Long-time lurker, first-time poster
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 8
Long-time lurker, first-time poster
Good morning, everyone!
I’m 41 years old, and until the past year and a half or so, I never had any issues with alcohol. I never HAD to drink, never had any problems moderating when I did drink, and could always take it or leave it. I think that a couple of things that happened around the time I turned 40 somehow flipped a switch in my head. I started drinking alone, binge drinking on the weekends after my husband went to work (night shift) and the kids were in bed, hiding the bottles in the recycling, feeling guilty about my drinking, etc. Back in April, I blacked out. Fortunately, that's the only time it's ever happened, but it scared the crap out of me and forced me to admit that maybe I'd better get a handle on this problem before it gets worse.
I’ve been lurking off and on at SR since early May, I believe, when I finally started to grudgingly admit to myself and to a few of the people I care about that I might have a problem with alcohol. I managed to stay sober for 104 days from the end of May through mid-September (I even stayed sober through my father’s sudden death in July). After a week-long wine binge around my birthday in September, I am currently 134 days sober. I guess I’m drawn to post here this morning because for the past three or four days, I’ve felt my grasp on sobriety slipping again, and I feel the need to reach out to people before I do something I’ll regret.
I think I’ll stop here for now because I’m wordy, and I could go on forever.
I’m 41 years old, and until the past year and a half or so, I never had any issues with alcohol. I never HAD to drink, never had any problems moderating when I did drink, and could always take it or leave it. I think that a couple of things that happened around the time I turned 40 somehow flipped a switch in my head. I started drinking alone, binge drinking on the weekends after my husband went to work (night shift) and the kids were in bed, hiding the bottles in the recycling, feeling guilty about my drinking, etc. Back in April, I blacked out. Fortunately, that's the only time it's ever happened, but it scared the crap out of me and forced me to admit that maybe I'd better get a handle on this problem before it gets worse.
I’ve been lurking off and on at SR since early May, I believe, when I finally started to grudgingly admit to myself and to a few of the people I care about that I might have a problem with alcohol. I managed to stay sober for 104 days from the end of May through mid-September (I even stayed sober through my father’s sudden death in July). After a week-long wine binge around my birthday in September, I am currently 134 days sober. I guess I’m drawn to post here this morning because for the past three or four days, I’ve felt my grasp on sobriety slipping again, and I feel the need to reach out to people before I do something I’ll regret.
I think I’ll stop here for now because I’m wordy, and I could go on forever.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
There have been a couple times when I really struggled, too. Once was around four months and once was at six months. I've been stable since then.
Welcome to the posting side. You're going to make it through it this time.
That first drink is the one you have to avoid. If you're on the railroad tracks, it's the first car that is going to kill you, not the caboose.
Welcome to the posting side. You're going to make it through it this time.
That first drink is the one you have to avoid. If you're on the railroad tracks, it's the first car that is going to kill you, not the caboose.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
There have been a couple times when I really struggled, too. Once was around four months and once was at six months. I've been stable since then.
Welcome to the posting side. You're going to make it through it this time.
That first drink is the one you have to avoid. If you're on the railroad tracks, it's the first car that is going to kill you, not the caboose.
Welcome to the posting side. You're going to make it through it this time.
That first drink is the one you have to avoid. If you're on the railroad tracks, it's the first car that is going to kill you, not the caboose.
The closest I came to caving was at 4-1/2 months, too. I was definitely feeling 'better' but was still suffering from lethargy and foggy-brain which didn't begin to lift until about six months.
So glad that I didn't because it truly gets better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 18
Hi and welcome, MsCromulent! 
Thank you so much for posting your story.
It took me a while also to surrender to the realization that if I were to live, I had to make some changes.
I am 27 days sober today thanks to SR and AA.
Grace
_______________________________
one decision 2 brighter.jpg
Thank you so much for posting your story.
It took me a while also to surrender to the realization that if I were to live, I had to make some changes.
I am 27 days sober today thanks to SR and AA.
Grace_______________________________
one decision 2 brighter.jpg
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 8
Thanks so much for the welcome! 
As far as AA meetings go, I haven't yet gone to any. I did look into local meetings. There's only one meeting per week in my town (Mondays at 8 PM); other meetings are 30+ miles away. It's easy for me to use my four daughters and their activities as an excuse for not doing this. In all honestly, I'd prefer something that's online.
My concern is that I'm swapping one addiction for others: namely spending too much time online and diet and exercise. Regarding diet and exercise -- that's something I've always been into, but when I went back to work in 2010, I stopped working out as regularly and gained about 30 pounds. I've lost that weight since I stopped drinking and started lifting weights, doing cardio, and making better food choices, but I find myself needing those endorphins and getting anxious and stabby when I can't get to the gym.
I had been feeling pretty good about things lately, but as I mentioned in another post, my online worlds intersected in a scary, creepy way the other day, and since then, I've thought about drinking to calm myself even though the situation is pretty much resolved.
As far as AA meetings go, I haven't yet gone to any. I did look into local meetings. There's only one meeting per week in my town (Mondays at 8 PM); other meetings are 30+ miles away. It's easy for me to use my four daughters and their activities as an excuse for not doing this. In all honestly, I'd prefer something that's online.
My concern is that I'm swapping one addiction for others: namely spending too much time online and diet and exercise. Regarding diet and exercise -- that's something I've always been into, but when I went back to work in 2010, I stopped working out as regularly and gained about 30 pounds. I've lost that weight since I stopped drinking and started lifting weights, doing cardio, and making better food choices, but I find myself needing those endorphins and getting anxious and stabby when I can't get to the gym.
I had been feeling pretty good about things lately, but as I mentioned in another post, my online worlds intersected in a scary, creepy way the other day, and since then, I've thought about drinking to calm myself even though the situation is pretty much resolved.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Facebook is such a negative place in so many ways. I am lucky in that I have a very common name, so people can't really search and find me. Keeping worlds separate online is a skill, that's for sure. I'm not even on facebook anymore.
I think nutrition/exercise and some online time is infinitely better than drinking. With time, you'll move into other things. I don't beat myself up about not doing more stuff - I am perfectly content with my life as it is.
I think nutrition/exercise and some online time is infinitely better than drinking. With time, you'll move into other things. I don't beat myself up about not doing more stuff - I am perfectly content with my life as it is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 8
I can't believe I was so nervous about posting here. You've all made me feel very welcome!
I should be able to get through the day. I'll have to do some grocery shopping later. My husband usually goes with me because I know from past experience that shopping alone at the grocery store is somewhat of a trigger for me.
I should be able to get through the day. I'll have to do some grocery shopping later. My husband usually goes with me because I know from past experience that shopping alone at the grocery store is somewhat of a trigger for me.
)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome MsCromulent, I'm glad you posted.
It's good that you notice you'd like a little extra support at the moment. We're here for you. And, I always find my time here inspires me.
It's good that you notice you'd like a little extra support at the moment. We're here for you. And, I always find my time here inspires me.
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