Returning2drink

Ok - Question:
If u phone your shrink in the middle of a crisis and BEG for drugs any drugs - - drugs he had previously suggested - but you said no to because you figured you'd handle things with a few bottles of alcohol and finally realised mid crisis that the alcohol wasn't actually working too well ----
but you had to swear and promise to NOT DRINK to get the prescription, how bad would it be to just drink anyway?
It's been eight days on alprazolam and not a drop of alcohol!
The shrink knows I WANT to drink but he says he "trusts me and 'knows' he can trust my promises enough to prescribe this drug"
I know shrinks are clever like that, and I don't want to look him in the eye and tell him I got blind drunk, OR have him give up on me but I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a bottle of something....
I also know benzos with alcohol are apparently not a nice combo in terms of health but I bet it would feel good ......
Integrity vs the BEAST???
I'm leaning toward keeping my promise the more I think about it..... I think I'll leave my post here to remind me.
Hope that's OK......
There's an idea: find a shrink who makes u want to do the "right thing"! Seems to be working for me. At least today!

mfanch

For me, drinking/drugging had absolutely nothing to do with what came out of my mouth. I am an addict. Until I rewire my brain I can make promises all day....but I'm still going to drink. And it was not about "integrity" per se, it was about the fact that I couldn't NOT drink.

I would perhaps find another shrink who specializes in addiction (most would not give an addict benzos.....) and I would get a PLAN and follow the PLAN. Is inpatient an option for you?

Glad you are here.

Dee74

Mixing benzoes with alcohol is much more than 'not a nice combo'...thats way too quaint.

It can be down right dangerous, even deadly.

Keep your promise, ok? We're to back you up

D

Ruby2

Benzos and alcohol can stop your heart. I'm betting dying wasn't what you had in mind when you said it would feel good.

Stick with the promise. Eight days without drinking is good. Keep it going.

Returning2drink

Mfanch - You were right! I didn't keep the promise!

mns1

I don't think mixing any drug with alcohol sounds like a safe idea.

I think you should keep that promise. You can do it R2D!

Returning2drink

Too late Mns1!
Today was long!

mns1

I misread that previous sorry it's early still waking up!

In any case keep trying R2D!

sprout50

Your original post kind of sounds like you are asking for advice on how to drink while on meds and not get caught. I am not suprised that you drank. You seemed to be planning it out.

You have to decide if you truly want to quit drinking. If you do, you need to be completely honest with your Dr. Drinking while on meds can be very dangerous.

Returning2drink

No Sprout50

I really wasn't. I have a lot of respect for the shrink I made the promise to. I wouldn't be alive if he hadn't sat through my stoned or drunken and/or suicidal sessions all
through my horrifying twenties. He got me off all substances and watched me start a family...

He took me back onto his very full list last year after many many years because he is a lovely man and I asked him for help.

When I finish this bottle and wake up tomorrow I will be racked with guilt. I suspect our therapeutic relationship will be terminated when I next see him!

I didn't plan it. I tried ALL day to be worthy of his trust. I read addiction and depression message boards, I slept, I cleaned, I cried, I walked in the fresh air, I volunteered to help do stuff for my kids' dance teacher, I ate real food, I tried everything!

The hopelessness and the urge to drink defeated the Xanax!

That's the truth.

R2D

Dee74

What are you prepared to do not to drink R2D?

D

Returning2drink

I don't know Dee74

I haven't found myself "HAVING" to drink for years!

Taking Xanax was a big admission of defeat! I only decided on that because something happened in the middle of the day and I was terrified i'd get stumbling drunk in front of my kids who've NEVER seen me drunk! I literally had to run to the bus stop and get to the drs office to grab and fill the prescription before I started guzzling alcohol.

Sitting here trying to not open another bottle isn't exactly a high point!

Some idiot part of me seems to think ill just give it up tomorrow!

Thanks for asking.

R2D

headcase1

Benzos & alcohol are what brought me here.Dr. cut way back on my meds because I was taking too many & drinking,& the meds made every beer seem like a giant can.

EndGameNYC

I apologize in advance, Returning2drink, for being so direct, but there are some alarming comments in your OP, particularly within the context of your toying with a deadly combination of chemicals.

I don't know whether you planned to drink or not. What's clear is that you did drink.

Your priorities were misplaced from the start. Instead of focusing on what you could do to remain sober, you got caught up in the integrity of your promises to someone you didn't want to disappoint, placing additional and unnecessary pressure on yourself, and eventually undermining your sobriety. You were more afraid of getting caught than you were of the more serious consequences of your actions. There are many things that are humorous about our drinking, but only in retrospect. Willingly playing around with our health and well being is not one of them.

You seem to have made a game of drinking while on benzos, rather than framing it is a potentially unintended suicide. No one cares about broken promises when the person who breaks the promise dies or suffers irreversible damage by virtue of his breaking the promise.

Keeping promises rarely "feels good." That's why we break them so easily. By lying about our drinking, hiding and minimizing the effects of our drinking, we render our promises meaningless. We trample over other people's trust. That's why breaking them is the ultimate act of bad faith, and why we need not only to put down the drink, but to change our lives, change ourselves, in order to achieve sobriety.

You chose to take a shortcut because you wanted to "feel good," and you now and will forever suffer the consequences of your decision until you get serious about your sobriety.

Finding "a shrink who makes u want to do the right thing" is not enough. You subvert your own sobriety by placing the responsibility for your thinking and your actions on someone else. This has clearly not worked for you, and it doesn't seem to matter whether or not your "shrink" made you "want to do the right thing" or not. You drank and, as you wrote, you've gone through this scenario with the same results on several occasions across many years. Why should your most recent episode be any different?

Life is hard. "Feeling good" -- maximizing pleasure and avoiding pain -- as a goal in life is a dangerous strategy for people who struggle with addictions, and which, for many of us, is the very thing that got us in trouble in the first place.

Put down the drink. Then you can start exploring with your shrink why it is that you reliably choose the more self-destructive path, and how it is that it became so easy for you to break your promises to yourself, how it is that you "lean toward keeping" your promises, rather than taking the necessary actions in order to save yourself.

Soberwolf

This

Dee74

I asked because you don't seem to have any kind of plan?

Taking alprazolam is not a plan. Making promises to Psychiatrists is not a plan either.

There are things you could do - AA or some other recovery groups, outpatient or inpatient rehab - but frankly nothing will work until you decide to stop drinking.

Like others here, I'm worried for you - really worried.
D

Returning2drink

Correct - EndGameNYC.
All true.
I think part of me does want to die. Hence the risk taking....
Irresponsible and immature....
Can't undrink it now though... And I suspect I'll live to see another day!
I appreciate yr directness!
R2D

leviathan

R2D. maybe you can stay on with the shrink and also get a referral to an addiction specialist.

i took the alcohol benzo ride. disaster.

it took a couple of months to get to the point where i actually knew how bad my anxiety was without any self-med. turns out, i can deal with it. a few strategies once in a while, and paying attention to my health seems to do the trick.

every dose has a rebound. thats how i look at it. anyone who takes alc. or benzos regularly will have anxiety levels way above norm when they stop.

if youre gonna drink, flush the pills. if youre going to medicate, flush the booze. the combination has NOTHING good in store for you.

SarahB60

Benzos+alcohol = death. Taking an CNS depressant plus another CNS depressant is deadly. Taking just "one more pill" can stop your breathing, Then your lungs fill with fluid and the heart stops. You won't know all this is happening, because you'll be in a deep sleep.

My son accidently died from a deadly painkiller/alcohol combo. It's so easy to go over the edge. There's a thin line between life and death. DON'T MIX unless you want to play around with death.

sprout50

R2D, Wasn't on yesterday but wanted to come back to your thread and see how you are doing. I posted what I did because I know how the AV works-remember, I have an AV too. EndGameNyc said a lot of what I was thinking much better than I did.

Come clean with your DR and find a plan that works for you. Although my post might have seemed harsh, it wasn't meant to be. I am in your corner and I know you can do this.