Chino

I didn't know where else to post this but figured this forum is appropriate, since it's where I first realized how dangerous it is to feel sorry for myself. That was two years ago and apparently the lesson is still fresh in my mind.

It's way too long of a story to go into, but the players involved are ACOA, active A, codies, or all of them. For the past year I've witnessed so many questionable behaviors I can't name them any more. No, I'm not taking other's inventory, it's just been an unavoidable observation from having to legally deal with them.

Last night, after the latest round, I told my husband it was really hard not to feel sorry for myself. It's hard not to feel picked on, verbally and emotionally abused, ignored and discarded. I'm having to remember these things are not being done at me, they are the emotions I'm attaching to others behavior -- which is all about them, not me.

So last night I chose not to feel sorry for myself for one more minute. I claimed ownership of my feelings and decided how I want to feel: strong, courageous, and in control of self. It worked! I woke up this morning with a new attitude. I had to remember there's a very distinct difference between sorrow and feeling sorry for self. Since I'm not grieving, that only left a pity party of one!

maia1234

Chino, I am sorry for all the stuff going on in your life. I know, daily I feel sorry for myself. Dont want to but don't understand why sxxx always happens on my side of the street and it is nothing but a big old party for my STBXAH. I understand and I am sorry.

Been there, done that and still there. Glad you woke with a great attitude today. Your a good person and keep up the positive attitude!!

djlook

I just wished I could recognize self-pity sooner so that I didn't have to stay in it so long! I do it, though. I'm grateful for the things I've learned in recovery, and when I take action on the principles I've been taught, that feeling of hopeless leaves me. God knows I felt hopeless when I got into recovery.

I can tell I'm making progress when those times don't come as often and they don't last as long. I don't always get on the other side of the problem gracefully, but as long as my motives are pure and I don't practice my old behaviors I think everything's going to be all right. Sometimes I just have to fall down, get up, and start all over again. I appreciate your honesty.

cece1960

Good reminder Chino. I also find myself in bouts of self pity, but these days I recognize it pretty quickly, and some days I even give myself permission to stay for a day. For me, it sometimes is the kick I need to make changes

hopeful4

Go Chino!

Huge Hugs, you can do this!

GardenMama

Chino, I always love and appreciate your comments on others' posts, and I am even more appreciative that you shared this shift of yours with us. It is so much a matter of perspective, all of this, isn't it? We can struggle and suffer and then with one genuine change of attitude, the whole thing looks and feels different. Thank you for reminding all of us about the pity-party trap.

It sounds as if you may be in need of a belly laugh or 50, and so I recommend Al Franken's 1995 movie, Stuart Saves His Family. The AOCA, the A, the everyone you've been dealing with are probably in it and you will laugh, I promise! My husband and I watch it when we need a laugh and a reminder about all-things-recovery and all-things-dysfunction.

Take care!

Ann

Wow, Chino, I am so sorry you are/were feeling so down and am glad you feel better today. I've often said that the difference between a bad day and a good day is about two days.

That said...I really really really really needed to read your words above today. I am usually pretty strong and know how to wrap myself in my recovery when I start feeling low...but today was a stinker, I allowed myself to get overwhelmed with medical schedules and procedures ahead and I had a wee meltdown and wallowed in self-pity for a while. Like Cece, I allow myself some time there to feel the feelings and ponder on why they are there, then I pick myself up and refresh my attitude and usually I am okay again fairly soon.

Like you, I cannot change my circumstance so I must change my attitude and an attitude of gratitude for all that is good in my life usually does the trick.

I hope your world gets a little happier and healthier soon, Chino, perhaps I shall bring us some cheesecake and we can have a party.

Thank you for reading my mind and posting exactly what I needed today.

Hugs

Impurrfect

Thanks for the reminder, Chino!! I can get into quite a funk, but have gotten a little better at doing like you did and getting myself out of it. Just not fast enough for me.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this, but am glad you feel better. My mom used to say "you can sit on that pity pot for 30 minutes, then get back to living".

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

irisgardens

thank you Chino...you said it in a way that provides insight to me...and so appreciate it...it is good to know that it is a process...not a minute...and lends understanding to Ann's saying that the difference between a good day and a bad day is two days...and I am grateful to be understanding more.

LoveMeNow

(((Chino)))

Now that's some inspiring recovery!! Your healthy maturity and acceptance are shining bright!! Great job and thank you for sharing.

Txhelp

Did somebody say cheesecake?