dirk626

I was "napping" a little while ago in my favorite recliner. I had a dream that I was in the recliner and my son came through the living room playing with a golf club. He was about 6 or 7 years old. He was dancing around like kids do swinging that club.

I told him to stop playing with the club in the house, I warned him he was going to break something. He argued that he wouldn't break anything and kept on twirling the club around like a pirate's sword. I smiled as a thought occurred to me. 'It's not too late! He's still little, you can spend time with him...you have more time! You didn't drink his childhood away, it's not too late!!'

Then I awoke. It is too late. For the father and that child. My son is grown and on his own now. I urge any parent reading heed my warning. It will be too late, and the regret will be crushing. Keep fighting for your sobriety, because it is a fight for life and death. It's a fight for a life worth living. You owe it to the ones that love you and rely on you to never give up!

Soberwolf

Hi Dirk do you still have a relationship with your son what about a phonecall ?

Anna

Dirk, is it really too late? Have you reached out to your son?

dirk626

Anna and SW I do have a relationship with him. Thank goodness! That dream really shook me and I had to get it out somewhere. I know I can't go back in time. I like to think that I was and am a decent father. I regret not being the best father that I could be. I regret being selfish and caring more about drinking than them.

I have never been physically or emotionally abusive as a result of my drinking. It's the stolen time that did the most damage. It's the opportunity cost associated with losing 5 hours a day or more to getting and being drunk, and the first five hours of the next day running at 25% that hurts. It's all the things that we should have done...

The only option now is to keep moving forward. Thanks

Meraviglioso

Thanks for sharing this, I really needed to read that. I hope you find peace with your past and continue to be a strong, sober role model for your adult children.

Soberwolf

Thats great dirk

hokey

Wow Dirk ... great post that I can sure relate to. I feel the same way about my sons' childhood ... I was never abusive but there was sooo much lost time. Mine too are grown and gone from the nest and I have good relationships with them, but I don't get a "do-over" on their childhood. A lot of guilt and remorse over that, but I can only do better now by staying sober and being here for them today, and tomorrow and the day after that. Thank you for the reminder

Onward, my friend!

JanieJ

Dirk, what a poignant post. Yes, I also regret not spending more time with my kids, now grown adults. I have spoken to them all recently about my drinking, and they've all said they felt loved when they were growing up. Still, there is some shame that I modelled drinking as an acceptable pastime, and that I could have kept a cleaner house, more organised life and spent more time having fun with them rather than "fun" with drink.
I will never get that time back now, and that's sad beyond words.
I can only be present for my grandkids, and at least that's something.

enfinthechange

Thanks for sharing that, it is indeed a warning to me... mine are 7 and 4, and they have seen me drinking plenty of times, and I have missed time with them as I wanted to drink not to be with them... drinking seemed easier after a hard day at work... I viewed it as a treat. How wrong am I... I will remember your words... x

Hevyn

Thank you for a valuable post Dirk. I wish there had been SR when I was raising my son. I needed to be enlightened.

As you said, the regrets are terrible. There was no abuse, but I wasn't the parent I could have been - always pre-occupied with my own nonsense. My adult son claims he wasn't that bothered by it, but I know different.

Mark1014

Dirk, thank you for sharing that post. That's the type of powerful insight that stares me straight in the eyes and will keep one new to sobriety (like this father of three) on track and reaffirming my commitment. Thanks again.

TXStrong

Thank you for sharing this as it is my biggest fear. My beautiful daughter is 1 1/2, I am forever grateful that I am choosing sobriety before she developes memories of me. Know that your words will be carried with me on my path to recovery!

FreeOwl

My Dad drank a lot of my childhood away.

Fortunately, I suppose, he wasn't even around for a lot of it.

But what I recall of it is the shining moments. The good times he did show up. Sure there are memories of fighting and of what I now recognize as drunken behavior.

But those memories are far and away outshone by the times he took me hunting or fishing. The times he DID show up for my birthday. Even the times spent with him in bars.....

In my 20's we bridged a new kind of father-son relationship. Neither of us can ever "get back" any of the days we may liked to have had - but we have a really positive relationship now and I'm grateful for it.

It's never too late, and every day is a day that we grow and we experience and we have a chance to love and be loved. Keep the focus on that.

anattaboy

Dirk, I'm right there with you. 14 yrs. drunk went by like a blink. I'm still trying to re-connect with my eldest son. My FB account is to keep up with him and his brother (a new father himself).I now have a 4 yr. old and we are inseparable. I agree with above post-It's never too late to be a good guy.

Bruno1979

Top post Dirk

Dee74

Hi Dirk

I'm not a parent...but I can empathise with the wasted years syndrome.
I've made my peace with it tho best I can...

All I did, good or bad...led me to today and who I am. I like who and where I am.
I've done more in the last 7 years than I did in the last 20 before that.

I think, in the end, everything balances out

D

PurpleKnight

If there was one thing I would have loved before my dad died was him to call me up and tell me that he cared and wanted to hang out with me.

My dad died of alcoholism a few years back, my parents divorced when I was young, but I never seemed to develop in adulthood any kind of relationship with him beyond acquaintances, even a friendship was out of the picture, alcohol took priority, unless I made the effort we would never have seen each other!!

It's never too late!!

Coffeenotbooze

As I mentioned yesterday, I never new my father because of his alcoholism. I look at his picture many times a day and I can pretty much hear him telling me...."Coffee, stop now before you end up like me!" Not a day goes by that I wish I could just spend some time with him...I know he feels the same! Do it for yourself and your loved ones everyone!

Hereandnow2

Dirk you post has meant a lot to me I have a four year old and a seven year old and have a little over four months sober. I'm doing this for me.but also for my kids. Thank you for your post.

Serenidad

Thank you for your post. It really helped me.

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