JadedGirl

Anyone else struggle with this? Have to avoid a friend recently as when my other friend and my mum were encouraging me to stop she would tell me not to be silly and I didn't have a problem (she likes a drink her parents live with her and crack open a can at 11am so I think her view is kinda skewed). She kept telling me I deserved a drink every night after work and that was normal and 'who doesn't?'. Told a friend recently I wasn't drinking and tonight online she said well done and she went 3 months before (she thought I was just doing it for health reasons etc)...opened up to her and admitted I was dependent and this wasn't a few months thing but had to be for good and she said 'oh yea I'm dependent on it too think a lot of people are but I like a drink'... not comparing but I know she has a drink on a weekend and enjoys it but when people say things like that and sort of minimise it it just makes me feel really frustrated like they don't understand and my head starts saying 'maybe I'm making more of it than it is and maybe I can have a drink because it's normal' but then I know it's not too. I know myself I can't but I feel if people minimise and make me feel it's not a big problem that it hits my resolve if that makes sense?? X

Jen73

A lot of people don't think they have a problem with Alcohol, So its easy for them to say stuff like that. 11am is really early!! I was more a night drinker to 4am, until recently 2/3/15 I pushed it 1pm, that's also when I realize my drinking was getting worse. But, I still did it. Now I am sober for 12 days!!

Anyway, Its a big problem if you cant control your drinking, and if you think you can then all that encouragement and hard work you have success just went down the drain.

Just my point of view!!

Impurrfect

JadedGirl - some people can drink "normally". Others have a problem but they are in deep denial.

I'm a recovering addict, and among other things, I abused opiates. I'm amazed at my friends and family members who just take what they need for extreme pain, then stop.

I know the truth for me, though. I'm not like them. I found recovery for a reason, my life had spiraled down. For anyone to dismiss my problem, well...they either don't know me well or they just don't get it. Regardless of what others think, *I* know the truth and I think you do as well.

My suggestion is to keep reaching out to those who do understand and get it, which you are doing here - kudos to you!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Anna

I knew I felt very vulnerable when I stopped drinking and so I decided to not tell anyone what I was doing. I honestly felt that I didn't have enough energy to try to deal with those kinds of issues.

I hope that you can focus on your recovery and stay firm in your plan.

JadedGirl

I know I can't control it that's the point but it's so frustrating when your trying so hard and then I feel all this hard work, will power and nights of being up till (right now 2.30am again) is minimised as me making too much of it . I think I'm just feeling sensitive and I don't want any grand gestures or congratulations it's my own stupid fault I got in this mess in the first place but when I'm told 'oh we all like a drink'...I just feel angry like omg u have no idea!!!! Doesn't seem to take much to make me feel angry these days, never used to be x
Yea thanks I know I should have just kept quiet and not said anything because people just don't understand! Xx

ScottFromWI

You know the truth of the matter. What other people think about your drinking is not relevant. Most people don't undertand alcoholism, heck we barely do and live with it every day. You may need to avoid these people, at least until you have a more solid foundation.

Dee74

Nearly everyone in my life then told me to cut back a bit and that I was ovverreacting.
I listened to them for far too long, when I knew full well I had a problem.

We can't change the world JG but we can change ourselves

Impurrfect

Sweetie - it's quite normal to feel raw when we are new to this. Emotions seem to come flooding out of nowhere. I finally realized it was all the emotion I'd buried in being numb, but the fact didn't make it any better.

Please be kind to yourself and have faith in yourself. You are doing what is best for YOU. Some people won't get it, some people will minimize it, but there are also a lot of people who will support you and understand.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

JadedGirl

Thanks feel a bit better offloading (again!!) been doing a lot of that lately and Thanku for always responding :-)
I know people don't know the whole picture and I really don't want huge cheers of well done I just hate being invalidated when it's taken me so long to admit to myself and to actually do this.
I do know deep down I'm doing the right thing though and the people closest to me are more than supportive. Also couldn't have got this far without sr xx

Della1968

I think you have done awesome since you have been here

JadedGirl

Thanku Hun...think the sober me is getting a little hypersensitive lol xx

Della1968

Lol well it beats hungover!

FeelingGreat

Jaded, coming in late on this, but it's very common for people to feel they have to justify their own drinking when they hear someone has decided to become sober.
There are lots of warnings out there about how harmful drinking can be, and people who enjoy drinking and deep inside know they should stop or cut back are often in denial.

I should know, I was in denial for a long time, and you probably were as well. I don't tell that many people about myself, but I when I do I see their reactions as a form of processing the information as it relates to them. Nothing to do with me at all.

It gets a bit more personal and intrusive if they're actually urging you to have a drink; at that stage it's better to shut them down firmly with 'I've made up my mind, but you feel free to go ahead if that's what you want.'

JadedGirl

Haha very true x

JadedGirl

Yea didn't think of it like that. I haven't told that many people. Gp said the other day I should but I don't really want to tell everyone. He also said if I was going to bbqs, sitting out in the summer etc (things said I was worried about for the future) I should make sure people know and also say I don't want ppl to drink around me but that's not really feasible is it. Don't want the whole street and everyone I spend time with knowing and I can't stop other ppl drinking. Probably end up never being invited to anything lol xx

MythOfSisyphus

People minimize it when they just Have. No. Clue. A non-addict can't fathom what an addict is going through. Don't let it distract you, just keep your eyes on the prize.

FeelingGreat

I don't agree with your GP at all. We can't control a social situation but we can prepare ourselves for it. I make sure I have a large glass of whatever NA drink I feel like in my hand the moment I arrive, and that helps a lot.
Obviously you have to be careful about alcohol in your home, and also some social situations, but sobriety is quite doable if you plan carefully.

Nonsensical

They don't understand.

It's only frustrating when you expect them to understand.

I stopped expecting the non-addicted to understand and I no longer feel frustrated by their non-understanding.

OnMyWay7

Jaded - yes i understand where you're coming from. Sometimes those people don't see us with the consistency that we see ourselves. My SO of 17 years still can't believe I have a problem - keeps saying but you just drink a bit each night. She thinks this because I never told her about the vodka in the basement or how I would go to the kitchen and drink right out of the wine bottle and not re-fill my glass. So I can kind of see how she didn't think I was an alcoholic. But I know, I know what I've done and how I am and that I can't control my drinking one I start. I am telling more people now so that I'm more accountable. When people look at me and are like "do you really think you are" I look them dead in the eye and with authority say "I'm an alcoholic" and they believe me.

Hang in there girl - stay sober - it's job 1

barefootjunker

I know that in my drinking I kept only the people around me that drank like me. So now my not drinking and acknowledgement of being an alcoholic is a threat to their drinking. Reactions are very similar to what you are receiving from your friends. So today I choose to not be around them and surround myself with people that are working on the solution. I'm not rude about it, I just tell them I can't be around the drinking anymore.