Here we go again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada
Posts: 2
Here we go again
The very first time I got drunk I was 13, and I thought I had discovered the most amazing thing in the world. I used to have the journal entry I made, where I called it exactly that. And I didn't experience a hangover, which I thought was amazing because that was all I heard adults complain about.
I wish I could go back in time and tell that little girl what kind of horrible withdrawals she would have one day. How many times she would go to the hospital, how many times she would experience horrible dreams and sweats and shaking, etc.
I am so, so, so, SO completely sick of alcohol and what it does to me. I have tried many times to get sober, and it always happens again. It has been the constant thing in my life for 12 years and I am done.
I am not stupid, I know this is going to be extremely hard and once I get my head straight and feel better I am going to want to drink again. But I won't. And I know I wont.
The truth is that ever since I had my first very very very bad withdrawal, I haven't even had the urge to go to the store to buy booze. It was about 3 months ago. My boyfriend and I had two weeks off of work and lots of money, so I guess we decided the best way to spend that was by buying 7 handles and drinking them in 7 days (not planned, but happened slowly and with the help of cabs).
After the seven days, I spent the entire day dry heaving (gross sorry) and feeling completely disgusting and like I was in hell. Well, that I could deal with. I was sitting there, trying to breathe normally while my heart thumped in my chest like a humming bird on steroids, and it got worse. All of the sudden my face started going completely numb, paralyzed, my heart feeling like it was being squeezed in my chest, my arms and legs going completely stiff, so much to where I could not move them if I was sitting in a pit of fire (which was kind of what it felt like). I could barely move my tongue but managed to spit out a slur for 911 to my boyfriend, because I thought I was having a seizure or a stroke. The paramedics came and took me to the hospital, convinced I was on drugs. Well, I tried to tell them I don't do drugs, I don't even smoke pot, but I don't think they believed me. Paramedics in Las Vegas are probably so used to drug addicts, they do not know what severe alcohol withdrawal looks like.
Anyway, what I am trying to convey is how committed I am to something like that never, EVER happening like this to me again. My boyfriend of 5 years is a alcoholic as well (surprise, surprise), and he is still trying to find ways to out-smart it. He has been sober for a year in AA before and I'm sure he knows what he is doing. "If I only drink beer instead of vodka I'll be fine" "If I just sip on whiskey I'll be fine" "If I don't keep hard liquor in the house" "If I take milk thistle and drink lots of water I won't hit withdrawal".
It's all a bunch of ******** and I think all alcoholics try to convince themselves there is somehow a way they can drink and not do the things they do. But the only way to do it is to not drink, PERIOD, and get help, which is what I am going to do.
Ok well I am very tired, going to bed now, and sorry for the rambling sentences if anyone reads this. But I do feel better for getting it all out.
I wish I could go back in time and tell that little girl what kind of horrible withdrawals she would have one day. How many times she would go to the hospital, how many times she would experience horrible dreams and sweats and shaking, etc.
I am so, so, so, SO completely sick of alcohol and what it does to me. I have tried many times to get sober, and it always happens again. It has been the constant thing in my life for 12 years and I am done.
I am not stupid, I know this is going to be extremely hard and once I get my head straight and feel better I am going to want to drink again. But I won't. And I know I wont.
The truth is that ever since I had my first very very very bad withdrawal, I haven't even had the urge to go to the store to buy booze. It was about 3 months ago. My boyfriend and I had two weeks off of work and lots of money, so I guess we decided the best way to spend that was by buying 7 handles and drinking them in 7 days (not planned, but happened slowly and with the help of cabs).
After the seven days, I spent the entire day dry heaving (gross sorry) and feeling completely disgusting and like I was in hell. Well, that I could deal with. I was sitting there, trying to breathe normally while my heart thumped in my chest like a humming bird on steroids, and it got worse. All of the sudden my face started going completely numb, paralyzed, my heart feeling like it was being squeezed in my chest, my arms and legs going completely stiff, so much to where I could not move them if I was sitting in a pit of fire (which was kind of what it felt like). I could barely move my tongue but managed to spit out a slur for 911 to my boyfriend, because I thought I was having a seizure or a stroke. The paramedics came and took me to the hospital, convinced I was on drugs. Well, I tried to tell them I don't do drugs, I don't even smoke pot, but I don't think they believed me. Paramedics in Las Vegas are probably so used to drug addicts, they do not know what severe alcohol withdrawal looks like.
Anyway, what I am trying to convey is how committed I am to something like that never, EVER happening like this to me again. My boyfriend of 5 years is a alcoholic as well (surprise, surprise), and he is still trying to find ways to out-smart it. He has been sober for a year in AA before and I'm sure he knows what he is doing. "If I only drink beer instead of vodka I'll be fine" "If I just sip on whiskey I'll be fine" "If I don't keep hard liquor in the house" "If I take milk thistle and drink lots of water I won't hit withdrawal".
It's all a bunch of ******** and I think all alcoholics try to convince themselves there is somehow a way they can drink and not do the things they do. But the only way to do it is to not drink, PERIOD, and get help, which is what I am going to do.
Ok well I am very tired, going to bed now, and sorry for the rambling sentences if anyone reads this. But I do feel better for getting it all out.
You've come to a great place for support. 
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
