5KRunner

I am moved by your post and feel greatly compelled to comment because the gift of being a dad was one of my top motivators for sobriety. There's no way I could fully appreciate my kids as the wonderful little beings they are, much less be a basic, functioning parent, if I continued to drink.

Thank you, dirk626.

dirk626

I want to thank all of you for your comments and words of wisdom. For some reason I felt compelled when I woke from my dream to share it on this forum. I think it's purpose was served. The people on this forum continue to amaze me with their compassion, wisdom and understanding. Acceptance too... that is very important. I'm gearing up for another try at sobriety, so I'll see you then. Strength and love be yours in abundance!

dirk626

Wow! How things can change in an hour. My wife and daughter came home a while ago and I was in the basement watching TV and drinking. The usual for me. I had stopped at the grocery on the way home and bought just a couple of things. On of which was a box of crackers that my daughter likes. I noticed this morning that she was out. I came upstairs a while ago and said hi to the family and my daughter (16 years old) brushed by me and went to her room and slammed her door. I went in to the other room and asked my wife what the deal was. She told me the following:

They came home from running errands and I was downstairs as usual. My daughter began making her lunch for school tomorrow and notice the crackers. She asked my wife about them because she knew she was out. My wife told her that I must have gotten them for her. She suggested that she go thank me. Her reply was, "Why? He is just down stairs killing himself anyway." I have listened to her cry many times when younger and heard her ask her mom why I don't stop drinking. I am at a loss. What can I possibly say? I can't promise to stop... I have failed too many times. I said earlier in this post that I was working myself up to another attempt and stopping.

It has to be now.

dirk626

We declare to God and anyone else that will hear, that we love our family and would do anything for them including giving our life. But, we can't do something as simple as not pick up the bottle and take a drink. In-action, is impossible it would seem in this instance. Sorry, for unloading on all of you. We all have the same struggle...

Dee74

actiions speak louder than words dirk. Way louder.
It's never too late to be the man you want to be.

sounds like it's time to man up dude...
Give it all you have - you can do this

D

hokey

You can do this, Dirk ... for yourself ... for your family. Things are so much better for me now than they were only a few short months ago ... physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially ... it's all getting better every day that I don't drink. I kept that pledge to myself and my sons today, tomorrow I make the pledge again ... "I will not drink today". One day at a time, Dirk. You can do it!

Mags1

Dirk, my life would've been soooo different if my dad hadn't drank. I followed his footsteps even though I hated what it caused.

I've stopped now, thankfully, but I didn't have children as I couldn't bear them to go through my childhood, I was too selfish, also, I had to indulge myself in my drunkeness.