Another DUI, this is #4, I knew it would be long
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Hollywood, FL
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Another DUI, this is #4, I knew it would be long
I knew he was on a downward spiral and it wouldn't be long before he did some thing stupid !!! Why? Why do these men do this? Had a great paying job, nice duplex, a great girl friend who love him. Me.
He went on a bender early October. He choose bottle over me, wanted to drink. So he did. Now exactly 30 days after breakup he crashed his car, and has a criminal defense attorney. His preliminary hearing is in 30 days. My guess is he is in jail.
Why???? Why do men f*** up like this. I am so angry. He could get 10 years for this. WTF Jay
!
Will some one explain this to me?
He went on a bender early October. He choose bottle over me, wanted to drink. So he did. Now exactly 30 days after breakup he crashed his car, and has a criminal defense attorney. His preliminary hearing is in 30 days. My guess is he is in jail.
Why???? Why do men f*** up like this. I am so angry. He could get 10 years for this. WTF Jay
!Will some one explain this to me?
Last edited by FeliciaM; 11-16-2014 at 06:30 PM. Reason: spell
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Oh, it isn't just men. Alcohol is no respecter of persons. Male and female have fallen into the same trap.
It is good that you are no longer in a relationship with him. This will bring nothing but misery for you. Leave him to deal with his issues and you take care of you. This is not your battle to fight. It is his.
It is good that you are no longer in a relationship with him. This will bring nothing but misery for you. Leave him to deal with his issues and you take care of you. This is not your battle to fight. It is his.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Felicia - this really has nothing to do with you. He is an addict, and it makes no sense to the rest of us. However, I'm an RA, and I get it.
I'm also a recovering codependent, and I get where you are coming from
Despite what you feel, this is not personal. I know, it does feel that way. He is battling with his own demons. This has nothing to do with you.
It's incredibly hard to understand, I forgot you are not an addict. My suggestion is how let close to those who are interested not the same situation. We A's don't make sense to those who are not A's
Keep reading and posting, we are here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm also a recovering codependent, and I get where you are coming from
Despite what you feel, this is not personal. I know, it does feel that way. He is battling with his own demons. This has nothing to do with you.
It's incredibly hard to understand, I forgot you are not an addict. My suggestion is how let close to those who are interested not the same situation. We A's don't make sense to those who are not A's
Keep reading and posting, we are here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Amy's right. The alcohol is more powerful than anything good in an alcoholic's life. Many die of this disease. It isn't logical, and if you try to make sense of it you will make yourself crazy.
And suki's right, too. This is his problem, not yours. You broke up, remember?
Put that energy you are expending being outraged into your own recovery.
And suki's right, too. This is his problem, not yours. You broke up, remember?
Put that energy you are expending being outraged into your own recovery.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Hi Felicia, I can relate to your boyfriend because it happened to me too. Lost a great job, DUI, evicted from condo, and lost my girlfriend.
Alcoholism is the answer. It is a disease of the mind in certain ways. The alcoholic's brain is wired differently When alcohol is consumed it effects us differently. We can't turn off our desire to drink once we start. It's madness and there is no reason or logic.
Alcoholism is the answer. It is a disease of the mind in certain ways. The alcoholic's brain is wired differently When alcohol is consumed it effects us differently. We can't turn off our desire to drink once we start. It's madness and there is no reason or logic.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 101
I hope no one was hurt when he wrecked his car. Unfortunately I don’t think it’s possible to provide a rational explanation for the behavior of an addict; it’s really its own brand of “crazy”. Just try to relax and not get caught up in his drama; it won’t help him and it’s really, really hard on you.
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He is my XAB so this is not my business. As far as I know no one else was injured. I don't have any details. This happened last week I found out this morning.
At least he's not drinking tonight.
It has to be a miserable life.
At least he's not drinking tonight.
It has to be a miserable life.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Hopefully jail time will finally make him seek help. I don't know the legal system but is there a possibility of court-ordered treatment?
Honestly, if he continues to drink and drive, he's better off the streets before he kills someone. They're always very remorseful after the fact.
Honestly, if he continues to drink and drive, he's better off the streets before he kills someone. They're always very remorseful after the fact.
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Alaska - I have no intention to do anything regarding him.
He feared the holidays. In jail he'll have lots of company on Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years. He'll celebrate with the other criminals. He is where he belongs.
He feared the holidays. In jail he'll have lots of company on Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years. He'll celebrate with the other criminals. He is where he belongs.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 101
Even though you’re no longer together it doesn’t mean that you don’t still care about him. I meant for you to not get “emotionally” caught up in his drama. This does sound like another poor choice in a long string of poor choices that he’s made. Like I said addiction is its own special brand of “crazy” and it defies rational explanation. I’m just sincerely thankful you are no longer a part of his craziness and I’m sorry if I didn’t make this clear in my prior post. I meant no disrespect.
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Originally Posted by FeliciaM 
Will some one explain this to me?
You are looking at it from the perspective of someone who sees a good job, a good relationship, a good life as more important than any temporary high. At some point in the alcoholic spiral, suicide and quitting drinking may be perceived as pretty equal alternatives - this is how powerful addiction is. That is not drama, it is my experience. So long as he is drinking, don't bother with logic because it will not apply.
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Thx Alaska and Eddie.
He is suffering , I know that much. I love him and am grateful he is alive.
He has to fix himself, he'll now have plenty of time for self reflection and court ordered treatment. I will continue to Al anon and stay here reading and posting. So much wisdom here.
He is suffering , I know that much. I love him and am grateful he is alive.
He has to fix himself, he'll now have plenty of time for self reflection and court ordered treatment. I will continue to Al anon and stay here reading and posting. So much wisdom here.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Hi Felicia,
I am married to a functional alcoholic. I do all the the driving if he is ever drinking because I would be heartbroken if he lost his job or his nice life because of a DUI or vehicular manslaughter. I choose to do this and have not hit my bottom with him, which I why I still do it. Maybe because I am a RA myself I understand the disease and how hard it is to recover, which is why I am still with him. But if I ever get tired of the relationship, I most likely will leave. At the time, I am not. He can be very angry, but he also has a lot of nice qualities as well. Everyone is different and makes different choices.
I am married to a functional alcoholic. I do all the the driving if he is ever drinking because I would be heartbroken if he lost his job or his nice life because of a DUI or vehicular manslaughter. I choose to do this and have not hit my bottom with him, which I why I still do it. Maybe because I am a RA myself I understand the disease and how hard it is to recover, which is why I am still with him. But if I ever get tired of the relationship, I most likely will leave. At the time, I am not. He can be very angry, but he also has a lot of nice qualities as well. Everyone is different and makes different choices.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Hi Felicia,
I am married to a functional alcoholic. I do all the the driving if he is ever drinking because I would be heartbroken if he lost his job or his nice life because of a DUI or vehicular manslaughter. I choose to do this and have not hit my bottom with him, which I why I still do it. Maybe because I am a RA myself I understand the disease and how hard it is to recover, which is why I am still with him. But if I ever get tired of the relationship, I most likely will leave. At the time, I am not. He can be very angry, but he also has a lot of nice qualities as well. Everyone is different and makes different choices.
I am married to a functional alcoholic. I do all the the driving if he is ever drinking because I would be heartbroken if he lost his job or his nice life because of a DUI or vehicular manslaughter. I choose to do this and have not hit my bottom with him, which I why I still do it. Maybe because I am a RA myself I understand the disease and how hard it is to recover, which is why I am still with him. But if I ever get tired of the relationship, I most likely will leave. At the time, I am not. He can be very angry, but he also has a lot of nice qualities as well. Everyone is different and makes different choices.
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Tissue paper thin emotional skin. That's what drives alcoholism.
They Can't stand a snide comment or even a little sideways glance.... It all gets taken deeply personally.
And I know you can't comprehend that, but believe me, it's how we get.
The result is a drink.... Which thickens the emotional skin right back to full strength and beyond.
Everything frightens him, sober, nothing frightens him, drunk.
Sorry you are having to watch and live through the alcoholic storm.
They Can't stand a snide comment or even a little sideways glance.... It all gets taken deeply personally.
And I know you can't comprehend that, but believe me, it's how we get.
The result is a drink.... Which thickens the emotional skin right back to full strength and beyond.
Everything frightens him, sober, nothing frightens him, drunk.
Sorry you are having to watch and live through the alcoholic storm.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
I do all the the driving if he is ever drinking because I would be heartbroken if he lost his job or his nice life because of a DUI or vehicular manslaughter.
I am pointing out this quote because it just goes to show how the codie mind becomes completely warped. You would be heartbroken if he lost "the good life" due to vehicular manslaughter?? I would imagine the victims family would feel really bad for him too. (sarcasm intended)
I am pointing out this quote because it just goes to show how the codie mind becomes completely warped. You would be heartbroken if he lost "the good life" due to vehicular manslaughter?? I would imagine the victims family would feel really bad for him too. (sarcasm intended)
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Originally Posted by Wastinglife
When alcohol is consumed it effects us differently. We can't turn off our desire to drink once we start. It's madness and there is no reason or logic.
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Hawks
Originally Posted by Hawks
Tissue paper thin emotional skin. That's what drives alcoholism.
They Can't stand a snide comment or even a little sideways glance.... It all gets taken deeply personally.
And I know you can't comprehend that, but believe me, it's how we get.
The result is a drink.... Which thickens the emotional skin right back to full strength and beyond.
Everything frightens him, sober, nothing frightens him, drunk.
They Can't stand a snide comment or even a little sideways glance.... It all gets taken deeply personally.
And I know you can't comprehend that, but believe me, it's how we get.
The result is a drink.... Which thickens the emotional skin right back to full strength and beyond.
Everything frightens him, sober, nothing frightens him, drunk.
I did see this in him and was sensitive choosing my words carefully. He was exhausting me. No relationship will ever be possible with him. I do still love him.
It's starting to sink in today.
Psalm 118:24
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SAD BUT, OFTEN IT TAKES PRISON TO GET SOMEONE TO THE BREAKING POINT.
SAD BUT, OFTEN IT TAKES PRISON TO GET SOMEONE TO THE BREAKING POINT.
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