saffire

Hello Everyone and Thank you for welcoming me. I am a little nervous. Mu hubby is an alcoholic and has been for 11 years, since our son was born. I did not notice it until the last five years. IT became unmanageable, he drank, walked the streets, lived on the streets, cheated, lost his job, and so on... Our children and myself are exhausted. HE is now in a 7 month rehab in Montreal. It is his third rehab session. I am so happy he has stopped drinking but wonder if the 7 month rehab is really good and will it be ok when he comes out into reality? I also wonder what he will be like and what to expect from him. After all the rehab attempts I still do not know what to expect from his behaviors, what is my role as his wife and how are our children supposed to act. We are couples therapy to regain trust and communication. That I understand but I really have a hard time understanding how he will be when he comes out. What or how can he adapt to everyday life. I ask myself should there not be a therapy session for families with returning loved ones. So worried!!

Verte

Hi Saffire,

Welcome to the SR forum. I'm happy that you are here as there is so much support and wisdom through the uncertainty.

You must take care of yourself and your needs first and foremost.

Take a look in the Friends and Family support forum...there is another new forum I believe.

Anyhow. Welcome

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

saffire

My alcoholic hubby came home for the weekend and he drank. He relapsed, I do not know what is worse the relapse or the lie he told me. He denied he did it!! After all the therapy we have gone to. Is this my fault?

LonelyShadow

It's not your fault saffire.

He is an alcoholic.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Saffire!!

You'll find loads of support and advice here on SR, great to have you onboard!!

Soberwolf

Welcome

Dee74

It's definitely not your fault saffire. I am an alcoholic and noone made me drink. I did that.

I'm sorry for your situation but I know you'll find a lot of support and experience here

I hope that maybe in the rest of the time your husband has in rehab something might 'click' for him.

D

SoberLeigh

Welcome to zsR, saffire.

It is definitely not your fault. While our loved ones are immeasurably affected by our alcoholism, the responsibly rests solely with us.

saffire

OMG, thank you all for your wise words. I really appreciate the advice. I have been to Al-Anon and have done therapy but I still have trouble separating myself from his addiction. TO Sober Leigh, I just want to understand though: the alcoholic is responsible for his/her actions but is drinking a disease or is it a mask for something else. After all these years I am still wondering and not understanding anything. My hubby is not open, he does not talk about anything. ALl he seems to say is " in due time."

SoberLeigh

That is a loaded question, saffire, and I am really unequipped to answer.

Alcoholism is often referred to as a disease; some dispute this.

Many alcoholics use alcohol as a coping tool; I know I did. I don't blame anyone for my failure to find healthy coping mechanisms. I don't blame for my alcoholism; I poured the poison down my own throat.

To be certain, though, a third party is not responsible.

Jen73

Hi Saffire,

My husband is going to Al-Non, for many reasons, dealing with his childhood by living with a alcoholic. When steve and I got married, I wasn't like this until 3-4 years in our marriage. He goes to Al-Non to cope how to deal with me.

I have been sober for 5 days now, I am willing to do everything possible to help me, so my family doesn't have to suffer of my disease.

Your not alone and it isn't your fault for any actions that your hubby does.

My husband struggles in certain things about alcoholics, by going to those meetings it has help him to face things. He also reads couple of books that they gave him to read everyday. Sometimes, Steve will ask me to read it, cause he feels it concerns us.

saffire

Hi Jen73,

Thank you for your post and I happy for your 5 day sobriety. I can not and will not say I know how it feels but I do know it takes a lot of courage and strength.

I constantly think about how I could make things better. He lived on the streets last summer, after he lost his job. I had to remain strong and stone faced for the kids sake. Now that he is safe and in rehab I am full of anxiety. I want answers and I want change...now!! that is the anxious and tired part of being a spouse to an alcoholic because he has been to rehab 2 other times. But SR so far has helped me and I am grateful. I do not if your husband is calm but I am not. I have had a really difficult time understanding his actions and take them personally.