newhope01

I am having a hard time staying sober right now.

I am feeling overwhelming sadness and lonlieness.

I dont care about my health, I dont care about myself, I dont care about my job, I dont care about anything.

I know that I sound incredibly spoiled right now but these feelings are just so overwhelming. I think no one cares about me and that if I did drink myself to death I would only be an object of gossip.

These thoughts leave me feeling empty and unable to find reason for life.

Sometime I just feel like I try too hard and get nowhere.

I am so incredibly lonely right now.

Nonsensical

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down. It's quite common to believe that how you feel now will last forever. It won't. Whether you're feeling great or blah it will change. That's how it works.

Don't sacrifice your sobriety for a temporary mood swing.

Ellay

((((((((((New hope)))))))) I am sorry you are feeling so alone, but so very proud you are sober ! I see a cat in your avatar, do you have one ? What's its name ? I am watching my sons cat, Reggie , while he is getting settled in a new place. This cat is hilarious....pounces on you when you are least expecting it. Like he means to scare you. Rambling now, just want you to know you aren't alone

Hereandnow2

Your not alone you have us

SoberLeigh

You have had a tough week, new hope, and have experienced a lot of stomach pain. Pain can take so much out of you and so can the worry associated with awaiting test results and a diagnosis. It is no wonder that you are feeling low.

I have seen you here on SR caring for others; it is time give some of that care to newhope. Can you take a warm, soothing bath and then get some good sleep. Maybe take a walk tomorrow, treat yourself to something sweet.

I care about you; SR cares about you. You are not alone; you have us to lean on. Hang on; these feelings will pass.

Soberwolf

Hi Newhope try this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

Dee74

I happen to know there's a lot of people who care about you here newhope.
Heck even we go back a ways

I didn't care for myself much either, not at the start - but I knew that going backwards yield no answers...I'd tried every permutation of getting drunk or high and my life still sucked.

Recovery was the one thing I hadn' tried and I was prepared to ride out the low days because so many people told me it gets better.

They didn't steer me wrong.
It did get better...and so did I.

Don't let your despair overwhelm you. You are on the right road, I guarantee it

The good thing about bad days in recovery is they're not like bad months we had when drinking. This will pass

Til then, maybe do something nice for yourself? pamper yourself a little?

D

newhope01

Thank you everyone for your kind words. One thing you can always count on from SR is unconditional kindness.

And thank you for reminding me about my kitty Ellay, I do care about him and am not sure how well he will fair in this world without me.

There is no way I can drink now. But, as rude as it sounds, I don't genuinely believe that it will get better. I want to believe it but I just dont. My whole life has been crap and every time I tried to make it better it always somehow got messed up or took a turn for the worse.

And again my outlook is not too good. All the hot baths in the world won't fix my pain. Not even my precious little kitty.

Sorry for being a debbie downer guys. You are all really awesome folks and sometimes when people are kind to me it makes me feel worse. Idk why, just does.

strategery

newhope, I can't find the hug button, but I am sending hugs your way.

Fly N Buy

Remember the Dr. Seuss cartoon......
WE are here!

Newhope, I too was lonely, many understand. It's one of the negative externalities of what we were. Today with 5 months I find I am making some honest, meaningful relationships. First one is with myself!

If I can't love me, who else would?? AA has opened doors to relationships as well. I attend 3 different groups, just came back from a dinner/speaker meeting. As I walked in, I found it amazing how many people I have come to know - many I consider friends.

It takes some sobriety time and willingness. Ask somebody to have coffee, lunch etc. If you'll give it some time it won't happen overnight. But shortly you'll make some friends.....I promise!!

Dee74

Just..have faith newhope. Noone here is lying to you - what would be the point?

Things do get better... for everyone

D

stephendu

It'll be worth it to stay sober man. Just hang in there.

newhope01

It may get better for most people but things never seem to get better for me.

I'm having cravings so bad right now. It's taking every ounce of will not to throw in the towel right now. I'm literally sitting in my car with the intention to get some poison.

But for what purpose? What will it do for me? Will things get suddenly better?

I know better just so defeated.

VikingGF

Hey, newhope01- I'm jumping on to say hello and hang on. It's hard, it's lonely, and it's scary- but not forever, ok? Not nearly as scary as being a slave to drinking or drugging- honestly, I'm not sure what's as scary as all that. In the start, I guess none of us feel like it's worth it, but we try because if you can string a few days sober together, you start to hope, and that's a new feeling, because what user really has hope? Then, there is the loneliness to contend with. But, even though we may be lonely at first, we don't have to stay lonely, because now you have hope, and options. You can go out and be with people. Is it hard? Yes. Is it going to kill you? Nope. Not like using or drinking will. And one day, you will meet some people who make you think, hey, this whole life thing isn't so bad after all.

Just keep coming here, and talking to us and trying really, really hard. These people will not steer you wrong. They save me every day with their words and support and friendship.

You can do this. I swear, if I can, anyone can. I was a hopeless, dead inside, lonely bag of nothing. I'm not anymore. You will be ok. Just don't drink. And pet your cat. Cats are great.

Also, while on the road to getting a more positive attitude, feel free to enjoy ice cream, shopping and driving really, really fast (sober.) These three things kept me happy when I thought I couldn't be happy. I'm not kidding.

Briar

I could have written your post myself many times over. It will not stay this way, you will feel better. You just have to hang in there. Get out of the car. Go in the house and keep talking to us.

FeelingGreat

Sweetie, I really feel for you right now. I have been depressed at times in my life, and when you're in the depths of that feeling part of it is thinking it will never change.

Hard as it is, now is the time to reach out urgently for help. Please go to a doctor or emergency room and tell them you're feeling suicidal (if I read your post correctly). Now isn't the time to drink, or try to tough it out. There is help to make you feel better, but you must make the first move yourself. Feel free to PM if you need or want more encouragement.

Hang onto the idea that this is a medical condition, not the real you. Seek help. (((Hugs)))

Croissant

Newhope, I'm not sure how long you've been sober for, but I believed people were most probably lying when they said life got better sober. After all, they had no choice, right?

Well....life is better. My bills are paid, I'm in a happy job now, I bathe myself every day, I got through the murk of repairing my brain a bit, so I can think so much straighter now...and read books! Which I'd never thought I'd be able to do again.

I don't know how attached you are to melancholy, as in, I know some people have depression that seems to follow them, no matter what, but I don't think how you feel now is necessarily how you will feel in the future.

Volunteering with sick children seems to put things in pretty sharp perspective. Maybe there's something you could do get outside your own defeatist thoughts and help others along the way!

Fly N Buy

There was no magic wand for me that made everything better. Went through that for years with booze. What a joke! It seemed to make it better for a moment but only pulled me into the darkness more and more.

No candy coating - it takes hard work. Staring sucks.... But one day - soon you'll wake up and mentally feel MUCH better. Then the next day not great and pity is there.

One has to push through. Around 60 days things were looking up!! But not everyday all day.

I learned to let the moments pass when I felt bad. And they do pass.
I spent more time depressed chasing that elusive feeling that long ago alcohol provided. It simply wasn't there and probably never was.

All I can say is it's so worth the work. You'll love yourself for it.
I heard a gent in a meeting say - some have to get tougher and some have to soften up when they get sober. It's a matter or choice.

I am not a cheerleader - we are all adults here. Ultimately you must choose to live or languish.

Warm regards,
FLyN

newhope01

Sorry if I frightened anyone here that I am suicidal. Just to be clear I am not.

I got out of the car guys and am using my laptop in my bed with a sweet kitty curled up next to me.

I changed into my pajamas as to create one more step I need to do before I go back to the car in a vain attempt to ease my sorrows with a quick fix. Most normal stores are closed now where I am at and will have to drive a bit now to get alcohol.

Besides, I keep reminding myself that for the first time my stomach is beginning to feel better and there is no point going out and mucking that up now.

I am trying not to think about how lonely I feel and how terrified I am about this mysterious illness I seem to have acquired. Its when my mind explores those feelings that I want to run to the liquor store.

I need to stay close tonight though.

MariahGayle

((Hugs)) to you Newhope.