easiersaid

If someone had told me years ago that I would be spending the next 10+years in a relationship with a drug addict I probably would have laughed in their face and gone on my merry way. Here I am, 12 years into a relationship with the man who I expected would be my husband by now. But here's the thing.. He's an addict. Here's the other thing..im a codependent. And if there's one thing I've learned from the mess we created over the years its that addicts and codependents make very tricky couples. It's as though we are drawn together like moths to a flame. I have experienced things I would not wish upon anyone. Ive made terrible decisions that could have lead to even worse consequences. Ive waited up a countless number of nights playing scenarios of possibilities over in my head that could explain why he wasn't home yet. I have spent days figuring out how to gather the funds to bail him out of jail, just one more time. Ive screamed into my pillow so my sleeping children wouldn't hear their mommy losing control because daddy chose the needle over her again. I have been the queen of enabling. Making excuses for his absences at family get togethers. Oh, he's just tired from working so late last night. Oh, he's not feeling well... The reality being that he has a staph infection from shooting up heroin with a dirty needle. That would make anyone feel pretty badly. Ive looked at him with the deepest sympathy, wishing I could just take the pain away for him. Ive looked at myself in the mirror wishing I could make my pain end. Hours I've spent pondering over how and why. How to fix and why me. How to stop and why him.
I graduate in a few months with a bachelors degree in Addiction Studies. Ive self educated myself on every aspect of this thing called codependency. And I've gained a good amount of knowledge on the disease of addiction. I look at things now in a different light. I catch myself when I begin to fall back on old behaviors and habits. I no longer look at him and wonder how to fix him. I can't answer the question of why I have stayed with him through everything. It is my belief that if that is to happen I will know it is time and that will be that. For now, life is healthy and recovery is fully present for both of us. And if I slip, well, I re-evaluate and move forward in whichever direction God leads me.

maia1234

Es, good for u for reaching out. You are very educated about addiction. God has a plan for all of us but doesn't tell us what it is.

THings will get better..work your program. Go to meetings. Detach with love. You know what to do, now practice it. Don't enable him anymore or save him if he gets arrested let him figure it out how to get out of jail. You are always there to bail him out.... stop!!! He knows u will save his axx. Stop. See what happens when u start changing... Good luck!

Ann

Thank you for that very poignant post that really grasped how it is for so many.

I am the mother of an addicted adult son but I relate to every word you said.

I found that it is one thing to learn about and understand addiction and codependency, but for me it was quite another to apply the healthy principals of recovery that would take me to a better place.

I was glad to see you are both in recovery and pray that your days ahead are filled with joy and wonderful new healthy experiences.

Hugs