Hello Everyone. New here. "Normal to question if I was ever an alcoholic?"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 5
Hello Everyone. New here. "Normal to question if I was ever an alcoholic?"
Is it normal to ask oneself, am I really an alcoholic?
I've been sober now for 46 days. My wife said if I want children with her some day, I better shape up and drop the alcohol.
I'm 38 years old and started occasionally drinking at the age of 17. It was in college that I became a full blown binge drinker and really hit it hard for 3 days a week, but still managed to go to school and get pretty good grades.
After college I still kept up my binge drinking ways (heavy on the weekends) and even dabbled with ecstasy for a few months in my mid-twenties. I'd say it was in my 30s when I drank more frequently during the week and continued my binge drinking on the weekends, but I was also single during this time and going out to the bars.
I got a DWI when I was 31 and living in NC and my ARD instructor said to me, "You'll be back here one day because you believe you've done no wrong. People like you always come back." Fortunately, I've never gone back to the courts or ARD because of a second DWI.
I eventually moved back home, got married and continued to drink on the weekends and occasionally during the week. There were many times I came home intoxicated and my wife grew angry with me. I eventually moved into smoking marijuana and drinking a lot less because it kept me home and out of the bars. My wife said she didn't like my pot smoking but I was much more tolerable when smoking than drinking.
About 6 weeks ago my wife and I were out drinking and arguing and the next day she said she'd had enough. My wife and I only verbally argue because I've never hit her or any other woman so I'm not an abusive guy. And our arguments are never out of control. She just says I talk down to her and it hurts her feelings. So she said, either my drinking stops or she'll have to move on. I told her I love her and I'll stop everything. Now she never said I had to stop smoking but I gave it up as well because I've read about cross addiction and how it can have major consequences on leading you back to alcohol.
So now I've been sober for 46 days. I've never gone to an AA meeting, except one time to listen to a friend speak and this was before my own sobriety. I don't have any urges or desires to drink or smoke because I actually feel fantastic. I've always been big into biking, jogging and hiking so these have just become easier without the pot and alcohol. I recently attended a college reunion, where all of my friends in attendance were and still are huge drinkers, and I didn't have a single drop or desire to do so.
I read a lot more these days and bike a lot more than normal (my addictive personality) but the urge to drink and smoke has just not been there. I still have those friends who say, "Meet me out. Stop being a puss. You need to learn to just drink 3 beers." I tell them I'm no longer drinking so you can either respect that decision or move onto new friendships because I can easily do the same.
I found my first few weeks of recovery to be the most difficult and it wasn't because of any urges but the feelings of depression and hopelessness I found myself going through. I decided to research it a bit. I've always been one to educate myself by reading and trying to solve problems on my own. I've recently read up on alcohols effects on the chemicals in your brain and how it effects dopamine and serotonin levels in the brain so I've started taking amino acids to help in my biochemical repair. I swear by two of them in particular, L- Theanine and L- Methionine, but I'm not a doctor so I wouldn't recommend anyone take them without consulting a doctor first.
So here I am. My entire story reads like someone with major addiction issues but I still find myself asking, was I ever an alcoholic? Is this normal to be asking myself this question.
Sorry for such a long story as an introductory post.
I've been sober now for 46 days. My wife said if I want children with her some day, I better shape up and drop the alcohol.
I'm 38 years old and started occasionally drinking at the age of 17. It was in college that I became a full blown binge drinker and really hit it hard for 3 days a week, but still managed to go to school and get pretty good grades.
After college I still kept up my binge drinking ways (heavy on the weekends) and even dabbled with ecstasy for a few months in my mid-twenties. I'd say it was in my 30s when I drank more frequently during the week and continued my binge drinking on the weekends, but I was also single during this time and going out to the bars.
I got a DWI when I was 31 and living in NC and my ARD instructor said to me, "You'll be back here one day because you believe you've done no wrong. People like you always come back." Fortunately, I've never gone back to the courts or ARD because of a second DWI.
I eventually moved back home, got married and continued to drink on the weekends and occasionally during the week. There were many times I came home intoxicated and my wife grew angry with me. I eventually moved into smoking marijuana and drinking a lot less because it kept me home and out of the bars. My wife said she didn't like my pot smoking but I was much more tolerable when smoking than drinking.
About 6 weeks ago my wife and I were out drinking and arguing and the next day she said she'd had enough. My wife and I only verbally argue because I've never hit her or any other woman so I'm not an abusive guy. And our arguments are never out of control. She just says I talk down to her and it hurts her feelings. So she said, either my drinking stops or she'll have to move on. I told her I love her and I'll stop everything. Now she never said I had to stop smoking but I gave it up as well because I've read about cross addiction and how it can have major consequences on leading you back to alcohol.
So now I've been sober for 46 days. I've never gone to an AA meeting, except one time to listen to a friend speak and this was before my own sobriety. I don't have any urges or desires to drink or smoke because I actually feel fantastic. I've always been big into biking, jogging and hiking so these have just become easier without the pot and alcohol. I recently attended a college reunion, where all of my friends in attendance were and still are huge drinkers, and I didn't have a single drop or desire to do so.
I read a lot more these days and bike a lot more than normal (my addictive personality) but the urge to drink and smoke has just not been there. I still have those friends who say, "Meet me out. Stop being a puss. You need to learn to just drink 3 beers." I tell them I'm no longer drinking so you can either respect that decision or move onto new friendships because I can easily do the same.
I found my first few weeks of recovery to be the most difficult and it wasn't because of any urges but the feelings of depression and hopelessness I found myself going through. I decided to research it a bit. I've always been one to educate myself by reading and trying to solve problems on my own. I've recently read up on alcohols effects on the chemicals in your brain and how it effects dopamine and serotonin levels in the brain so I've started taking amino acids to help in my biochemical repair. I swear by two of them in particular, L- Theanine and L- Methionine, but I'm not a doctor so I wouldn't recommend anyone take them without consulting a doctor first.
So here I am. My entire story reads like someone with major addiction issues but I still find myself asking, was I ever an alcoholic? Is this normal to be asking myself this question.
Sorry for such a long story as an introductory post.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
You're doing great! I think almost everyone asks themselves that question at some point. In my opinion it doesn't matter what you call it. Drinking was something harmful that caused HUGE problems in your life.
I'm not an AA person but I do have support from other sober friends and a meditation group. Are you still close with your friend who's in AA? He would probably be a good source of support for you. If you feel you need to be around others going through the same thing maybe trying a meeting would be good for you.
This board is an amazing source of support for me too. I love it and wouldn't be where I am today without it.
Keep at it! xoxoxo
I'm not an AA person but I do have support from other sober friends and a meditation group. Are you still close with your friend who's in AA? He would probably be a good source of support for you. If you feel you need to be around others going through the same thing maybe trying a meeting would be good for you.
This board is an amazing source of support for me too. I love it and wouldn't be where I am today without it.
Keep at it! xoxoxo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
If you “were” an alcoholic in the past you are one today and only you can determine that. To me a question to myself at your point would be: is alcohol so important to me that I’ll give up all that’s dear to me?
Alcoholism is a very tricky ailment being progressive if we continue, powerful, cunning and baffling. It often says to us you can have one, it wasn’t that bad, I can moderate and on and on untruths.
Try reading these forums to see all the experiences people have.
BE WELL
If you “were” an alcoholic in the past you are one today and only you can determine that. To me a question to myself at your point would be: is alcohol so important to me that I’ll give up all that’s dear to me?
Alcoholism is a very tricky ailment being progressive if we continue, powerful, cunning and baffling. It often says to us you can have one, it wasn’t that bad, I can moderate and on and on untruths.
Try reading these forums to see all the experiences people have.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
The "alcoholic or not" debate is something I will not enter into. However I will take exception to one thing you posted, bold emphasis mine:
Somehow, you are assuming that because you have never physically harmed your wife, you are not abusive. There are many forms of abuse. Verbal abuse is one of them. I cannot say if you are verbally abusive or not - I wasn't there. But I can tell you that I too, have never hit a woman, and did not consider myself "abusive". Sober time and maturity have taught me otherwise. I was verbally abusive. No one needs to put up with this stuff.
Please consider this.
About 6 weeks ago my wife and I were out drinking and arguing and the next day she said she'd had enough. My wife and I only verbally argue because I've never hit her or any other woman so I'm not an abusive guy. And our arguments are never out of control. She just says I talk down to her and it hurts her feelings.
Please consider this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 5
Thank you, readerbaby71
I appreciate the words of encouragement. I haven't spoken to my friend in AA since beginning my sober journey. I've been meaning to reach out to him but have been very busy working. I like to stay busy with work.
As for most of my other "drinking" friends, I've found that most were merely acquaintances, who I've found nothing in common with after starting my sober life. I've often read these are the people who will provide the greatest obstacles in recovery, so I've decided to remove them from the equation.
I still find it baffling, lifelong friends would rather have a drinking partner than a healthy friend. It's quite baffling.
I appreciate the words of encouragement. I haven't spoken to my friend in AA since beginning my sober journey. I've been meaning to reach out to him but have been very busy working. I like to stay busy with work.
As for most of my other "drinking" friends, I've found that most were merely acquaintances, who I've found nothing in common with after starting my sober life. I've often read these are the people who will provide the greatest obstacles in recovery, so I've decided to remove them from the equation.
I still find it baffling, lifelong friends would rather have a drinking partner than a healthy friend. It's quite baffling.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
yes.
it is totally normal, and it is dangerous.
Your story reads almost exactly like mine.... then at 39 I did get that second DUI.
And throw in a few other random arrests over those years.... toss in a LOT of blackouts... innumerable hangovers.... lots of relationship challenges.... a bit more experimentation with X and other drugs than you....
But always fit, always employed, always seemingly had-my-crap-together....
LOTS of examples of how I certainly CAN 'control' my drinking....
So I went back out after almost 6 months of sobriety because I had obviously just needed a break.
year and a half long bender that I was fortunate to survive without further DUIs (third one is automatic time in the Big House)..... or worse.
Yes. It is totally normal.
NO. Do not be fooled..... re-read your history that you've just shared.
Then - take some time to seriously journal your history for yourself. ALL of it.
How has alcohol impacted your relationships throughout life?
How has it impacted your health and enjoyment of life throughout life?
How much money have you spent on it and related issues?
In what ways has alcohol gotten in the way of your enjoyment of life?
Has it ever engendered problems between you and your family?
How often have you - even secretly - tried to 'moderate' and failed?
How many times have you blacked out.... recount those stories to yourself in as much detail as you can recall.
Have you ever felt ashamed or guilty for things you've done drunk? recount those for yourself.
Thoroughly and honestly go back from the very beginning and search your own history. Leave no stone unturned. Don't look for the 'evidence' of the times you seem to have been able to control your drinking or everything was 'fine'. Look for the ugly stuff. Be honest. Put it down in black and white. All of it.
Then - look back at it all objectively, as though you were a stranger simply looking at the life of another person and ask the question; "Does alcohol contribute positively to this person's richness of life"?
Then... after you've done that... ask yourself whether or not it matters if you were "an alcoholic".
What do you want this short, precious, beautiful life that you've been blessed with to be.....?.
it is totally normal, and it is dangerous.
Your story reads almost exactly like mine.... then at 39 I did get that second DUI.
And throw in a few other random arrests over those years.... toss in a LOT of blackouts... innumerable hangovers.... lots of relationship challenges.... a bit more experimentation with X and other drugs than you....
But always fit, always employed, always seemingly had-my-crap-together....
LOTS of examples of how I certainly CAN 'control' my drinking....
So I went back out after almost 6 months of sobriety because I had obviously just needed a break.
year and a half long bender that I was fortunate to survive without further DUIs (third one is automatic time in the Big House)..... or worse.
Yes. It is totally normal.
NO. Do not be fooled..... re-read your history that you've just shared.
Then - take some time to seriously journal your history for yourself. ALL of it.
How has alcohol impacted your relationships throughout life?
How has it impacted your health and enjoyment of life throughout life?
How much money have you spent on it and related issues?
In what ways has alcohol gotten in the way of your enjoyment of life?
Has it ever engendered problems between you and your family?
How often have you - even secretly - tried to 'moderate' and failed?
How many times have you blacked out.... recount those stories to yourself in as much detail as you can recall.
Have you ever felt ashamed or guilty for things you've done drunk? recount those for yourself.
Thoroughly and honestly go back from the very beginning and search your own history. Leave no stone unturned. Don't look for the 'evidence' of the times you seem to have been able to control your drinking or everything was 'fine'. Look for the ugly stuff. Be honest. Put it down in black and white. All of it.
Then - look back at it all objectively, as though you were a stranger simply looking at the life of another person and ask the question; "Does alcohol contribute positively to this person's richness of life"?
Then... after you've done that... ask yourself whether or not it matters if you were "an alcoholic".
What do you want this short, precious, beautiful life that you've been blessed with to be.....?.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 5
IOAA2 - I will continue reading the other forums. I appreciate the feedback.
Taking5 - I'm sure I was verbally abusive but couldn't see it myself. My wife says I'm a totally different person these days. I often think back to the days before I ever touched alcohol. These were the healthiest days mentally and these are the days I seek to return to.
Taking5 - I'm sure I was verbally abusive but couldn't see it myself. My wife says I'm a totally different person these days. I often think back to the days before I ever touched alcohol. These were the healthiest days mentally and these are the days I seek to return to.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I have found that people that are not alcohol don't worry about if they alcoholic.
You may wish to read the "Description of the alcoholic" in the AA big book for further clarification.
You may wish to read the "Description of the alcoholic" in the AA big book for further clarification.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 5
FreeOwl
No doubt. I started this same journey about 5 years ago. I never did it with the intention of giving up for good. Just wanted to "take a break" for a bit. Went about 2 months and decided to go watch a boxing match over a buddy's house and decided to have a few beers. Those few beers led to another 5 years of drinking.
No doubt. I started this same journey about 5 years ago. I never did it with the intention of giving up for good. Just wanted to "take a break" for a bit. Went about 2 months and decided to go watch a boxing match over a buddy's house and decided to have a few beers. Those few beers led to another 5 years of drinking.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
COMPLETELY normal. The brain wants a drink. Plain and simple.
I was an alcoholic when I quit drinking 5 years ago. So I still am today. I'm a pickle and will never be a cucumber again.
But it is a moot point for me anyway as I don't even think about booze or drugs anymore. Not on my radar. My current life is amazing and has made rewiring my brain so worth it! The freedom is indescribable.
I was an alcoholic when I quit drinking 5 years ago. So I still am today. I'm a pickle and will never be a cucumber again.
But it is a moot point for me anyway as I don't even think about booze or drugs anymore. Not on my radar. My current life is amazing and has made rewiring my brain so worth it! The freedom is indescribable.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Hi IntoTheWild,
I quit in my 20s. I was also able to get through college, but I got tired of the blackouts, the promiscuity, the other drug use, and the "good times" that I either couldn't remember or were actually not really fun. Like you, I quit without much fanfare, and it was tough especially at that age, but not impossible. I remained happily abstinent for 10 years. During that time I started my career, got married, and had kids.
In my early 30s I asked myself the same question. How could I be an alcoholic? I had happily gone without drinking for so long. The misconception that I had was that an alcoholic couldn't just stop and be happy. They would struggle and always be within arms length of wanting to drink. That wasn't me, so I decided I had matured and could drink moderately.
The next 7 years spiraled into addiction hell. In addiction to the daily blackout drinking, I was addicted to benzos. I ended up baker acted from a suicide attempt, my children almost taken by my ex.
I don't mean to be another one of those oh-so-dramatic stories intended to scare others. When I was in the psych ward, I honestly could not believe I had gotten to that point. Truly unbelievable what my addiction had done to my life.
So, what I would say to you is...I don't use the term 'alcoholic'. Getting caught up in terms and definitions clouds my thinking and allows for loopholes. The fact is, drinking alcohol ruins anything good in my life and my life is infinitely better without it. Knowing that, why would I ever ever entertain the idea of drinking again?
The addicted part of your brain will be at the ready with a seemingly normal and sound answer to that question. If fact, it is the addicted part of your brain that even asked that question in the first place. It will make a legit case for drinking. Just remember where that information is coming from. Anything suggesting that drinking or smoking is important in anyway is coming from that part of your brain, and should simply be ignored. The real you knows better.
I quit in my 20s. I was also able to get through college, but I got tired of the blackouts, the promiscuity, the other drug use, and the "good times" that I either couldn't remember or were actually not really fun. Like you, I quit without much fanfare, and it was tough especially at that age, but not impossible. I remained happily abstinent for 10 years. During that time I started my career, got married, and had kids.
In my early 30s I asked myself the same question. How could I be an alcoholic? I had happily gone without drinking for so long. The misconception that I had was that an alcoholic couldn't just stop and be happy. They would struggle and always be within arms length of wanting to drink. That wasn't me, so I decided I had matured and could drink moderately.
The next 7 years spiraled into addiction hell. In addiction to the daily blackout drinking, I was addicted to benzos. I ended up baker acted from a suicide attempt, my children almost taken by my ex.
I don't mean to be another one of those oh-so-dramatic stories intended to scare others. When I was in the psych ward, I honestly could not believe I had gotten to that point. Truly unbelievable what my addiction had done to my life.
So, what I would say to you is...I don't use the term 'alcoholic'. Getting caught up in terms and definitions clouds my thinking and allows for loopholes. The fact is, drinking alcohol ruins anything good in my life and my life is infinitely better without it. Knowing that, why would I ever ever entertain the idea of drinking again?
The addicted part of your brain will be at the ready with a seemingly normal and sound answer to that question. If fact, it is the addicted part of your brain that even asked that question in the first place. It will make a legit case for drinking. Just remember where that information is coming from. Anything suggesting that drinking or smoking is important in anyway is coming from that part of your brain, and should simply be ignored. The real you knows better.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
I think it's normal to question whether you "were" an alcoholic, but probably not advisable given what you described. The only path I could envision would be, "I wasn't an alcoholic"-->"I can drink!"-->"Oops, I now have irrefutable "proof" and I'm worse off than ever." Take care, and stay strong. We're here for you. 
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR inthewild. It's very common to feel the way you do. Unfortunately it's also very common for us to act on those feelings and return to drinking. I know I did, and the results were worse each time. Read through your original post and see how many time you attempt to justify drinking even though you describe several reasons why it wouldnt be a good idea ( dui, marital issues, etc ). Support is key to keeping those feelings under control, because the brain and addition obviously wants the "good" times that drinking affords, but it conveniently forgets the bad times. If you have a friend in AA why not try a meeting? The worst case is you spend an hour with a friend and a group of people who all have the same goal.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Complacency and convincing myself I didn't have a problem was a common occurance in my journey to get Sober, my mind wanted to drink, because it was addicted to alcohol, and so of course it was going to try and sell me every fairytale and myth that it could get away with!!
. . . and of course I fell for it over and over again, round and round in circles I went, until I finally accepted that I actually do have a problem and I really do need to part ways with alcohol!!
. . . and of course I fell for it over and over again, round and round in circles I went, until I finally accepted that I actually do have a problem and I really do need to part ways with alcohol!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: St. Paul, MN
Posts: 6
Consider if it led you to consequences in your life.
Also, did you start and had difficulty stopping?
These are key signs of it.
But there are so many levels of alcoholism. Sometimes its far easier to diagnose a drug addict
Also, did you start and had difficulty stopping?
These are key signs of it.
But there are so many levels of alcoholism. Sometimes its far easier to diagnose a drug addict
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by IntoTheWild 
I've recently read up on alcohols effects on the chemicals in your brain and how it effects dopamine and serotonin levels in the brain so I've started taking amino acids to help in my biochemical repair. I swear by two of them in particular, L- Theanine and L- Methionine, but I'm not a doctor so I wouldn't recommend anyone take them without consulting a doctor first.
As MIR suggested, those of us who struggle with alcohol don't do research as to whether or not it's a problem for us. Your account of what you do and what the consequences of your drinking have been stands on its own. In my experience, the ending only changes as to what and how much we lose due to our drinking.
Your argument seems to rest on the unstated conclusion that if you were to balance out your neurotransmitters, then you'd be able to drink safely, creating some sort of Frankenholic.
I suppose my question is whether or not you're inclined to relive all the deleterious effects of your drinking, and experiencing new ones, based on your findings?
Denial is nothing without bargaining with reality, an entirely one-sided affair. The abject terror that accompanies the notion that "I can never drink safely again" is common to many of us who struggle with alcohol, no matter what we call that struggle. That terror fades when we turn from avoiding alcohol at all costs to living a new and potentially much better life.
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