I have not seen Katchie around
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Free..Thank you for thinking of me. Had a rough evening. My husband wanted to buy dinner and bring it to us this evening, which was great because I was studying for a test.
After he sat down to dinner with us and started interacting, it was obvious he had been drinking. He wasn't sloshed to where he couldn't walk, but there was a slight slur and slight stagger. My boys noticed it right off. One son I could tell was mad about it, ate, was rough with the condiments in a show of anger, then retreated upstairs as did all the boys once they were finished eating. My husband OBLIVIOUS to how obvious the boys are feeling.
My husband and I sat in the living room for a little bit just chatting. He seemed a little agitated. No need to bring anything up about his drinking that I know is useless. He then lets me know that his brother will try to come this week to see our sons play ball. Of course, I know what that means and what he is about to try -- wanting to play nice little family. He then asks when he can come home and I told him we talked about this weeks ago. He doesn't remember what I said, or so he claims. So I restate that I need 1 year of him sober and getting help to find out why he has to check out of life and really work on it. He gets angry. Points the finger that I just can't forgive him; he's forgiven himself after all. How nice for him. I told him I forgive but I don't forget and because of that I won't let him back until he does those things successfully. Then for good measure he throws in that if he died tomorrow he would meet his maker with a clean conscience. Good. So would I, and? He then tells me something that makes no sense and I tell him he isn't making sense. So he repeats. I "think" what he was trying to say is that one of us is going to get use to and even like being apart; that one year apart is just too long and he almost made it a year sober. I point out I'm being generous to even agree he was 6 months sober. He starts in on things weren't that bad, not as bad as Im trying to make them out to be. At this point I start crying and told him that he doesn't know how bad things have been, he doesn't know the damage alcoholism has placed on this family, esp our sons because tho he might be here physically there have been no lights on, not to mention how nasty he can be towards me. Somewhere in the mix of the crappy toxic conversation he throws in again that he would be ok if he died tomorrow and it wouldn't be so bad. What?
That ended the conversation. He was silent and so was I. I went to get my haircut/color as planned this evening. He went to his hotel. While getting my hair cut he texts me that he loves me and he is fine...hopes I have a good haircut. HE is fine? What? I'm sitting around worrying if he is fine? Heck no! How about asking if I'm ok? How about APOLOGIZING instead of demanding forgiveness?! How about don't show up at this house if you have had even ONE drink?!
While having my hair done my hairdresser points out that I'm really thinning. I start bawling. I've always had the thickest hair. It really p*sses me off. GREAT. Maybe I'll be bald.
After he sat down to dinner with us and started interacting, it was obvious he had been drinking. He wasn't sloshed to where he couldn't walk, but there was a slight slur and slight stagger. My boys noticed it right off. One son I could tell was mad about it, ate, was rough with the condiments in a show of anger, then retreated upstairs as did all the boys once they were finished eating. My husband OBLIVIOUS to how obvious the boys are feeling.
My husband and I sat in the living room for a little bit just chatting. He seemed a little agitated. No need to bring anything up about his drinking that I know is useless. He then lets me know that his brother will try to come this week to see our sons play ball. Of course, I know what that means and what he is about to try -- wanting to play nice little family. He then asks when he can come home and I told him we talked about this weeks ago. He doesn't remember what I said, or so he claims. So I restate that I need 1 year of him sober and getting help to find out why he has to check out of life and really work on it. He gets angry. Points the finger that I just can't forgive him; he's forgiven himself after all. How nice for him. I told him I forgive but I don't forget and because of that I won't let him back until he does those things successfully. Then for good measure he throws in that if he died tomorrow he would meet his maker with a clean conscience. Good. So would I, and? He then tells me something that makes no sense and I tell him he isn't making sense. So he repeats. I "think" what he was trying to say is that one of us is going to get use to and even like being apart; that one year apart is just too long and he almost made it a year sober. I point out I'm being generous to even agree he was 6 months sober. He starts in on things weren't that bad, not as bad as Im trying to make them out to be. At this point I start crying and told him that he doesn't know how bad things have been, he doesn't know the damage alcoholism has placed on this family, esp our sons because tho he might be here physically there have been no lights on, not to mention how nasty he can be towards me. Somewhere in the mix of the crappy toxic conversation he throws in again that he would be ok if he died tomorrow and it wouldn't be so bad. What?
That ended the conversation. He was silent and so was I. I went to get my haircut/color as planned this evening. He went to his hotel. While getting my hair cut he texts me that he loves me and he is fine...hopes I have a good haircut. HE is fine? What? I'm sitting around worrying if he is fine? Heck no! How about asking if I'm ok? How about APOLOGIZING instead of demanding forgiveness?! How about don't show up at this house if you have had even ONE drink?!
While having my hair done my hairdresser points out that I'm really thinning. I start bawling. I've always had the thickest hair. It really p*sses me off. GREAT. Maybe I'll be bald.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by NWGRITS 
He's still drinking. No point in even talking about these things until he isn't. 
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Aww Katchie, what a tiring and dispiriting evening. I'm sure you won't go bald, and after your reaction I'm also sure the hairdresser won't mention it again.
Stunned by how unconscious your AH is. He really does need to do some work on himself.
Stunned by how unconscious your AH is. He really does need to do some work on himself.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by Katchie
Im sure come tomorrow, should I hear from him, he won't even admit he drank. We will all be the crazy ones.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Riverwood
Posts: 124
Hi Katchie,
I'm glad you checked in I've been thinking about you since your last thread.
I just posted this link in one of Freetosmile's current threads:
Abuse Types and Cycle Wheel - Ashleigh's Patience Project
I hope you find this helpful.
(((Hugs)))
I'm glad you checked in I've been thinking about you since your last thread.
I just posted this link in one of Freetosmile's current threads:
Abuse Types and Cycle Wheel - Ashleigh's Patience Project
I hope you find this helpful.
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Katchie, get your thyroid tested. I was losing hair and eyebrows! It's a simple blood test. My hair loss has stopped since the synthyroid and I'm less draggy. Fingernails are better too.
If you're not taking an good vitamin, try adding one to your diet. I'm feeling much better.
Love from Lenina
If you're not taking an good vitamin, try adding one to your diet. I'm feeling much better.
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 117
Hi Katchie
I have had so many conversations with my AH while he was drinking that turned out badly. I learned a boundary for me. I refuse to talk to him about anything except necessities while he is drinking. If he tries to talk, I just repeat my boundary to him. At first he would get offended but now he just leaves me alone. I can remember so many awful things that the AV has said to me that I avoid hearing that voice speak to me at all costs now.
I have had so many conversations with my AH while he was drinking that turned out badly. I learned a boundary for me. I refuse to talk to him about anything except necessities while he is drinking. If he tries to talk, I just repeat my boundary to him. At first he would get offended but now he just leaves me alone. I can remember so many awful things that the AV has said to me that I avoid hearing that voice speak to me at all costs now.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Ugh, sounds like a pretty unpleasant evening. Those circular conversations with alcoholics are SO draining. So his idea of a reasonable condition of moving back is whether he'd be OK at the Pearly Gates? As long as he isn't going to hell you should take him back?
Sheesh.
Sheesh.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Katchie,
Big hugs to you.
You know what he is at this point. You know the outcome of conversations like that. What might be more beneficial to you is accept who/what he is and make decisions based on that knowledge. Engaging a drunk will not end well.
Sometimes I tried different approaches to get a different result. It NEVER lasted. My mistake was thinking that I had the power to get a different result when my partner did not change himself. I just wasn't that powerful.
Big hugs to you.
You know what he is at this point. You know the outcome of conversations like that. What might be more beneficial to you is accept who/what he is and make decisions based on that knowledge. Engaging a drunk will not end well.
Sometimes I tried different approaches to get a different result. It NEVER lasted. My mistake was thinking that I had the power to get a different result when my partner did not change himself. I just wasn't that powerful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by TalenCrowhaven
Hi Katchie,
I'm glad you checked in I've been thinking about you since your last thread.
I just posted this link in one of Freetosmile's current threads:
Abuse Types and Cycle Wheel - Ashleigh's Patience Project
I hope you find this helpful.
(((Hugs)))
I'm glad you checked in I've been thinking about you since your last thread.
I just posted this link in one of Freetosmile's current threads:
Abuse Types and Cycle Wheel - Ashleigh's Patience Project
I hope you find this helpful.
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by dandylion
Katchie....never, ever, have a "conversation" with someone who is under the influence...
unless you have extra time and energy that you want to waste...because, that is what always happens.
dandylion
unless you have extra time and energy that you want to waste...because, that is what always happens.
dandylion
Somewhere in there I think he says things that he believes but wouldn't say if he were sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by redatlanta
Katchie,
He's delusional.
I'm sorry you have to deal with so much stress. Probably best to continue on with getting your grandmas house ready for the move.
(((hugs)))
He's delusional.
I'm sorry you have to deal with so much stress. Probably best to continue on with getting your grandmas house ready for the move.
(((hugs)))
I had the plumbing finished just yesterday on my g'mothers place. I'm about to order a container for the driveway so I can start cleaning it out.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by Lenina
Katchie, get your thyroid tested. I was losing hair and eyebrows! It's a simple blood test. My hair loss has stopped since the synthyroid and I'm less draggy. Fingernails are better too.
If you're not taking an good vitamin, try adding one to your diet. I'm feeling much better.
Love from Lenina
If you're not taking an good vitamin, try adding one to your diet. I'm feeling much better.
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Oh katchie. I remember those conversations and how utterly draining, frustrating, and crazy making they were. Eventually I started refusing to have them.
My hair fell out like crazy the last 18mos of my marriage. Every day my shower drain was full. That and a few other physical symptoms like chronic yeast infections which I had never had before. Made me insane. My legs itched constantly. I lost 40lbs in the three months after I filed for divorce. I moved into my new house and it all just stopped. Like flipping a switch. Stress is real and my body wouldn't ignore it even if I tried to. I still had plenty of stress but nothing quite that extreme!
My hair fell out like crazy the last 18mos of my marriage. Every day my shower drain was full. That and a few other physical symptoms like chronic yeast infections which I had never had before. Made me insane. My legs itched constantly. I lost 40lbs in the three months after I filed for divorce. I moved into my new house and it all just stopped. Like flipping a switch. Stress is real and my body wouldn't ignore it even if I tried to. I still had plenty of stress but nothing quite that extreme!
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