bad luck, ran into XABF
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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bad luck, ran into XABF
I was with my family, we went to buy tonight's dinner, and I saw him walking down the street with a gorgeous girl, they had beers on a bag. It hurted a lot.
it also made me see inside myself... I somehow value myself trough my looks.
I dunno why, I guess it has to do with the fact that I have never felt beautiful.
...sorry for the vent. I think it is good to be honest about myself.
I think it will be a long way for me to be healthy and happy.
Happy holidays for all. You have been amazing to me.
it also made me see inside myself... I somehow value myself trough my looks.
I dunno why, I guess it has to do with the fact that I have never felt beautiful.
...sorry for the vent. I think it is good to be honest about myself.
I think it will be a long way for me to be healthy and happy.
Happy holidays for all. You have been amazing to me.
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So look at it from this perspective: There you were, with your family, on your way to a Christmas season dinner with joy and laughs. And there he was, hauling home a pack of beer and some woman whose name he won't remember in the morning.
You really got the better deal, my friend. (((hugs)))
You really got the better deal, my friend. (((hugs)))
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I've seen a few posts like this and refrained from commenting, but hey, it's Christmas Eve and Santa needs to vent.
It's not any easier when your replacement is a dumpster fire. My ex has married his morbidly obese, mentally unstable aunt and is currently trying to rub their relationship in my face as evidence that he's moved on and is over me. I laugh about it, but then I feel kind of mean afterward. This woman is so jealously protective of their "love" that she won't let him talk to his own mother without chaperoning the conversation.
I did send them a congratulatory card containing the finest, most flowery prose available in the Dollar Tree. It even had a bible verse on it. Something from Ephesians, I believe. Very classy, as befits such an occasion. Enclosed was a $10 gift card for the same store. They weren't registered anywhere as far as I knew, so it seemed appropriate.
While I suspect I was the only one congratulating them on this abomination, I didn't get so much as an acknowledgement, much less a thank you. Oh well. I did it for me, not anyone else.
Anyway, don't read too much into his little hookup. Alcoholics need enablers and caretakers. They will literally do anything in order to feed their disease. Anything.
It's not any easier when your replacement is a dumpster fire. My ex has married his morbidly obese, mentally unstable aunt and is currently trying to rub their relationship in my face as evidence that he's moved on and is over me. I laugh about it, but then I feel kind of mean afterward. This woman is so jealously protective of their "love" that she won't let him talk to his own mother without chaperoning the conversation.
I did send them a congratulatory card containing the finest, most flowery prose available in the Dollar Tree. It even had a bible verse on it. Something from Ephesians, I believe. Very classy, as befits such an occasion. Enclosed was a $10 gift card for the same store. They weren't registered anywhere as far as I knew, so it seemed appropriate.
While I suspect I was the only one congratulating them on this abomination, I didn't get so much as an acknowledgement, much less a thank you. Oh well. I did it for me, not anyone else.
Anyway, don't read too much into his little hookup. Alcoholics need enablers and caretakers. They will literally do anything in order to feed their disease. Anything.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 21
I agree. My AH brought home the neighborhood skank one time and told me she was better than me and she gave him what he needed- a drinking buddy.
Needless to say he was mortified when he was sobered and she is no infer welcome in my home. (And no worries I threw her out that night!)
You will have a wonderful loving Christmas with your family. He will have a drunken Christmas full of depression and hang overs.
Needless to say he was mortified when he was sobered and she is no infer welcome in my home. (And no worries I threw her out that night!)
You will have a wonderful loving Christmas with your family. He will have a drunken Christmas full of depression and hang overs.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
ladyscribbler......Thank You! Your post gave me the best laugh I have had in a long time.
It had me down on my knees, laughing. I had tears in my eyes from laughing.
You should do comedy writing. Write something!
The next time that I want to get even with someone who has done me wrong---Can I pleeease come to you for some ideas? Also, I have a dollar tree about 2blocks from my house). I love that place.
LOL!
dandylion
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler 
I've seen a few posts like this and refrained from commenting, but hey, it's Christmas Eve and Santa needs to vent.
It's not any easier when your replacement is a dumpster fire. My ex has married his morbidly obese, mentally unstable aunt and is currently trying to rub their relationship in my face as evidence that he's moved on and is over me. I laugh about it, but then I feel kind of mean afterward. This woman is so jealously protective of their "love" that she won't let him talk to his own mother without chaperoning the conversation.
I did send them a congratulatory card containing the finest, most flowery prose available in the Dollar Tree. It even had a bible verse on it. Something from Ephesians, I believe. Very classy, as befits such an occasion. Enclosed was a $10 gift card for the same store. They weren't registered anywhere as far as I knew, so it seemed appropriate.
While I suspect I was the only one congratulating them on this abomination, I didn't get so much as an acknowledgement, much less a thank you. Oh well. I did it for me, not anyone else.
Anyway, don't read too much into his little hookup. Alcoholics need enablers and caretakers. They will literally do anything in order to feed their disease. Anything.
It's not any easier when your replacement is a dumpster fire. My ex has married his morbidly obese, mentally unstable aunt and is currently trying to rub their relationship in my face as evidence that he's moved on and is over me. I laugh about it, but then I feel kind of mean afterward. This woman is so jealously protective of their "love" that she won't let him talk to his own mother without chaperoning the conversation.
I did send them a congratulatory card containing the finest, most flowery prose available in the Dollar Tree. It even had a bible verse on it. Something from Ephesians, I believe. Very classy, as befits such an occasion. Enclosed was a $10 gift card for the same store. They weren't registered anywhere as far as I knew, so it seemed appropriate.
While I suspect I was the only one congratulating them on this abomination, I didn't get so much as an acknowledgement, much less a thank you. Oh well. I did it for me, not anyone else.
Anyway, don't read too much into his little hookup. Alcoholics need enablers and caretakers. They will literally do anything in order to feed their disease. Anything.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by Fandy
I did not think it was LEGAL to marry your Aunt?
I do love the gift certificate to the Dollar Tree idea....I may need that one sometime. (I didn't know they had gift certificates either).
I do love the gift certificate to the Dollar Tree idea....I may need that one sometime. (I didn't know they had gift certificates either).
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Yes, she is beautiful. She is known in my town for that, and for smoking marijuana.
I don't even smoke cigarrettes... I guess I am not really compatible with my ex, that seems a great thing.
I have to address my low self esteem soon.
I was overweighted as a child but nowadays I am very skinny, it took many effort to do so and now it's really easy for me to maintain that, eating healthy and exercising everyday.
But my personality still seems affected for this. I need to feel good about myself. The whole thing with XABF makes it just a little harder...
I mean, who am I kidding? Since we broke up he has dated several girls (including the ex he claimed to hate) for short periods of time. All of them drink and many of them like to do marijuana.
...
Ladyscribbler... that thing about marrying his aunt is very disturbing. But... good for you wishing them the best.
I don't even smoke cigarrettes... I guess I am not really compatible with my ex, that seems a great thing.
I have to address my low self esteem soon.
I was overweighted as a child but nowadays I am very skinny, it took many effort to do so and now it's really easy for me to maintain that, eating healthy and exercising everyday.
But my personality still seems affected for this. I need to feel good about myself. The whole thing with XABF makes it just a little harder...
I mean, who am I kidding? Since we broke up he has dated several girls (including the ex he claimed to hate) for short periods of time. All of them drink and many of them like to do marijuana.
...
Ladyscribbler... that thing about marrying his aunt is very disturbing. But... good for you wishing them the best.
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I saw your title and it reminded me of an old joke.
I ran into my ex and he was still moving so I backed up and ran into him again.
By all accounts, your ex has bad habits you don't want in your life. Good for you making the wise choice and getting him out of your life
I ran into my ex and he was still moving so I backed up and ran into him again.
By all accounts, your ex has bad habits you don't want in your life. Good for you making the wise choice and getting him out of your life
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I have to address my low self esteem soon.
I was overweighted as a child but nowadays I am very skinny, it took many effort to do so and now it's really easy for me to maintain that, eating healthy and exercising everyday.
But my personality still seems affected for this. I need to feel good about myself. The whole thing with XABF makes it just a little harder...
I was overweighted as a child but nowadays I am very skinny, it took many effort to do so and now it's really easy for me to maintain that, eating healthy and exercising everyday.
But my personality still seems affected for this. I need to feel good about myself. The whole thing with XABF makes it just a little harder...
And Ladyscribbler? I was howling with laughter. Boy howdy, I love how you handled that!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
TTH- I agree we all have self esteem issues on these pages. But its not always about looks. Its about confidence and self respect. If we have enough strength to leave the A's in our life for a better life, in my mind that is beautiful in its self. We can hold our head up high that we have made a difference in our lives for our kids. That is beautiful.
There is a lot of beauty out there that is not only on the outside. TTH you are an amazing person. Count your blessings that you are not living the hxll that it was, with your drinking partner. Let him drag and destroy someone else self esteem, you deserve much better.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
There is a lot of beauty out there that is not only on the outside. TTH you are an amazing person. Count your blessings that you are not living the hxll that it was, with your drinking partner. Let him drag and destroy someone else self esteem, you deserve much better.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
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Posts: 390
While I don't want him to keep on destroying himself and others, I think it was good to say good bye.
He was going to leave me for some other girl anyways.
I don't want nor need or deserve that...
Thank you, maia.
He was going to leave me for some other girl anyways.
I don't want nor need or deserve that...
Thank you, maia.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi timetoheal12
I lived something similar back in 2008.
I don't wish for ANYONE to be around an active alcoholic. It's a very real disease. It can't go on without enablers. It's a downward spiral.
After the breakup with you, this man could have taken a moment to see what he did wrong (like any healthy person after a breakup) but no he didn't and he is still drinking so that's evidence he is not getting any better anytime soon. It WILL get worse. You don't want to be around that.
No need to wish something bad for that woman. She drinks, she is not in the company of a good person either. I feel bad for her, really - she might be an alcoholic herself or is on her way to become that.
Imagine the hell of two alcoholics together. It's "fun" only for them or for people who are only social drinkers and don't know about alcoholism. In reality, it's a very sad spectacle.
Now you have freedom and a chance to heal, learn and grow. You are honest with yourself and that takes courage.
You are a unique person, complete in yourself. You got your own path. You got your own story to write. In some sense the new enablers (because they are pawns and enablers, not women who are cherished and loved, as our imagination wants us to believe) are angels, they make sure WE take a different path, a path that gets you to a sane world, where there is light, friendship, true connections and nourishing love.
Although I know how much it hurts to mourn an ex, and more so, an alcoholic ex, it is way worse to keep the merry go round.
Believe me if I healed from that, you will, too!! -HUGS-
Tc999
I lived something similar back in 2008.
I don't wish for ANYONE to be around an active alcoholic. It's a very real disease. It can't go on without enablers. It's a downward spiral.
After the breakup with you, this man could have taken a moment to see what he did wrong (like any healthy person after a breakup) but no he didn't and he is still drinking so that's evidence he is not getting any better anytime soon. It WILL get worse. You don't want to be around that.
No need to wish something bad for that woman. She drinks, she is not in the company of a good person either. I feel bad for her, really - she might be an alcoholic herself or is on her way to become that.
Imagine the hell of two alcoholics together. It's "fun" only for them or for people who are only social drinkers and don't know about alcoholism. In reality, it's a very sad spectacle.
Now you have freedom and a chance to heal, learn and grow. You are honest with yourself and that takes courage.
You are a unique person, complete in yourself. You got your own path. You got your own story to write. In some sense the new enablers (because they are pawns and enablers, not women who are cherished and loved, as our imagination wants us to believe) are angels, they make sure WE take a different path, a path that gets you to a sane world, where there is light, friendship, true connections and nourishing love.
Although I know how much it hurts to mourn an ex, and more so, an alcoholic ex, it is way worse to keep the merry go round.
Believe me if I healed from that, you will, too!! -HUGS-
Tc999
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
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I just saw my RXBF's new girlfriend/roommate in family pictures on Facebook. We never got to spend Christmas together or move in together, and I'm pretty sure he's known this girl no more than a couple months, if that.
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Even though my exhole has been gone for years, it still stung a bit to see the new gf pop up on his FB page. And then I met her. And then she tried killing herself while my children were in the house because he wouldn't choose her over them (although he kind of did - he sent the kids to stay with his mom for the rest of summer vacation and let the gf stay in the house with him.). Anyway, even though she's a terrible person and is three times the size of me (and I'm not thin, but not obese), it still gets me sometimes. AND I'M THE ONE WHO REMARRIED. I think that where it gets my self-esteem is "If he's attracted to THAT, then what does that make me?" It's ridiculous, but I get it.
His new gf may have the looks, but that can only get a person so far. Apparently the space between her ears isn't nearly as attractive. (((Hugs)))
His new gf may have the looks, but that can only get a person so far. Apparently the space between her ears isn't nearly as attractive. (((Hugs)))
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Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
Hi timetoheal12
I lived something similar back in 2008.
I don't wish for ANYONE to be around an active alcoholic. It's a very real disease. It can't go on without enablers. It's a downward spiral.
After the breakup with you, this man could have taken a moment to see what he did wrong (like any healthy person after a breakup) but no he didn't and he is still drinking so that's evidence he is not getting any better anytime soon. It WILL get worse. You don't want to be around that.
No need to wish something bad for that woman. She drinks, she is not in the company of a good person either. I feel bad for her, really - she might be an alcoholic herself or is on her way to become that.
Imagine the hell of two alcoholics together. It's "fun" only for them or for people who are only social drinkers and don't know about alcoholism. In reality, it's a very sad spectacle.
Now you have freedom and a chance to heal, learn and grow. You are honest with yourself and that takes courage.
You are a unique person, complete in yourself. You got your own path. You got your own story to write. In some sense the new enablers (because they are pawns and enablers, not women who are cherished and loved, as our imagination wants us to believe) are angels, they make sure WE take a different path, a path that gets you to a sane world, where there is light, friendship, true connections and nourishing love.
Although I know how much it hurts to mourn an ex, and more so, an alcoholic ex, it is way worse to keep the merry go round.
Believe me if I healed from that, you will, too!! -HUGS-
Tc999
I lived something similar back in 2008.
I don't wish for ANYONE to be around an active alcoholic. It's a very real disease. It can't go on without enablers. It's a downward spiral.
After the breakup with you, this man could have taken a moment to see what he did wrong (like any healthy person after a breakup) but no he didn't and he is still drinking so that's evidence he is not getting any better anytime soon. It WILL get worse. You don't want to be around that.
No need to wish something bad for that woman. She drinks, she is not in the company of a good person either. I feel bad for her, really - she might be an alcoholic herself or is on her way to become that.
Imagine the hell of two alcoholics together. It's "fun" only for them or for people who are only social drinkers and don't know about alcoholism. In reality, it's a very sad spectacle.
Now you have freedom and a chance to heal, learn and grow. You are honest with yourself and that takes courage.
You are a unique person, complete in yourself. You got your own path. You got your own story to write. In some sense the new enablers (because they are pawns and enablers, not women who are cherished and loved, as our imagination wants us to believe) are angels, they make sure WE take a different path, a path that gets you to a sane world, where there is light, friendship, true connections and nourishing love.
Although I know how much it hurts to mourn an ex, and more so, an alcoholic ex, it is way worse to keep the merry go round.
Believe me if I healed from that, you will, too!! -HUGS-
Tc999
You're so very right, TC999. After he broke up with me, he did exactly the same thing that he said he wasn't going to do anymore: sleep with his ex.
He said he never cheated on me, bla bla... I highly doubt it TBH.
He seems like he lacks conscience, guilt, remorse....
I dunno if he is a typical alcoholic or if he is far worse than that. I just know it hurts a lot to be played with the way he did with me.
I hope I can do better with myself in the future. Thank you.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Originally Posted by NWGRITS
Even though my exhole has been gone for years, it still stung a bit to see the new gf pop up on his FB page. And then I met her. And then she tried killing herself while my children were in the house because he wouldn't choose her over them (although he kind of did - he sent the kids to stay with his mom for the rest of summer vacation and let the gf stay in the house with him.). Anyway, even though she's a terrible person and is three times the size of me (and I'm not thin, but not obese), it still gets me sometimes. AND I'M THE ONE WHO REMARRIED. I think that where it gets my self-esteem is "If he's attracted to THAT, then what does that make me?" It's ridiculous, but I get it.
His new gf may have the looks, but that can only get a person so far. Apparently the space between her ears isn't nearly as attractive. (((Hugs)))
His new gf may have the looks, but that can only get a person so far. Apparently the space between her ears isn't nearly as attractive. (((Hugs)))
So, to see him with such a gorgeous person, and to think about all the times he humiliated me... it is sad.
It also saddens me, the fact that he said he really did loved me. To me, it doesn't seem at all like he did.
I don't cheat then blame people I love.
I don't abuse them, nor insult them...
I mean, my love isn't perfect, I'm neither. But, when we were together he said he didn't wanted to do anything with his ex because she cheated on him with one of his friends, but he messaged her on her birthday.... he said he never cheated on me.... Idk.
I would be glad if I could know that he did. But I can't know it.
I once tried to talk to her and she ignored me.
I just feel like a fool.
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