strongandsober

My office holiday party is coming up in about two weeks. I started working for this very small company a few months ago, so this will be my first holiday season there. It sounds like typically the dozen or so employees all go to lunch, eat, drink, then take the afternoon off. Everyone keeps joking about finding a restaurant with a good bar.

I am 28 days sober today, and will be about 6 weeks sober at the time of the party. Since it is such a small company, it will be noticeable if I am the only one not drinking. Not attending is not really an option since it is a mid-day party, leaving from the office. I can't say I have other plans, because if I wasn't at the party, I would normally be at the office.

Any advice on how to handle the situation? I don't want to tell everyone in my office that I'm a newly recovering alcoholic, especially since I just started the job. I thought about contacting the restaurant ahead of time and arranging for non-alcoholic wine, but I'm worried it will be noticeable if I order something different when everyone else is sharing bottles of wine.

sugarbear1

not everyone drinks. "no, thank you" works.

have an exit plan if you need to leave early.

SoberD

I have one of these events coming up and plan to drive along with my date - if asked, I would just say "no thanks, I'm driving tonight"...

SoberComposer

There will be drinking at my Thanksgiving get-together too.

I have a secret though... alcohol is my kryptonite.. no point in trying to explain that when I am offered a beer.. like I said, it is my secret. So, no thanks I'll take a water

Best of luck to everyone who has to be around alcohol over the Holidays.

strongandsober

I realize not everyone drinks. But in a very small office of people, I have casually talked to everyone in the office, and everyone has indicated they plan to have at least one glass of wine or one drink from the bar at the party.

Dee74

There are some good general tips for parties and social occasions here

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

D

strongandsober

Thank you Dee, that is perfect!

Dee74

so what if 'everyone else drinks' tho?

I'd rather be a non drinker than the drunken mess I was at way too many office Xmas parties.

Too many times I let what other people might think of me override common sense and my own well being.

No more

D

matilda123

I, too, had that worry: that others would notice that I'm not drinking and it would be a big deal. But it really isn't--folks dont' really notice who is drinking what. In fact, I'm kind of surprised how few do consume alcohol. I was at a small cocktail function just last week and noticed that out of the eight of us, only two people drank wine: everyone else drank water!

I'm pretty new in my sobriety (8 weeks) and am also giving myself permission to forego or duck out early from any holiday celebrations if I feel the need. I don't want to put my sobriety at risk if I feel like a situation might be tempting.

Jsbodhi

Yes! Better to not drink and it be a bit awkward, rather than drink and get fired!!!

EndGameNYC

"Here's the thing...If you don't want to drink, then don't drink. You don't owe anyone an explanation, and most people don't even care." -- strongandsober, commenting to a newcomer six months from now.

totfit

We are really not so important that everyone pays attention to whether we are drinking or not. Lots of people don't drink. Believe it or not many folks just do not like the effect. If anyone does notice, it is likely that they may have an "issue". Saying, "I don't drink alcohol" is not big deal.

Marcher13

The underlining and bold is mine (obviously) strongandsober. They plan to "have at least one drink" and I'll bet half of them sit on that one drink most of the evening. I don't know about you but I could never sit on one, I'd have 6-10 in that time.

You can have a drink from the bar too. how about mineral water over ice with plenty of lemon and a dash of bitters?

LBrain

Well now... I am going to a party next weekend. In the past I would take over the bar and serve drinks. I guess it made it easier to be closer to the bar and easier to always have a drink. Come to think of it, I was always the guy who would want to make and serve drinks at parties. One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. Problem was that there were a lot more of you than me. It also gave more opportunity to be there when people tried new shots.. Yeah... Most of these people never saw me not drinking. But it is a good group of people and me not drinking won't even be noticed.

I have two cases of SanPeligrino on standby. And a couple jugs of POM. They mix well.
Always carry your own drinks. You may not need them. But it's better safe than sorry.

Soberwolf

Great advice here

doggonecarl

If you are fretting about being the 'non' drinker at the party, you aren't ready to attend, in my opinion.

You say not going isn't an option. Not going is always an option. They can't make you go. You can mentally elevate the pressure on yourself to go, you can imagine all kinds of horrible things happening if you don't go. But the bottom line, they can't make you go to a party.

You have two weeks. Either accept you can be the non-drinking employee, or come up with a reason you can't go.

strongandsober

Wow, I was looking for advice from people who have been in a similar situation. My whole point was that I am ready to be the non-drinker. I'm simply asking for advice on how to best handle comments if they are made. I guess SR must work for some, but obviously I don't fit in here.

Thanks Dee, for the website.

Best of luck to everyone. I'll be deleting my account.

matilda123

Hi, strongandsober. Sorry if my advice was one of those pieces of advice that came off the wrong way. I actually was just in this situation last week, and truly meant my advice in that spirit.

I wish you much luck on your journey.

doggonecarl

In early recovery is said, "Take what you need, leave the rest."

If you can't separate the advice you want (and need) from the advice you don't want, then you aren't leveraging the strength of the forum.

LBrain

If you didn't already delete you account and can read this, my advice is to just not drink if you are able to. If asked, just reply with I don't drink.

Why is it that people who never drank do not have to explain why they don't drink and people who quit drinking feel they need to? People don't ask me why I don't eat sauerkraut. I just pass on it and that's that.