Sobriety: Losing your sense of humour a requirement?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 91
Sobriety: Losing your sense of humour a requirement?
I realise that alcoholism and all the problems that come because of problem drinking is a serious matter. I don't need to make a list, they are extreme. I've been through the mill myself.
That been said, I always find it's important to keep your sense of humour and not take yourself too seriously. You can still be successfull and still have rampant goals that your achieving....but still be able to be self-deprecating and be able to banter with people.
However an observation I've made with some people in sobriety is that they suddenly lose their sense of humour (granted that's assuming there was one to begin with). It's like they're walking on eggshells afraid to offend this person or that person. It's like there is a false belief that humility is subdigation.
It's like there is a constant 'second guessing': 'is what I'm saying correct and in line with what's acceptable?' Always turning inwards and afraid of offending....becoming this placid person who wouldn't say boo to a goose.
Do you think it's a requirement of sobriety to lose your sense of humour? Do you think you have to change your personality completely? (in essence, become a wishy washy person who just wants to please)
I think it's important to note that there is offence given and offence taken. No matter what you say, someone is going to be offended. It can't be avoided. You can't please all of the people all of the time.
That been said, I always find it's important to keep your sense of humour and not take yourself too seriously. You can still be successfull and still have rampant goals that your achieving....but still be able to be self-deprecating and be able to banter with people.
However an observation I've made with some people in sobriety is that they suddenly lose their sense of humour (granted that's assuming there was one to begin with). It's like they're walking on eggshells afraid to offend this person or that person. It's like there is a false belief that humility is subdigation.
It's like there is a constant 'second guessing': 'is what I'm saying correct and in line with what's acceptable?' Always turning inwards and afraid of offending....becoming this placid person who wouldn't say boo to a goose.
Do you think it's a requirement of sobriety to lose your sense of humour? Do you think you have to change your personality completely? (in essence, become a wishy washy person who just wants to please)
I think it's important to note that there is offence given and offence taken. No matter what you say, someone is going to be offended. It can't be avoided. You can't please all of the people all of the time.
Last edited by AncientMariner; 10-04-2014 at 01:53 AM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
Absolutely not. I laugh more genuinely, feel more authentically in every way now than I did while drinking or still in my alcoholism.
I do know what you mean though...for me it was the difference between teeth gritting, fist clenching holding on for dear life & being in recovery. Experiencing the contrast helps me see where I am in my day.
Laughter particularly is very important to me, always was. It was the first thing I lost as my illness took greater hold, & a sign I take on board today if I feel that old intensity returning.
Interesting question, glad you asked :-)
I do know what you mean though...for me it was the difference between teeth gritting, fist clenching holding on for dear life & being in recovery. Experiencing the contrast helps me see where I am in my day.
Laughter particularly is very important to me, always was. It was the first thing I lost as my illness took greater hold, & a sign I take on board today if I feel that old intensity returning.
Interesting question, glad you asked :-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: FPO
Posts: 119
I am a lot finnier and wittier sober 
But I hear what you are saying - I know a lot of people who take everything so seriously. You will find people who share your humor and views on life. As I moved along in sobriety, I started choosing more carefully who I wanted to be a part of my life.
Grat
But I hear what you are saying - I know a lot of people who take everything so seriously. You will find people who share your humor and views on life. As I moved along in sobriety, I started choosing more carefully who I wanted to be a part of my life.Grat
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
Would you believe I prayed 
that
I could make folks laugh.
Seriously, in early recovery while learning
to remain sober and looking for anything
to lightin the mood, I added into my daily
prayers to my HP that He would bless me
with making others laugh.
I knew what I heard in recovery about
not taking ourselves too seriously and
that they insisted on us enjoying life. Well,
I prayed that I could could be funny and
make others laugh.
I use to hear how laughter was the best
medicine and that it takes less muscles
in our face to smile and more to frown,
so I needed to learn how to bring fun,
laughter, silliness, jokes, childish play
into my everyday life.
Sure enough I found while chatting
with folks either at work or at AA meetings,
even with my family I say something and
low and behold others were laughing at
what just came out of my mouth.
It was then that I realized that prayers
do work, but to be careful for what I do
pray for because they do come true.
thatI could make folks laugh.
Seriously, in early recovery while learning
to remain sober and looking for anything
to lightin the mood, I added into my daily
prayers to my HP that He would bless me
with making others laugh.
I knew what I heard in recovery about
not taking ourselves too seriously and
that they insisted on us enjoying life. Well,
I prayed that I could could be funny and
make others laugh.
I use to hear how laughter was the best
medicine and that it takes less muscles
in our face to smile and more to frown,
so I needed to learn how to bring fun,
laughter, silliness, jokes, childish play
into my everyday life.
Sure enough I found while chatting
with folks either at work or at AA meetings,
even with my family I say something and
low and behold others were laughing at
what just came out of my mouth.
It was then that I realized that prayers
do work, but to be careful for what I do
pray for because they do come true.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 479
I know folks who have been sober for many years who have a great sense of humour. I find they can still offend people (we all can) but it's the drunks who tend to cause the most destruction in terms of breaking promises, hurting people's feelings by what they say and bringing a hurricane upon the lives of those around them. I think that with sobriety it's important to focus on finding fun things to do which make life more enjoyable. It's a truly amazing feeling to have a big belly laugh while sober. When I was drinking I laughed a lot in the beginning but over the years with alcohol abuse, the laughter faded. There were no more laughs in the end. Mainly tears.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
My sense of humor was MIA during the first few months. But honestly, it had been missing for a while before I stopped. Splitting headaches and nauseating dehydration weren't a good recipe for feeling jovial and silly. I used to feel fantastic when drinking. Drinking and laughter went hand in hand until drinking seriously stopped working.
I do admit that it's a little more difficult to 'let loose' in sobriety but I'm learning slowly.
I do admit that it's a little more difficult to 'let loose' in sobriety but I'm learning slowly.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 23
I think it can certainly impact how you feel (MelindaFlowers really described the situation perfectly) but I do not think that much needs to change. People who can only have fun with alcohol will generally find that there is something else missing in their life as well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Personally, I am MUCH funnier and light hearted with myself and others sober.
For me, wit stems from confidence and a general feeling that all is okay with the world, so much so that you can poke fun at it.
I have that in sobriety.
For me, wit stems from confidence and a general feeling that all is okay with the world, so much so that you can poke fun at it.
I have that in sobriety.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Drinking and laughter went hand in hand until drinking seriously stopped working.
OMG, this! Thank you, Melinda. I'm very early in sobriety (day 17, to be exact) and I am only now starting to get my sense of humor back. I consider myself to be pretty funny, but I had become a tense, tightly wound shadow of my former self.
OMG, this! Thank you, Melinda. I'm very early in sobriety (day 17, to be exact) and I am only now starting to get my sense of humor back. I consider myself to be pretty funny, but I had become a tense, tightly wound shadow of my former self.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Humor is a useful tool in my recovery .
Laughing at and getting over myself was important , especially the way i go at things like a battering ram . Sometimes i think this alcoholic can be quite intense .
I do try to make sure that any strong words i have are softly spoken.
In british culture certainly carrying on and having a laugh in the face of death, destruction and mayhem is one way we cope and form a common bond , there is a certain fraternity in comparing how equally horrid our current circumstances are, sometimes overstating the case for comic effect to elicit some lightness in the dark .
To me the face of compassion has a smile and maybe a laugh .
I suppose to some i might seem flippant or vapid but i know for some i'm not . There are lots of people in recovery , some people need what i have to offer can take some of my view and use it in their own fight . Some people need something different , something to me that appears more dour , thats fine good luck to them , may they have many sober years and do good works
Bestwishes, m
Laughing at and getting over myself was important , especially the way i go at things like a battering ram . Sometimes i think this alcoholic can be quite intense .
I do try to make sure that any strong words i have are softly spoken.
In british culture certainly carrying on and having a laugh in the face of death, destruction and mayhem is one way we cope and form a common bond , there is a certain fraternity in comparing how equally horrid our current circumstances are, sometimes overstating the case for comic effect to elicit some lightness in the dark .
To me the face of compassion has a smile and maybe a laugh .
I suppose to some i might seem flippant or vapid but i know for some i'm not . There are lots of people in recovery , some people need what i have to offer can take some of my view and use it in their own fight . Some people need something different , something to me that appears more dour , thats fine good luck to them , may they have many sober years and do good works
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I think humor is an essential part of life. And also, I find that my sense of humor is actually magnified in sobriety.
That said - I do also find that my 'sense of humor' is shifting. And I do find myself sometimes second-guessing and really questioning what I'm finding funny.
So often it seems that in life today people use 'humor' as an excuse for cruelty. Humor at the expense of others. Twisted humor to make light of terrible things. I think often times it is THIS kind of humor that people begin to question in sobriety as they become more self-aware, more loving, more caring, more HUMAN.
It turns out.... we can find wonderful humor in life without it needing to be tied to tearing people - including ourselves - down in harmful ways disguised as being 'funny'.
That said - I do also find that my 'sense of humor' is shifting. And I do find myself sometimes second-guessing and really questioning what I'm finding funny.
So often it seems that in life today people use 'humor' as an excuse for cruelty. Humor at the expense of others. Twisted humor to make light of terrible things. I think often times it is THIS kind of humor that people begin to question in sobriety as they become more self-aware, more loving, more caring, more HUMAN.
It turns out.... we can find wonderful humor in life without it needing to be tied to tearing people - including ourselves - down in harmful ways disguised as being 'funny'.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
I don't think so at all. Not that I'm a comedian but everyone generally thinks I'm funny IRL. When I was drinking though, it was cynical, snarky and usually about other people. Now, it is about me or just general observations and it isn't mean. For the most part... I'm a work in progress.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
For people who drank or drugged from an early age, it can be especially hard. As young people they never learned who they were, so their early recovery is often a halting, stuttering quest for their authentic self. This can make them seem joyless. But things do change after time.
Also, some recovery groups do have "standards" for members, which can lead to people censoring themselves. I have to admit that running into people I knew in these groups years later, they are a lot more spontaneous in the supermarket than they ever were in meetings.
Also, some recovery groups do have "standards" for members, which can lead to people censoring themselves. I have to admit that running into people I knew in these groups years later, they are a lot more spontaneous in the supermarket than they ever were in meetings.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
This may not make any sense, but do you know what happens to me. I'm afraid to laugh. For some reason when I laugh--it ends up in a cry. I was watching a show with my son, and started to laugh because it was funny. Seconds later I was crying.
There seems to be so many ups and downs in my life, I don't feel I deserve to laugh.
I do know that we all deserve happiness----a little over six months sober --- I just wonder when happiness will come or if this is it. I have little bits or happiness, it's the ups and down of emotions that are ******g me up. I don't know if it because I am not drinking and this is a side effect or if I have just turned into a sad person.
There seems to be so many ups and downs in my life, I don't feel I deserve to laugh.
I do know that we all deserve happiness----a little over six months sober --- I just wonder when happiness will come or if this is it. I have little bits or happiness, it's the ups and down of emotions that are ******g me up. I don't know if it because I am not drinking and this is a side effect or if I have just turned into a sad person.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I agree 100%. I now think things are funny that the majority of people don't. Would only stand to reason that I have indeed lost my sense of humor.
How come you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're really good at it.
I think that's funny. After telling it 100X I realize nobody else does. Not even drunk people. This too...
2 snowmen are sitting next to each other on hill. One says to the other...
Do you smell carrots?
...ahhh.......
OK. Last one. Was at the beach this summer and heard someone yelling, "Shark! Help! Shark!
I just laughed. I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.
How come you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're really good at it.
I think that's funny. After telling it 100X I realize nobody else does
. Not even drunk people. This too...2 snowmen are sitting next to each other on hill. One says to the other...
Do you smell carrots?
...ahhh.......
OK. Last one. Was at the beach this summer and heard someone yelling, "Shark! Help! Shark!
I just laughed. I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.
...not falling down them
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
Yeah I sure had the issue of dealing with people with no sense of humor in recovery and at first I was unsure, I thought well maybe it's me, maybe I'm just immature and I should be more "adult" like them.
Well that lasted all of a few months until I just ditched them to the casual acquaintance designation because I am not in the martyr's club, no thank you.
Life is to be lived, balance to be attained, places to go and people to meet. No time for sourpusses who take themselves too seriously because they have a lot of clean time.
Well that lasted all of a few months until I just ditched them to the casual acquaintance designation because I am not in the martyr's club, no thank you.
Life is to be lived, balance to be attained, places to go and people to meet. No time for sourpusses who take themselves too seriously because they have a lot of clean time.
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