They're going to commit me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
They're going to commit me!
The voices have returned, the medication isn't working the way I want it to. Clearly this is tied to drinking, I suppose few understand, I am petrified and lost in my own delusions.
I am sober at this moment, but I am staring down the alcohol. Its here, actually its right there, my reprieve, won't stop the voices but it will make me care a little less.
Olanzapine, ziprasidone Hydrochloride, you've failed me, I suppose my reprieve was only temporary. I thought you would help, I thought you were my saving grace. I thought you would keep me sane.
Well I play straight quite well. Thats over, I live in a world of "noise" I've grown quite accustomed to listening to and processing multiple conversations and multiple realities at once. I don't know what real is anymore.
Just a matter of time, they will get me... Off to the crazy farm again, I am dwindling, and striving to stay sane. I am doing everything in my power to hold on and not give in to the insanity. Man does this suck, random noise coming from every direction. I am lost, do I answer, is it real? I don't know I am lost.
I am talking schizophrenia, why can't I be normal? Why do I have to live with this, I am being attacked, I am losing it, the storm has come and just a tiny part of me is attached to reality.
But what is real, they will come get me. Back to being committed, the wife is trying to get me committed. Funny thing, its called being committed, but I can't commit to anything. The hospital and medical detox is in order and more medication.
They pour more and more medication on me, its in the name of sanity, but deep down there is this Jeremy. I cry from the top of world, I get lost in it all, I am desperate to hold on to me. I am still here, but get lost in my own delusions.... Why when where and what.
My world is a convoluted mess, they're going to get me and so much for free will. Taken prisoner again, and institutionalized again, maybe that is where I need to be. Maybe to crazy to get on, on my own.
I am waiting for the ambulance and the mental hospital to 5150 me, to take me against my will, to take me up and drug me. To try and constrain me, I don't want that, but I guess its my reality.
Just waiting, only a matter of time, with the way I feel right now, I am not sure I am going to connect to reality tomorrow.
So, there it is, their coming to get me and whisk me away where the crazy people belong. Whatever, waiting for the white coats to come, they will come and then Jeremy goes away again......
I am sober at this moment, but I am staring down the alcohol. Its here, actually its right there, my reprieve, won't stop the voices but it will make me care a little less.
Olanzapine, ziprasidone Hydrochloride, you've failed me, I suppose my reprieve was only temporary. I thought you would help, I thought you were my saving grace. I thought you would keep me sane.
Well I play straight quite well. Thats over, I live in a world of "noise" I've grown quite accustomed to listening to and processing multiple conversations and multiple realities at once. I don't know what real is anymore.
Just a matter of time, they will get me... Off to the crazy farm again, I am dwindling, and striving to stay sane. I am doing everything in my power to hold on and not give in to the insanity. Man does this suck, random noise coming from every direction. I am lost, do I answer, is it real? I don't know I am lost.
I am talking schizophrenia, why can't I be normal? Why do I have to live with this, I am being attacked, I am losing it, the storm has come and just a tiny part of me is attached to reality.
But what is real, they will come get me. Back to being committed, the wife is trying to get me committed. Funny thing, its called being committed, but I can't commit to anything. The hospital and medical detox is in order and more medication.
They pour more and more medication on me, its in the name of sanity, but deep down there is this Jeremy. I cry from the top of world, I get lost in it all, I am desperate to hold on to me. I am still here, but get lost in my own delusions.... Why when where and what.
My world is a convoluted mess, they're going to get me and so much for free will. Taken prisoner again, and institutionalized again, maybe that is where I need to be. Maybe to crazy to get on, on my own.
I am waiting for the ambulance and the mental hospital to 5150 me, to take me against my will, to take me up and drug me. To try and constrain me, I don't want that, but I guess its my reality.
Just waiting, only a matter of time, with the way I feel right now, I am not sure I am going to connect to reality tomorrow.
So, there it is, their coming to get me and whisk me away where the crazy people belong. Whatever, waiting for the white coats to come, they will come and then Jeremy goes away again......
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,244
Jeremy,
let someone help you.
let them help you when they come.
you can't do this by yourself; you're exhausted.
you can't keep going like this; it's not sanely doable.
let them help you. if your wife hasn't been able to get you committed, ask her to help you do it now.
sorry for all your suffering.
let someone help you.
let them help you when they come.
you can't do this by yourself; you're exhausted.
you can't keep going like this; it's not sanely doable.
let them help you. if your wife hasn't been able to get you committed, ask her to help you do it now.
sorry for all your suffering.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
The drinking is the reason the drugs don't work as they are supposed to TDG. And when you stop taking them that screws it all up too. I don't know if you actualy read our responses or not, but just call the hospital. If you refuse to commit to rehab on your own, you most likely will be institutionalized against your will. Why not at least get started on your own terms?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,589
Theres a lot of care concern and good advice in these threads TDG.
Let someone help you - I think it would be preferable you go see them, rather than have them drag you away.
wishing you the best
D
Let someone help you - I think it would be preferable you go see them, rather than have them drag you away.
wishing you the best
D
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Jeremy, you are in my thoughts and prayers. They will stabilize you with your meds but you really have to get serious with your sobriety. You just cannot safely drink ever again period. Not only it negates the effect of your meds but I also saw your picts after your got all banged up in that escalator, you could have been killed that day!
I hope you will go to inpatient this time around because your way is not working.
**{hugs}}
I hope you will go to inpatient this time around because your way is not working.
**{hugs}}
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Below was my first post (8/15/14). I joined to answer a specefic question of yours. I continue to wish you the courage to allow yourself be well.
While I don't take an Antipsychotic I’m familiar with the class of medication and I'm so glad you are choosing to see a doctor.
I applaud your courage in admitting to the voices and hope to put in perspective any stigma you may feel.
If one’s cholesterol is high- they go on cholesterol lowering medication. If one has difficulty processing sugar- they go on insulin.
Unfortunately the majority of society is not at the point where an ‘irregularity’ in the brain is accepted as readily as an ‘irregularity’ of the body.
To be clear- I'm not a doctor and will speak in general terms about auditory hallucinations and their treatment. And to be clear- you are not ‘crazy’. If you want a label- consider yourself “Dopamine Challenged” .
It is believed that auditory hallucinations are the result of an excess of a chemical called Dopamine in the brain. An antipsychotics’ purpose- quite simply- is to reduce the amount of Dopamine in one’s brain.
While antipsychotics and insulin work differently, their purposes are similar. Both products are introduced to the body to help it regulate itself. Try not to buy into the stigma over taking medications to resolve sympoms in the the brain rather than in the body.
Congratulations again on your resolution to further take care of yourself.
While I don't take an Antipsychotic I’m familiar with the class of medication and I'm so glad you are choosing to see a doctor.
I applaud your courage in admitting to the voices and hope to put in perspective any stigma you may feel.
If one’s cholesterol is high- they go on cholesterol lowering medication. If one has difficulty processing sugar- they go on insulin.
Unfortunately the majority of society is not at the point where an ‘irregularity’ in the brain is accepted as readily as an ‘irregularity’ of the body.
To be clear- I'm not a doctor and will speak in general terms about auditory hallucinations and their treatment. And to be clear- you are not ‘crazy’. If you want a label- consider yourself “Dopamine Challenged” .
It is believed that auditory hallucinations are the result of an excess of a chemical called Dopamine in the brain. An antipsychotics’ purpose- quite simply- is to reduce the amount of Dopamine in one’s brain.
While antipsychotics and insulin work differently, their purposes are similar. Both products are introduced to the body to help it regulate itself. Try not to buy into the stigma over taking medications to resolve sympoms in the the brain rather than in the body.
Congratulations again on your resolution to further take care of yourself.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,046
Stay in for treatment J you need help badly your not well your not being rational
you have needed help for a long time
the only person your rebelling against is yourself here this is not winning is it ?
Good luck please stay in and seek the help you so badly need
you have needed help for a long time
the only person your rebelling against is yourself here this is not winning is it ?
Good luck please stay in and seek the help you so badly need
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Hope you get help Jeremy.
This song saved me on my last relapse, when I thought the end was the only way. Perhaps he, can make you brave as well.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hi-VMxT6fc
This song saved me on my last relapse, when I thought the end was the only way. Perhaps he, can make you brave as well.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hi-VMxT6fc
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
You say "a few understand" and that the "meds have let you down.
You are a smart man and at some point we need to let go of our excuses. Everyone has a situation and we need to empower ourselves.
You are cared for here and we hope the bes for you TDG.
You can do this Jeremy. Let others help you help yourself.
You are a smart man and at some point we need to let go of our excuses. Everyone has a situation and we need to empower ourselves.
You are cared for here and we hope the bes for you TDG.
You can do this Jeremy. Let others help you help yourself.
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