Christopher1

Wonder if anyone can help me with this.My A partner has been on the phone over the past few days telling me she has taken different meds and potentially lethal doses.I now know she's been exaggerating things but in the meantime I have felt crazy with worry ,been ringing the emergency services for her and trying to work with this happening.I. have said to her that this is seriously messing with my mental health and that it's not ok to do this.I know that any sane person would change their number and part of me wants to do just that but somehow I feel responsibile -it's exactly what someone said to me in a post- FOG.I know I have to set some boundaries with this whole situation-when she's binge drinking I feel the same awful levels of fear.Am I just stupid? What is wrong with me that I haven't been able to say"no more,this is too much for me",even when I know it is? Is it the same issue,that I still want to control the situation and don't want to accept my powerlessness in all of this? How do you accept that because it almost feels like I would die if I did that!

ResignedToWait

You're not powerless in this. You have 100% of the power to worry about YOURSELF, and to ignore her quacking.

That being said...I know you mentioned that you did it already?? but if she is threatening to harm herself, even if you don't believe her, call your version of 911 (emergency services) immediately.

You can't control her out of control drinking. Don't try!

I know though, it can feel like the most frustrating things to ever happen in your life...not being able to help her/get her to see the harm she's causing.
Try to find something you enjoy doing, that keeps your mind off her.

dandylion

Christopher....I know you feel like you would die..and I COMPLETELY get and understand that. The fact is, that even though that is the way it feel...you will not die.
Of course, being afraid of that fear..in itself...only compounds your misery.

If you have notified emergency services and the police and her l andlord..and, anyone else that you can think of.....including, even--neighbors and friends--NOW, Christopher you must seek help for yourself. No doubt, you have been very damaged in this relationship (understandably).

Unplug the phone, Christopher and go to a friend or family to stay. Sleep in the church, if necessary. You may need to see a doctor. Take these first steps.
You have us, of course, but you need more, also.

Above all turn the phone. You are grieving and this will take you some time. but this will not be everlasting. Life is not over....and, the world has nit come to an end.
You m ust believe this, Christopher.

sincerely,
dandylion

AnvilheadII

you are perhaps assuming that you are the ONLY person she is calling, the ONLY person on the planet who can possibly help her, in fact you are thinking that you have been designated RESPNSIBLE for her.
you and only you.
mmmm, maybe you don't THINK it but you FEEL it.

she has a working phone.
she still knows how to use it.
she is managing to keep herself supplied in drugs.
she is not helpless.

think of it this way....she calls, you answer, she gets to blather on for hours, days and YOU are her audience.
if she calls and you do NOT answer....she doesn't get to blather on with an audience.
she is then left with finding another audience. left to face her own dilemma.

left to make a choice.

Christopher1

Thanks to the both of you for helpful and sensible replies-I have to keep telling myself that I'm NOT helpless nor powerless with regard to looking after my own well-being-thank you for pointing that out.

Christopher1

Anvil,that's right,especially the last line-I get that.

Christopher1

I would like to go to my sisters and pour my heart out instead of keeping it bottled up but find it difficult to tell them.

Eauchiche

I certainly feel for you, Christopher! Do you have AlAnon close enough where you can attend regularly? You really need a support group right now of people who can sympathize with you.
Of course, we at this site offer you support as well.

AnvilheadII

Anvil,that's right,especially the last line-I get that.

always take it down to the FACTS....

Christopher1

Today instead of going to see my partner or ringing her (even though to be honest,I've had to almost sit on my hands to stop me) I spoke to a friend-someone who doesn't start slurring her words or "fall asleep" halfway through the conversation.I didn't come off the phone with a knot in my stomach and realise I like that,I like it a lot not feeling like that.