surge of motivation, giving this another shot
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 30
surge of motivation, giving this another shot
So I have been here almost a year, trying to get sober, in that time I have burned through jobs and friendships in every corner of the US, been homeless in numerous cities, sleeping behind department stores and in city parks flying signs to get high gravity beer.. and somehow my blessings have once again pulled me off the street, into a better situation and a job cooking at a ski resort. I have been semi functionally drinking, no crash and burns this time and want to quit while Im "ahead" so to speak..
also, the fact that today is winter solstice I feel there is a lot of potential in the stars right now for change, and although I am feeling effects of withdrawal I am feeling a surge of positive motivation today. my last drink was yesterday morning on the chairlift. it has not been established yet (in this town LOL) that I am a potential skidrow drunk, or my cringeworthy drunken past behavior.. which is a good thing. right now is still the honeymoon phase, you all know exactly what im talking about, and thats why I wish to quit NOW while I still can save some dignity, I REALLY cant mess this one up.. gods been patient with me and I want to show that I can really do this.
my reasons for wanting sobriety are:
im sick and tired of the withdrawal, bleak outlook on existence during withdrawal, and the following useless anxiety that renders my personality unrecognizable. its seriously just getting old.
I want to live a clear, healthy lifestyle and live this life to the absolute fullest. theres so much cooler things to do with our time here than drink.
IM 26 and still in decent health, recent blood tests show my liver is still in relatively good shape (how the..??!) and I have learned that I cannot snowboard at all when im drunk!! its pathetic!!
IM SO TIRED of having to debate breakfast vs a drink in the morning. Im so tired of perceiving food as bad because it kills my buzz, and having zero food in the fridge because I spent it all on alcohol. im surviving on eggs and a few old bananas at the moment and I dont get paid til FRIDAY.
last but definitely not least.. im having a daughter in TWO months. I got to get my **** together man, life just got real!!!
MY CHALLENGES
I work at a bar in a ski town, enough said
my neighbors and coworkers are all amazing people but most drink, party etc
after 13 years of drinking I feel so used to the feeling, the lifestyle, the not giving a **** attitude of drinking, im certain I will feel like a fish out of water for a while.
my plan of action
find AA groups in wyoming area, til then regularly stay posted with you lovely folks
start EATING regularly again and excercising, on top of snowboarding, and taking vitamins to help renourish what ive lost during these last binders. also, staying the hell away from big pharma medications, anxiety pills, ativans etc.
self discipline. I will not give in to addictive behaviours including mindless sexual behaviours, so sexual abstinence *for me* is a must for the first ninety days at least.
pray. meditation. reflection. spiritual reading, documentaries, or even looking at hubble space pictures to remind myself how blessed I am to exist all in this universe, and how stupid I have to be to drink this blessing away.
well there you have it. for day one im feeling pretty solid about this, hope thats a good sign for a good start, not just calm before the storm.
wish me luck!
also, the fact that today is winter solstice I feel there is a lot of potential in the stars right now for change, and although I am feeling effects of withdrawal I am feeling a surge of positive motivation today. my last drink was yesterday morning on the chairlift. it has not been established yet (in this town LOL) that I am a potential skidrow drunk, or my cringeworthy drunken past behavior.. which is a good thing. right now is still the honeymoon phase, you all know exactly what im talking about, and thats why I wish to quit NOW while I still can save some dignity, I REALLY cant mess this one up.. gods been patient with me and I want to show that I can really do this.
my reasons for wanting sobriety are:
im sick and tired of the withdrawal, bleak outlook on existence during withdrawal, and the following useless anxiety that renders my personality unrecognizable. its seriously just getting old.
I want to live a clear, healthy lifestyle and live this life to the absolute fullest. theres so much cooler things to do with our time here than drink.
IM 26 and still in decent health, recent blood tests show my liver is still in relatively good shape (how the..??!) and I have learned that I cannot snowboard at all when im drunk!! its pathetic!!
IM SO TIRED of having to debate breakfast vs a drink in the morning. Im so tired of perceiving food as bad because it kills my buzz, and having zero food in the fridge because I spent it all on alcohol. im surviving on eggs and a few old bananas at the moment and I dont get paid til FRIDAY.
last but definitely not least.. im having a daughter in TWO months. I got to get my **** together man, life just got real!!!
MY CHALLENGES
I work at a bar in a ski town, enough said
my neighbors and coworkers are all amazing people but most drink, party etc
after 13 years of drinking I feel so used to the feeling, the lifestyle, the not giving a **** attitude of drinking, im certain I will feel like a fish out of water for a while.
my plan of action
find AA groups in wyoming area, til then regularly stay posted with you lovely folks
start EATING regularly again and excercising, on top of snowboarding, and taking vitamins to help renourish what ive lost during these last binders. also, staying the hell away from big pharma medications, anxiety pills, ativans etc.
self discipline. I will not give in to addictive behaviours including mindless sexual behaviours, so sexual abstinence *for me* is a must for the first ninety days at least.
pray. meditation. reflection. spiritual reading, documentaries, or even looking at hubble space pictures to remind myself how blessed I am to exist all in this universe, and how stupid I have to be to drink this blessing away.
well there you have it. for day one im feeling pretty solid about this, hope thats a good sign for a good start, not just calm before the storm.
wish me luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 884
Hey sectownkid! Welcome and good for you to make the decision to stop drinking. I like you am 26 (or will be on new year's eve) so I think it's great that we are determined to get our lives together while we still have so much life to live. Congrats on becoming a dad! I'm sure that is both exciting and scary but it does give you an extra push to do what it takes.
While I can't offer much advice as I'm only 10 days in, I can tell you I believe in you that you are capable of doing this. Stick close to SR. There are a lot of great people and they provide excellent advice!
While I can't offer much advice as I'm only 10 days in, I can tell you I believe in you that you are capable of doing this. Stick close to SR. There are a lot of great people and they provide excellent advice!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
G'day
Man, you are living the dream.
Cooking at a ski resort and able to board when you aren't working etc.
Half your luck
Don't screw it up!!!
AA has helped me out heaps, just make sure you have a shot at the program / steps.
Meetings are good, but won't keep you sober by themselves.
Good luck with your sobriety
Man, you are living the dream.
Cooking at a ski resort and able to board when you aren't working etc.
Half your luck
Don't screw it up!!!
AA has helped me out heaps, just make sure you have a shot at the program / steps.
Meetings are good, but won't keep you sober by themselves.
Good luck with your sobriety
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I saw the line that says you are about to become a father. Congrats!
The rest is also important, but I would most definitely get geared up if you plan to be a father and active in parenthood. Good luck!
The rest is also important, but I would most definitely get geared up if you plan to be a father and active in parenthood. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 30
yes I am increasingly awware I need to get my ass in gear. quitting now is the most important thing because I cant even take care of myself when Im drunk, the worst feeling in the world Im sure of is being unable to provide diapers and proper care to your child because youre drunk and spending money on alcohol. I already lost my first son (just turned eight on the 13th) and he is now calling someone else dad. I cannot screw this up again. I feel like Im at a turning point looking down both avenues of extremes, I can either get real this time and live a challenging, but wholesome and rewarding life of take the easy way out and live a life of perpetual hangovers, anxiety and broken dreams. it took me long enough to realize this now its time to REALize it!
im concerned for new years, ive been invited to a get together with my chilean neighbors and they are great people but I have learned how "one more times" simply dont work. I also dont want to offend them by not showing.. but obviously my life is more important. motivation to quit like this is rare for me so im running with it.. no time to self doubt or rationalize social drinking now its never helped me before.
I am also worried about, and this is what always gets me- that quick instant when someone pours a shot or offers a beer and its like something automatic insides me says, hell yeah! even when I was just thinking about how I can never drink again. any advice for those moments, and how did you guys overcome it?
im concerned for new years, ive been invited to a get together with my chilean neighbors and they are great people but I have learned how "one more times" simply dont work. I also dont want to offend them by not showing.. but obviously my life is more important. motivation to quit like this is rare for me so im running with it.. no time to self doubt or rationalize social drinking now its never helped me before.
I am also worried about, and this is what always gets me- that quick instant when someone pours a shot or offers a beer and its like something automatic insides me says, hell yeah! even when I was just thinking about how I can never drink again. any advice for those moments, and how did you guys overcome it?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Why get near the fire if you know you will get burned?
I stay the hell away from booze, maybe someday, but not in the near future.
Christmas will be spent with my son, playing, eating like pigs, chilling.
I stay the hell away from booze, maybe someday, but not in the near future.
Christmas will be spent with my son, playing, eating like pigs, chilling.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
You're right, you do need to get your act together because you will soon be a parent. Homelessness and rootlessness doesn't work well with babies. But you can do this, you do it one day at a time, staying present, using prayer and meditation and every other sober tool you can muster, you eat and you go to AA and you stay focused because you are blessed and your baby and her mother need you. It's an awesome responsibility.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Congrats on the impending fatherhood! Good for you to keep striving for sobriety. It's worth all of the effort. I would print this post and keep it with you. Sometimes it's helpful to see our own words remind of us of what we want, when we're having moments of weakness. Something to remember, too...this longing and wishing you could drink...it does go away. It seems hard to fathom in the beginning, but it eventually you just don't drink, you don't have to TRY to not drink. It's true freedom, you will love it, and you have your whole life ahead of you to feel great and not hungover.
As far as the overcoming those tough moments...really try to not put yourself in those situations, especially early on. I haven't been around people doing shots in a long time. I'm not hiding, I just found different things to do than go to bars and parties where people get wasted. Just say no, do something else. You're not missing anything but self hatred and depression the next day. Saying no to booze is like strengthening a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger you get. After awhile, it's pretty easy to just drink a soda instead. I was at a xmas brunch yesterday and every adult had a mimosa and I filled my champagne flute with orange juice. So what? They had a drink and I didn't. Didn't make a bit of difference to me or anyone else. You can do this, it'll be SO worth it.
As far as the overcoming those tough moments...really try to not put yourself in those situations, especially early on. I haven't been around people doing shots in a long time. I'm not hiding, I just found different things to do than go to bars and parties where people get wasted. Just say no, do something else. You're not missing anything but self hatred and depression the next day. Saying no to booze is like strengthening a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger you get. After awhile, it's pretty easy to just drink a soda instead. I was at a xmas brunch yesterday and every adult had a mimosa and I filled my champagne flute with orange juice. So what? They had a drink and I didn't. Didn't make a bit of difference to me or anyone else. You can do this, it'll be SO worth it.
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