supermavis

I guess that sums it up! I am an emotional wreck! Every little thing makes me cry (I've always been a crier, no one wants to watch sad movies with me!) but this is way worse. I spent most of last night leading up to midnight in bed sobbing over my family situation, a situation 20 years long, that has steadily destroyed my Mother emotionally, financially and physically. Sad that my sister and niece have robbed my Mom of having a life free of pain, of being taken advantage of, robbed, neglected and manipulated. Of ever having a moment's peace, her home to herself not being destroyed by out of control pets they bring in or dealer friends they bring in. She's raised me and my sister, my niece and now she's helping raise and house my niece's little boys. She worked 2 jobs up until this past Fall, and she's pushing 70 years old. Finally retired but they continue to use her home, her car, steal money from her etc. I know my Mom is tremendously co-dependent, and when I try to talk to her about it she gets upset at me. My Dad passed away in 2008 and was her best friend (they divorced in the 80s, but remained very close). I'm 100 miles away and can't do much about how they treat her, talking to her or them changes nothing and just gets ugly. It's been breaking my heart for 20 years (which certainly contributed to my steady decent into the bottle to hide from the pain of this loss of "family").

Now that I'm nearly 2 weeks sober I can't stop thinking about it. My Mom has COPD and is weak and they treat her horribly and I can't fix it. I think she's given up and just numbed herself to it somehow and accepted it. So I cry and cry, for the loss of my sister as a sister years and years ago to drugs and mental illness. For the loss of her 3 kids, all removed from her care and in other homes (aside from her oldest, my niece, that my Mom raised). For the loss of my Dad. For the loss of my Mom, drowning in this. For the loss of the family unit I grew up with, the traditions, the love and security...and that I don't have that to share with my own daughter. I somehow always thought going to Grandma's house would be for my daughter what it was for me growing up, but it's not and never ever will be.

And so I cry and cry, and want to numb but I don't. I just cry. Hard. And every little thing sets me off, memories are so crisp and clear now and I cannot stop looking at how things have turned out, how they've been now for 20 years, and not sob.

I'm happy with my sobriety. Ecstatic. I'm eating healthy and finally shook the flu, losing weight, physically feeling great. But my heart is raw and hurts and I don't know how to find peace.

Inchworm

My emotions were all over the place, too, for a while after quitting. Everything looked so bleak for a time. All those feelings I had numbed out returned in full force. It has evened out for me now. You know, you cannot fix other people's lives. They have to do that for themselves and it only makes us crazy trying to fix something that we do not have the power to fix. Accept that your mother is fully capable of making her own choices.

Please let us know how things are going and.....congratulations on your 12 days!!

supermavis

My brain knows it, but my heart is not playing along! My heart hasn't had much attention for a looong time. I did talk to my Mom on the phone and asked her if she IS happy, if I'm substituting what I *think* should make her happy for what really does. She laughed at me and said she's fine, not thrilled with my niece and sister but she's happy and gets up every morning with the goal of being so. She's a pretty tough woman. I'm maybe overthinking things (because I CAN for a change!). I will dial it back.

Thank you! I geniunely didn't think I'd ever see 7 days, let alone 12. I guess I'll take some weepy moments!

Soberwolf

Hi Supermavis im really sorry about the way your mum is getting treated maybe make a plan to go visit ?

in the meantime know that your doing exellent on day 12 that is so good

lean on us for support 24/7 and its ok to cry to let it out sometimes

Hevyn

I was very emotional superm - everything set me off too. It all got better though - one day I was just calmer and more positive. It's a huge adjustment we're making - you will get there.

ShenzyT

Awh, hun - sending you a big hug.
It's a tough situation.
Emotions are all over the place when we quit drinking.
Xxxx

supermavis

They really are. I'm glad to have them back, though. I feel so much closer to my daughter and husband! Feeling is good.

venuscat

It sounds like a really hard situation, and I'm not surprised you are worried about your mum, and upset by the behaviour of those treating her badly. I only know from my own experience that the longer we are sober, the more we are able to help.

Even if that means just being there for her to talk to.

As for crying, I was the biggest crier on the planet...I am getting stronger.

Love Venus xx

Della1968

I am only at 19 days but already much better than last week. I was like a faucet and I rarely cry. Someone said how they hadn't seen me this good in a long time and I sobbed. Watched CNN sobbed. It's very difficult when you start feeling again. Hope you feel better soon.

Rina

Getting sober is an emotional roller coaster. U are doing awesome! Stay the course. We are here to support u!

Mikie9

So cry! I do over things that make me cry and Hell i am a 42 yr old man lol Get the emotion out first. If crying isn't how you want to, go kick the heck out of a punching bag!

Either way, it is ok to feel and react, looks like progress in my life now

beach20

My therapist said that crying is over-rated and to cry as often as you want to!!!!
Your tears are God raining love on you!

Hereandnow2

I cried daily for sixty days straight! I have lots of family stuff too and found that through active sobriety, for me AA, I am able to cope, distance, and handle these pains so much better now. I feel for you, those early days are just so hard bc we are not used to dealing with that pain.

supermavis

Thanks all of you for the thoughts and encouragement! Getting a little better at not allowing myself to fall down the hole of despair....dangerous direction to go for me. Some crying is good, some is just draining and unhealthy. Starting back to working out today to keep the momentum going in a good direction. I have a lot in my life to be happy about and am lucky I haven't lost it all. I'm focusing on that, and breathing new life into it.

Soberwolf

Way to go supermavis