mistyeye

I ended up in the hospital from major anxiety. I dont understand why he is doing all this. I just want my sadness and hoping he will come back to go away. I do so good and then BAM it hits me that I lost my best friend. I just want it to go away. I hate crying for someone who doesnt give a damn about me or his child. I dont know what he is thinking. I just want all my questions answered. Not knowing is the worst. I just want it to go away.

lucky236

That happened to me once I ended up in the hospital with a really bad panic attack because I became constanty worried if he was using or if he will od. And how lucky of me to end up in the er from all the stress. Did he care..no! Please dont let him affect your health any further through his actions and behavior. Hes thinking of himself right now plain and simple. There may never been any answers to your questions. Stay strong for you and your child.

zoso77

Kiddo,

I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time with this.

The thing is, though, is your questions have been answered. You just don't like the answers that you're getting. And right now, you're stuck in a loop, driving yourself nuts trying to come up with an answer that makes sense to you.

The truth is there isn't an answer, save that he's an addict, and this is what addicts do.

At the end of the day, the whys don't matter.

Right now, he's not the problem. As I've said for some time now, he's shown you what he's about. A mature, responsible man does not bail on his parental responsibilities. He's not a mature, responsible man. And at this moment, you are personalizing it to the point where you're causing yourself great harm.

But I get where you are. I really do. There are moments when we learn that someone we care about isn't what we thought they were. There are moments when that person hurts us badly. And the only thing we can do, Misty, is to accept what has happened so that we can move on with our lives.

And your problem is you don't accept it. You want to know why he did what he did. And it doesn't matter why, because it doesn't change that he's done what he's done. You're not going to get the answer you want.

If you allow yourself to stay stuck, you will not get better. You will get worse. Staying stuck is a choice. None of us here at SR can get you unstuck. Only you can free yourself.

We're here for you, but you need to take charge of your life, and your health. For yourself, and for your baby.

Vale

Mistyeye,

Every word Zoso has just put to ether is (unfortunately)
dead on. It is not what we want to hear.

We want to be able to divide by zero and find a quotient
that works in our real, physical world.

But it cannot be, never has been, and never will be.
All that can be a accomplished (tragically) is to wastefully
expend fuel/ love/ time / life chasing a chimera.

But only WE can unmake that decision, pull the
abort handle----optimally sooner rather than later.

For no mortal eyes reading these words has an infinite
supply of ANY of the aforementioned goods.

Best Wishes,

Vale

Lara

Hey Mistyeyes - I am so sorry you are experiencing such pain and disbelief in the world that is unfolding in front of your eyes. But as Zozo and Vale have both said - this is IT! There is NO point to knowing the answers. The answers to WHAT? Why he has hurt you and walked out of your life and HIS child's life? Or the answer to 'does he still love you'? or the answer to 'how could he hurt me this badly...... or 'is he ever coming back'?

The tragedy here is he's not evening giving a seconds thought to all of the above. His brain is not wired like a normal, thinking human being. The answers to all of the above is because HE IS AN ADDICT!

The love of his life is the drug of his choice. It WILL NEVER be you or his child's unless he finds sobriety. But right now he is in active addiction. And as long as you continue to allow him into your life (for sure as God made little green apples) he will be back - you are handing all the reins (of YOUR life and YOUR child's life) over to him.

You have to take back your life. You have to take back YOU. Don't become a victim to addiction.

Please read some of my posts.

And PRAY. HE hears you!!! I promise

xxx

mistyeye

I am doing the 12 steps. I am powerless over all this. It is time for me to put my big girl panties on and take care of myself. I will be sad at times but I know that will lessen in time. It will be a month since he left and I saw him once and talked to him once. It isn't worth it. His decisions have put him where he is and I can not control it. I can control my decisions and how I choose to handle this. I asked my parent for a loan so I can get a car. I need to get a job and see my friends. I need to get my life back. Thank you to all who have heard me gripe and contemplate and try to rationalize everything. I know I may have a weak moment but it will pass. I am now doing what I need to do for my Baby and me.

9111111

Haha, sorry but I'm laughing. People tell you to not stay stuck while you're already out there making arrangements to get a car. I know it hurts, but you can be so proud of yourself for taking life back into your own hands and being a role model for your little one