My brother
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
My brother
I know I need to let go and let god, but I feel so badly for him. He has lost just about everything... about to lose his condo too. Awhile back he asked to come live with me and I declined and he was very cruel in his response. His family tried to do an intervention and he punched his son in the face. He accuses me of all kinds of things, including killing our mother (she died of natural causes at age 85 while she was living with me).
I have had to block all communication with him to preserve my sanity, but I worry about him all the time. He was my hero big brother growing up...star football player, so hansom, went to Ivy league school etc. He has fallen so very far.............
Thoughts?
I have had to block all communication with him to preserve my sanity, but I worry about him all the time. He was my hero big brother growing up...star football player, so hansom, went to Ivy league school etc. He has fallen so very far.............
Thoughts?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm sorry. Doing the right thing doesn't always feel like doing the right thing, does it? (((hugs)))
You have an absolute right to protect yourself from the fallout of his drinking. And the only thing that will make him want sobriety is suffering the consequences of his actions. I know one RA in his 40s who left his family for a 22-year-old bartender girl. He woke up one morning to find that his hot new chick had taken his wallet and his car and left the state. He was unemployed, homeless, and without support. He came home to his wife and asked her to take him back. She said "until you're sober, we're not even having this discussion."
He's been sober now for about... ten years? Something like that. But nothing his wife, his kids, his parents said mattered one bit. When he had lost everything, that's when he chose to turn his life around.
I'm telling you the story because it does happen. But as you know, there's nothing you can do to make it happen. It's heartbreaking. But you're doing a good thing -- for you and for him.
You have an absolute right to protect yourself from the fallout of his drinking. And the only thing that will make him want sobriety is suffering the consequences of his actions. I know one RA in his 40s who left his family for a 22-year-old bartender girl. He woke up one morning to find that his hot new chick had taken his wallet and his car and left the state. He was unemployed, homeless, and without support. He came home to his wife and asked her to take him back. She said "until you're sober, we're not even having this discussion."
He's been sober now for about... ten years? Something like that. But nothing his wife, his kids, his parents said mattered one bit. When he had lost everything, that's when he chose to turn his life around.
I'm telling you the story because it does happen. But as you know, there's nothing you can do to make it happen. It's heartbreaking. But you're doing a good thing -- for you and for him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Hi, ArtFriend... and Welcome... and I'm very sorry you are in this position with your brother. You have come to the right place to become educated on addiction and how it changes people. You can also learn coping mechanisms and get great advice from other members. And best of all... this is a safe place to share what's going on. (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In Gods Love♥
Posts: 44
ArtFriend - My heart goes out to you! But just like what they are saying here - this place is wonderful! I have made many new friends and they have given me advice which I hold close to my heart. This site.........no words can truly express how much this means to me!
Take care and I will keep you and your family in my prayers! ((((HUGS))))
Take care and I will keep you and your family in my prayers! ((((HUGS))))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
Artfriend
I don't know your family history/each person's situations etc
My experience is when I did the steps I went to my brother at Step 9 on a spiritual basis and made amends to him for things I had done to him throughout the years, including when we were kids, stuff I had long ago buried within me thinking it was just "normal" sibling stuff
It released my guilt
I try to be the best sister I can to him today and be available in the right way
I also lower my pride and put up with a lot of stuff, for this is a family disease
In these ways I try be an example of recovery to him, and that's all I can really do.
I don't know your family history/each person's situations etc
My experience is when I did the steps I went to my brother at Step 9 on a spiritual basis and made amends to him for things I had done to him throughout the years, including when we were kids, stuff I had long ago buried within me thinking it was just "normal" sibling stuff
It released my guilt
I try to be the best sister I can to him today and be available in the right way
I also lower my pride and put up with a lot of stuff, for this is a family disease
In these ways I try be an example of recovery to him, and that's all I can really do.
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