knowthetriggers

This was a decent weekend. For the first time in a long time I did not allow myself to become overpowered by my thoughts of my AH husband. He is quite functional, in fact, it amazes me just how functional he is. However, I will not be fooled - I accept the fact that I am married to a functional AH. I accept that I cannot change him but I can and will work very hard to change my attitude and reactions.
Short story - the girls and I were running a little late this morning. I was just a part of the lateness as they were. But I belted out "Why don't you have your book bag ready or your shoes on, you will make me late. etc.....". My youngest apologized first when I dropped her off and my heart sank. I told her "Thank you but Mom was running late also and I should not have yelled at you."
Off I went - had to run to get my oldest child to school - I was so focused on getting to work I almost missed our turn. She calls out "Mom, you turn here". I follow up with "Sorry, I am late" and she follows with "Sorry I made you late this morning". Again, my heart sank. I told her that it was all of us running late and that I was sorry for yelling, in fact I was sorry for the bad attitude I had lately and that I am working really hard to not be so snippy. Bless their hearts....this is why I need to be here.
I am working very hard to rid myself of the need to control everything around me.

FireSprite

I make mistakes like this too - A LOT during my early recovery days. Sometimes a situation like this would eat me up all day after I dropped DD off, I would be so ashamed at my behavior.

Like you, I learned that apologizing to DD face-to-face & explaining myself honestly helped tremendously. It was HARD to do that the first time, which showed me just how far out of balance my behavior was from what I intended it to be.

((((HUGS)))) 99/100 times I found that DD had more compassion & understanding of my "moment" than I did myself.

knowthetriggers

Thanks FireSprite - yes it was HARD. What is sad that I was in a better place once and it was not so hard but I have fallen again and now trying to drag myself up back to that "Place" where it won't be so hard.

ladyscribbler

Ugh, the morning scramble is when I am most likely to have a big codie meltdown. I have learned to let the chips fall where they may in most things, but I have a deeply engrained obsession with punctuality.
I'm right there with you Ktt, and I suspect we're not the only ones. I bet even "normie" moms have their share of a.m. meltdowns. I think that's just part of family life. At least you have the awareness to work on it. Progress, not perfection.
Big hugs to you.

FireSprite

Well, if we are losing points for imperfection then I'm really behind in this recovery game!

Don't be so hard on yourself!! Even when I'm on my game in the majority of ways I still have bad days when my temper, patience & self-awareness are Short & my attitude & entitlement are Tall. And I agree that mornings test a mother's patience more than any other time of day.

It's not about the falling down, it's about the picking yourself back up again! (((HUGS)))

Katchie

Before I started going to Alanon and CR, and before I had a circle of friends that I could share with, journaling, etc., I would often snap at my kids too. Getting all of that anger out, facing what was going on in my life instead of denying reality, stopping the emotional stuffing, and being open with the boys has really softened me making my relationship with the boys much better.

I hope you have many outlets!

hopeful4

You know what, it is also just a part of parenting. Your kids won't even remember you yelled at them about something silly, what they will remember is your ability to say you are sorry. No one, including children, expect perfection.

This happened to me a bit last night. My little DD keeps rearranging her bedroom. Yesterday she told me to come in and she had arranged her dresser half way over the window, and there were power cords everywhere. And...we just got her tv that she got for Xmas all hooked up and there was something wrong with the programming which I don't know how to fix. I had to take off work to have the guy there to set it up in the first place just a couple of days ago.

So....(saying with shame), I had a total melt down. My poor little daughter just said she was sorry and she would move it all back. I helped her with the cords and went out of the room for a bit. I came back up, sat beside her, grabbed her hands, and told her I think her room looks great no matter how it's set up b/c she has fab taste, that I was having a mommy melt down and that I am truly sorry. I googled the TV issue and got it fixed with the push of a couple of buttons, and all is well. I am ashamed of myself.

I can only blame myself for this. However, I know my little girl knew I was sorry, and I am hoping that when she is wrong for something, as she will be at some point in her future, that she knows to say she is sorry too.

Sometimes we just have to give ourselves a break and instead of replaying the guilt over and over, figure out what triggered it and make it a better day the next day!

PS....We are always late in the mornings and it usto really trip my trigger. It has gotten a lot better with some work.

Tight hugs!

knowthetriggers

Hmmmm...that is a good statement. I have to wonder if my AH reacts the same to my outbursts and I have yet to recognize that. My words can be harsh. And I will admit - it is not just the kids that will get a good flogging. But he does not raise his voice to me, ever... WOW - I need to stop and think before I react!