rcutch

I have been on and off this message board for many years. Often I come just to read and really do a reality check of where I have been and where I choose to be. I have been with my AH for 22 years and I would say approximately 7 of those have been while he is sober. He is about to celebrate 1 year and I am thankful for that. Our challenge at the moment is his sudden need to spend every free moment at meetings, with his sponsor, or with other recovering addicts. His explanation is that they "get him". I find myself getting more and more irritated everyday as I patiently wait for him to come home and devote time to the family. Our marriage has been devastated by his using and my codependency and he tells me that he can't work on that because he needs to work his recovery. I really am just looking for thoughts, feedback, or experiences that others may have gone thru - oddly, I am beginning to feel that same "crazy" feeling I felt when he was using.

Lovenjoy

hi rcutch, nice to 'meet' you and i get the frustration. my qualifier is my son, i'm sure others in a more similar situation will be along.... i relate though and in my experience when my son son gets obsessed with recovery (a good thing!) i found that my illness, codependency, got triggered and i back slid a bit with expectations.

i have had to get back to basics in my own recovery work and detach from his recovery. when i pay too much attention to what he's doing i lose sight of my own well being. when i pay attention to my side of the street things tend to start evening out a bit... does that make sense?!

wishing you both all the best! stick around, i look forward to 'seeing' you and hearing how it goes.

Ann

It's always good to see an old friend here. Would he consider going to marriage counseling with you? His recovery should not shut out his family or fail to address marital issues that need healing. That is an important part of every recovery and to hide in his own meetings is avoiding that which he needs to face. I may be accused of taking his inventory but it's no mystery that amends need to be made.

Maybe the damage can be repaired and maybe it can't, but a failure to even acknowledge that it needs addressing is pure denial on his part.

I hope you two can work through this but however it unfolds please know we are walking with you.

Hugs