoy

^^^ he reached out - that is a good thing hon. prayers for you both.

allthatsgood

Teresa - I feel your pain. I just found out last week that my son relapsed after being clean for a year from heroin. It was a punch in the stomach which I was not ready for. He has been detoxing for last week. Says he has a plan but it's not a good one and may not be a real attempt at recovery. Hoping he decides to go back the the rehab so he can get back in the sober house. I'm sorry we have to go through this - you and your son will be in my prayers. Hugs!

greeteachday

I'm glad he reached out Teresa. It seems as if he gets tired of the whole deal quicker each time. As hard as it is to experience, think how much longer he'd stay the using course if things were comfortable for him. Lots of good thoughts and prayers that he finds his way, and extra hugs and prayers for the mom who misses her son

GardenMama

I am sending you a big strong hug, Teresa. It is so good he's detoxing and yet so painful to see that child we once knew seem unrecognizable. I know in my own bones how much you miss him. He will find his way through this. Peace and good sleep for you tonight!

mayabee

Glad that he reached out. Know this is so painful for you to see him going through this but it is positive that he has asked for help. Sending positive thoughts to you and JJ.

INgal

I'm so sorry, Teresa. It's the hardest thing to go through. He is making an effort so that is encouraging. Prayers and hugs.

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you all for the replies. I am struggling with wanting to "rescue" and wanting to kick his ASS!!!! He has been given so many chances and self destructs every time. I have hope because he is breathing, but it is SOOOOO hard to let my heart open again. He is really alone in the world until he embraces his recovery, brothers in a program and his HP. He is a stranger to me today.

GardenMama

Teresa, if you haven't yet, read Ann's recent post In Between -- I think it is where we mothers reside often, as you said, "wanting to "rescue" and wanting to kick his ASS!" That is another kind of "in between" than the article refers to, I know, but it is kind of funny in a healthy way: "I am glad you are alive, son, but now I am going to...." That kind of rage gave me fuel to keep my boundaries during my daughter's summertime relapse escapades.

My therapist reminded me that mothers have a documented biological connection to their children, something in our very cells, that makes this kind of repeat trauma especially painful. Take it easy on yourself today. You don't have to open your heart today, or tomorrow, if that means putting yourself at risk with him again. Love him from a distance. It's okay, and doesn't mean you aren't a good or loving mother...you just need a little bit of a stronger shield around you right now.

Morning Glory

I've been in a place when I had to take my son to a hospital when I was so angry I could hardly look at him. I remember one time staring at his dirty socks all night when he was laying in the hospital bed. I projected all of my anger onto his dirty socks. He was asleep and I was exhausted sitting in that chair.

There was a terminally ill patient in the bed next to him. It was so much the same. I just sat and thought that even though my son has an addiction he is fighting for his life in the same way the other patient was. I was just as powerless to anything about it.
I never have been able to open my heart in the same way. Not even with my son's children. They are my grandchildren and I love them, but I can't bond only to watch them go away and never see them again. I think it's okay to protect our hearts and continue to cope that way.

Lovenjoy

i could have written this myself MG (except for the socks!) so many trips to the hospital until i finally refused to take him so he'd call an ambulance because my anger was so overpowering i couldn't do it. to be so angry at a sick and suffering person is something i would never have dreamed possible. and to have it be my child...

addiction - powerful and baffling ...

Ilovemysonjj

I took his clothes yesterday and he was still in the throes of his detox. He knows he must do the next thing on his own. I let him know the person he was in recovery is the son I am proud of. Both Hubby and I are scared because JJ is now trying again to leave this life behind. It is scary because we can dare to hope and dream he may come back to us. So difficult, so scared and so tired. The placement center is recommending he go back to the Fellowship center where he was last. Not sure if that is good or bad, but at some point JJ will have to begin to stand on his feet. I hope he can still find a way to Salvation Army. Their program seems more grounded in routines and expectations. The detox center is tied to our insurance, so they are trying to place him via who our insurance carrier works with. Sigh. Red tape that must be dealt with. I am SITTING ON MY HANDS and on SR instead of calling and trying to break down the doors to get him into Rehab.

Morning Glory

Once he's through detox can he call the Salvation Army on his own to see if they have an opening for him? There is always a 2 or 3 month waiting list where I live. I'm not sure how it is where you are. Maybe he can get himself on the waiting list and go to the other place until there is an opening.

Ilovemysonjj

Hello MG, that is what I think he can do as well. I just worry because the other place is smack dab in the middle of his latest "run". However, if he REALLY wants recovery, then he must prepare on how to resist the people, places and things that got him in trouble. I am hoping and praying for the best solution. I spoke to his nurse, he is still not doing very well, but they are encouraging him to start to attend the "group" meetings and start his step work. That is important in terms of him beginning to come out of the fog of the pain of the detox. he is over hour 72 so it should start improving.

Morning Glory

I will hope and pray with you.

I found this image for you (us).

Impurrfect

Hugs and prayers to both of you, sweetie.

Amy

Ilovemysonjj

Prayers working! My friend's Step Dad is the intake manager at the San Diego Salvation Army and he is saving JJ a bed. What a miracle! Now its a matter of JJ getting through his withdrawals to be able to leave detox and go into SA immediately. I hope they can keep him through Thursday and I can pick him up Friday morning and deliver him before work. Keep praying everyone! I broke down in tears with relief when Lisa told me her dad could help. I will let JJ know this news so he knows that GOD has got this one!!!!

irisgardens

Prayers going and will continue. So glad to hear that he reached out AND that he is getting a bed at The Salvation Army...his HP working.

Sending love and support to you and your son.

Morning Glory

That's wonderful news!

Taking5

Prayers sent. I hate addiction.