ThatHombre

I'm in a cycle of not drinking for 1 to a few days then having a 1 night binge. Had one again last night.

I honestly don't know why I'm continuing to do this. I haven't been going to my AA meetings as much as I was. Again, not sure why.

Where I'm at today is I just want to shut up and listen. I will be going to a meeting this evening and getting a sponsor, but I am afraid of failing again.

I'm sick and tired of being like this.

One thing I know is when I'm going to meetings and feeling better, I get lax and think I have it beat. I also don't want alcohol or recovery to be so prevalent in my life.

Anyways, any thoughts and advice are greatly appreciated.

tomsteve

Have ya done anything other than go to meetings, as in working the steps?
And good on ya for gettin to one tonight and gettig a sponsor. Those will help, but please remember That going to meetings and not drinking don't treat alcoholism.

OklaBH

just remember you cant get "lax". Also getting a sponsor isnt the cure all. I hear people say that a lot. "I cant stop. So, I guess I will go get a sponsor" A sponsor wont magically get you sober. I have a lady I wish would sponsor me. She flat out told me NO! She said "it didnt work the last time" Guess what? She is right. I was lazy. You have to put your whole heart into it.

Anna

I'm not sure what you mean by not wanting recovery to be prevalent in your life. I do things every day for my recovery and I love it. I read, walk, post on SR, spend some time alone when possible - all of which help me feel good.

It sounds like you haven't quite accepted that you cannot drink alcohol, ever. Maybe it's still in the back of your mind? Maybe you think that after a break you will be able to drink again?

Jsbodhi

I've been doing the same thing for over a year and it just gets worse and it's so frustrating.
I feel your pain, I hate not trusting myself, it's ridiculous.
I'm only a week in, but I'm doing better than I have in years. Though I almost relapse everyday.
I guess what works for me is just knowing I want a better life, I don't want to be like this anymore, I'm wasting my life.
Try to make a commitment, just try, and go with the flow if you can. Take each day and hour the best you can.
This probably isn't much help, but it's what's working for me.
I also put the money I would have spent in a jar on booze in a jar, going to buy myself a flight to central america, at the rate I'm going I'll have that flight in no time.
Best wishes, we can do this <3
Though I'm super depressed and anxious today, not sure why, don't really care why, just keeping up the good fight I guess.

biminiblue

There is no magic in AA or in having a sponsor, but if you continue to drink/stop/drink/stop then maybe you would do well to give everything and anything a chance.

In the end, it is your hand and your mouth and you making the decision to not drink.

Chillly

Not drinking everyday but binge drinking repeatedly is exactly the drinking pattern that I'm trying to recover from.
I don't know if this pattern of binge drinking is new to you, or if it is less constant drinking than you had previously, but it is a state of active alcoholism that I sustained for years.

Going a day or two, or a few, without drinking is the perfect thing to justify the next binge.

I hope the best for you, but as you have just described the binge drinking alcoholic pattern that I am recovering from. I obviously don't have the answers. And I'm sure that the advice I would have for you, is nothing you haven't heard before.

Just remember that there's lots of alcoholics out there who have ruined lives, and lost everything due to binge drinking, even if not daily drinking.


Good luck! Hang in there!

doggonecarl

Anna is right. Alcoholics can either focus on drinking, or on their recovery. We are past the point of saying "I don't want recovery to be so prevalent in my life." It is, or we're drunk.

I'll take recovery.

By the way, once you get some sober time accumilated, it's not as "on your mind" as it is now. Once the obsession is lifted, you can focus on living and loving life sober.

Soberwolf

Here you go read this print it off to keep

Write down every reason never to pick up a drink again

you can do this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

ThatHombre

Anna, I think you are correct. I want to quit but haven't accepted I cannot drink alcohol.

dwtbd

No time like the present, literally

Soberwolf

Hombre Acceptance is key

write down every reason why you shouldnt drink youl soon see your acceptance or youl choose to deny it

i got faith in you hombre

ScottFromWI

I was there many times too. The good news is that the power to accept that is already inside you. The bad news is that only you are able to bring it out.

Have you ever made a list of the pros and cons of your drinking? Try it sometime - actually write it down on a piece of paper.

FreeOwl

I stopped having the struggle you're having when I started getting active in sobriety beyond just "going to meetings".

Have you got a sponsor?
Have you got a step one workbook?
Have you got a Big Book?

What are you doing - outside of meetings and a program - to address your broader self needs for a foundation of Whole Sobriety?

Are you exercising regularly?
Do you have a regular non-drinking life interest or hobby?
Have you got any anchor friends or activities that don't center around drinking?

For me, going to meetings wasn't enough. It was enough for me to begin seeing the light... it was enough for me to know deep down there was more to my life... it was a start. But it wasn't enough. I had to get active.

ThatHombre

I have the Big Book and the 12 and 12. No sponsor yet.

Honestly, outside of meetings, I'm not doing anything other than coming here.

Thanks everyone. I know I need to accept this but I don't know how to get there.

Jsbodhi

I don't know what the hell I'm doing either, just kinda picking stuff up as I go. Taking it one day at time.
Strength in numbers!