chloebaby

Because I drank again Tuesday night and ended up at the bar again grrr. I keep rationalizing. Ok its 10pm I can drink these 6 tall boys and feel good and be safe because by the time im done bars should be closed. Well wouldn't you know my luck one of my friends hubby's who was getting off work at 12:30. I had drank all my beers by then and then proceeded to talk him into going to bar with me surely I can't drink much in the 45 min I was at bar....wrong. I don't even remember getting home. All this after I broke my two front teeth in half and almost lost my bf. He was so mad at me too. I had my teeth fixed Thursday and my bf even paid for it and im so thankful. I actually almost even went to get beer after he went to work last night. I know I can't drink just one and I know it will end bad. I even tell myself that but my mind is constantly screwing with me telling me how good I feel after a couple and it will be different this time. I made it through last night though and so proud of myself. I just had to let that out.

sprout50

Chloe, Are you going to AA or working any kind of program? Can you at least come here before you drink? We are here to help before that first drink.

MIRecovery

The last bottom is death and millions of alcoholics have found it. The good news is we can get off the death spiral anytime we want.

I tried many things and times but AA is the only thing that ever worked for me

trachemys

chloie, go see your doctor. Be totally honest about your drinking and your desire to stop. Detoxing can be rough and dangerous. Get all the help you can. And don't drink.

439trish

[I][you made it through one night, and that is great, every journey begins in the same way, with that first step

I am sorry about your tooth injuries,so glad you were able to get them fixed

stay here, keep reading

/I]

Soberwolf

Hi Chloe

I would advise for you to get a plan of recovery asap

there is AA there is AVRT

you gotta want sobriety more than booze

Acceptance will save you a lot of aggro rather than doing the same thing over & over and expecting diffrent results

Were all here for you

Nonsensical

I have that, too. Part of my brain is addicted to alcohol, and it talks in my head. When it tells me things, it isn't mistaken or misinformed, it lies. It will be different this time is one of it's favorites. It's never different. It intentionally deceives me to get what it wants. It is a liar and a thief, and it will kill me if I let it.

I stopped taking advice on things that are important to me from a known liar, and my life has improved as a result. I highly recommend it.

JanieJ

this ^^^^^.

Come on sister, you can do this

desypete

well to me sounds like your another step closer to accepting you might have a drink problem
have enough experiences like that and who knows ? one day you might just wake up and decide you can not do this anymore just like i did

but until i got there i had to carry on drinking and ending up in all sorts of trouble, feeling the guilt and shame and remorse as i had been found out
it never stopped me from drinking though as i would stop for a short while and mean it when i would say i was stopped but the moment things got back to being ok again then i would drink again trying to drink differently so i wouldnt end up drunk

in the end i came to see that 1 drink will set it all off and i will end up drunk

so if i dont pick up that 1st drink i will not get drunk, i will not wake up trying to remember what i did, i will not wake up with guilt shame or remorse

but i do need help in trying to not pick up that first drink as my head will try every trick in the book to make me pick it up

good luck to you.

jazzfish

I personally don't think much of the "hitting bottom" concept, because it implies that some external factor is going to change your mind. I found the only thing that changed my mind was recognizing and accepting reality, fully accepting the implication and consequences of that reality, and then making a decision about how I was going to respond to it.

You already know you can't drink just one and you don't like the consequences of drinking. What will you have to do to change that equation?

IOAA2

Hi.
“Ya gudda wana.” Is a factual expression in AA as no one can get us sober or drunk. Perhaps 1st we do is get honest with our self about our drinking and accept the fact we cannot drink one day at a time in a row.
The bottom line is sadly that most can’t make it and their life gets more miserable one day at a time. Harsh, yes but sobriety is there for any of us when it’s sought and work is given to overcome it.

BE WELL

trachemys

We need to find an appropriate mountain to carve that on.

countrygirl2014

Everyone has their own "bottom". Just because you haven't wrecked a car "yet", gotten arrested "yet", lost your job "yet" doesn't mean you "aren't as bad as THOSE people". Don't be a "yet". Everytime you pick up that drink, you are closer to the next "yet". That's why this is called a PROGRESSIVE problem, illness or disease. It's never going to be like it was. It's never going to get better. I, too, suggest going to an AA meeting. Go to a few. I hated it when I wasn't ready. Heck, I hated it this time around too. But I went. I stopped worrying about raising my hand and just listened. It's like a blast to the addictive voice in my head every time I go. Then I started to like it. It seems to be working! I wanted this freedom so bad and it's happening! And nothing feels better than guilt free, headache free mornings with no mystery boo boos. The next thing I know, one day stacked up to another and I am 70 something days sober. Give yourself a break. Try something new. Good job on not drinking last night. I hope to see you around more.

Jennifer

Magellan

Wow, 70 days..time flies, I have read many of your posts and you have really done a great job, so strong...I'm getting there

Fly N Buy

One's bottom is when you choose to quit digging.......

Keep coming back!
Glad you're posting!

ubntubnt

Chloe, stop this nonsense about hitting bottom. What are you waiting for? Something so terrible to happen that you are left disabled or have a heart attack or stroke?
You are drinking far beyond what would be considered normal and the episode with your teeth was a warning for you....and a big loud obvious one at that.

Personally, I feel this concept of a rock bottom is your AV talking...."hey, I know things are a little out of control right now, and I know you want to give up, but you are not going to be able to give up until something so bad happens that you can find the will power strong enough to quit, so keep drinking!". That is loser addictive voice reasoning and it will hurt you so be honest with yourself, if you feel you have a problem then drop the booze and start fixing this situation.

countrygirl2014

Thanks Magellan! I know, those days just pile up. I thought I was on 60, then I did the math. I never thought life could be good without drinking. These 70 something days are the best in over 20 years!

Jennifer

LexieCat

My late sponsor was fond of saying "every bottom has a trap door." Until you're dead, you can always fall further. For me, the "bottom" was being so sick from withdrawal I had to have someone from work drive me home. I didn't care to see what came after that "yet" (as in, it hasn't affected my job YET). Maybe I just have a low fear threshold but I had a very clear vision in my head of what was likely to come after that.

I've been sober six years, and the thought of going back to where I was (and I don't kid myself that it would be just like that--it would be worse) still sickens me. I can't count on that memory alone, though, which is why I still go to AA and practice the principles to the best of my ability.

strategery

Congrats on making it through last night Chloe!!
Losing those teeth should be a powerful reminder why not to pick up the first one.